General unhappiness

[littlebillie]

Just separately had my teen dcs express their unhappiness about their school and friendships. One even asked if it was possible to move schools. I made positive platitudes about school life in general but this has shocked me

Don’t panic. Teens and school life can be rocky, and it may not be as bad as you think. Find some time at the weekend to have another chat and then work from there.

Thank you I remember how horrible it was at that age 😔

DS1 had to move school in Year 8 due to general unhappiness with everything. It was for the best but it was a hard decision to make.

However once decided the move was easy to do and he was so much happier.

Just keep them talking to you if you can.

I know you say "general unhappiness" are they able to say what specifically is bothering them?

As one with a sensitive little snowflake about to start secondary, I'm interested to know what I'm in for.

For DS he never settled, never felt comfortable. He was sidelined by the friends he had from Middle School and being of a shy nature he didn't have the confidence to try and get in there amongst new people.

He didn't like all the jostling in the corridors that went on between lessons. Older kids unzipping his backpack as he walked along and waving his belongings about.

He did from September to May so he gave it a good go, but nothing changed except his willingness to go to school got less and less.

Incidentally DS2 now goes to that very school, loves it to bits and I have always been happy with it. It just wasn't for DS1.

Are / were you not worried he would have similar problems at new school?

I am very hopeful he will stay friends with his primary friends who are moving up as well, but it's such a massive school they're being launched into, 10 forms!

He did know some pupils at the new school, and they were kind enough to put him in a tutor group with one or two The school did vertical tutoring so he also had a few of the 'big boys' to turn to which he appreciated.

His face when he came back from the taster day made it so worth it. But if he had come back saying he wasn't sure about moving I don't know what we would have done.

Interesting. Hope he does well.
And FWIW I would have done the same as you.

He's 18 now and doing well, he left last year.

DS2 is doing GCSEs at the original school and loves it.

I do think DS1 was a bit of an anomaly though. The school just didn't suit him and really there was nothing the school could have done to make it better for him. I did explain that to the Head when I took the transfer form in to sign, and they were great about it.

Sorry for me-rail OP.

My son is 17 is now in 6th form and has been saying the same things for years, he's got no friends (despite my house being full of boys when I come home from work early and the weekends), the teachers are rubbish, he doesn't fit in..... I have come to the conclusion that he would be saying the same thing whatever school he went to. I think some kids don't fit in well into the school system.

Yeah it's funny isn't it, I remember vividly hating high school. Hating it with every fibre of my being. I had friends, I did okay. It's just the constant pressure to fit in isn't it. I will try to be sympathetic when my boys moan, as I don't remember my mum or dad being that interested. And my dad taught at the school also, which didn't help...

@littlebillie tell us some more about your kids situation?

YY I was badly bullied throughout school. This may have made me want to sort things put sooner rather than later TBF.

I wasn't bullied really, a bit I guess (I'm ginger and was a bit podgy as a young teen), but I just felt like everyone was doing better than me, not academically, but in every other sense. Just an awkward time isn't it.

Sparkling ... aren't you glad you didn't grow up with FB and smartphones though. I certainly am.

YY. I am too london. Of course I would have wanted to be part of FB but it would not have gone well.
Selfies of me wearing the wrong shoes, having the wrong bag etc...

I would certainly have had some choice comments.

They are yr 8&9 feeling they are outside friendship groups it's a big school and lively so I imagine the day to day can be a bit challenging. DS has been beaten twice at the school and the 2nd time was serious. Nothing like this yet in this school year !

I am trying to be sympathetic but high school for most is dreadful from time to time. The boredom and stress of it all brings them down. Btw it's "outstanding" but with most state schools the cohort is varied.

He's been beaten up twice??!