Advice on Teen with anxiety :(

[seeyiyabass]

Hello all, this is my first post here and just looking for advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation as I am being slowly ground down by this and I just feel helpless :(

I have a DD16 and we have a very close relationship. Very open and honest. A year or so ago she started having panic attacks which led into feelings of being down and bouts of really bad anxiety. We went to the GP who referred her for counselling and we were very lucky in that her school had a counsellor who she has been seeing regularly and although not fully recovered things were looking a lot better. She still had small episodes but these were short lived.

Fast forward to the last month or so and her anxiety seems to be getting worse. She is in the last year of school and needs to pass two of her subjects to allow her to get into University this year. But she just feels so overwhelmed by everything. Her motivation is at zero, she explains to me that she feels she needs to put in the work but she just has absolutely no motivation whatsoever. She hates the classes with a passion and most of the anxiety stems from this (so she tells me) and it is making her incredibly down.

I have tried to explain to her that there is only a few months left and to just try to grin and bear it but it's falling on deaf ears. She cannot see the positive in anything and I just want to wave a magic wand to make everything better for her. I also worry that she would be like this even once she leaves school.

To give a bit of background, she only has a small group of friends who also suffer from some form of anxiety/depression and she doesn't go out very often. But she is not necessarily miserable all the time. She is an alternative teen where as she is in to Anime etc and likes the computer but does socialise occasionally. She has also "come out" as A Sexual and us as a family fully support her in this but none of that seems to impact her feelings - she is quite happy in that respect.

After her latest episode however, I have made an appointment to revisit our GP on Friday as we are just not getting any further forward with this.

I suppose I am asking if anyone knows how I'm feeling really? What do you think the next steps should or will be? Would she benefit from some form of medication or would alternative counselling help? I worry that the waiting time for that is longer than the time she has left at school.

In some ways she is just a typical teen, moody, fights with her brother, mouthy at us, but in other ways she is quite happy so really unsure if she's more anxious rather than depressed. I just want to help her :(

Thanks

I can identify with you as my dd at 16 had similar problems, made worse by becoming addicted to skunk. She had Counselling and help with drug problem but just would not go to school. I tried everything and nearly lost my sanity. I felt there was a lack of practical help for her, ie how to manage panic attacks. She's much better now, for her the turning point was completing a six month traineeship. Unfortunately she failed her GCSEs and is struggling to attend college. I think for her it's the academic environment she doesn't like. Time is making things easier, she learns that she can survive situations where she feels anxious. However she's still a typical 17 year old and 'forgets' to go to her part time job on the odd occasion. Good luck and my advice would be to make sure you look after yourself and remember, things will not always be this way and GCSEs are not the only route to success.

Thanks for your reply.

I think that is just what we need...some form of turning point and I do think that will happen in time. It's just so hard to deal with at the moment.

To be fair we have had lots of practical advice on how to manage the anxiety and attacks but it's getting her to put it in to practice. I can't do it for her and she has got to be on board to try. She is so fed up of feeling this way but her sheer lack of motivation holds her back.

She also knows within herself that there are other routes to success and we fully support her in anything she wants to do but she sees no positive in any of that.

I just worry it is going to get to a point where she is seriously depressed and that is an awful worry.

Glad your DD has come out the other side :)

I can sympathise with the lack of motivation as mine just avoided anything that made her anxious. You are so right in that 'you cannot make her' and my pushing my dd was counterproductive but I needed to feel I had done my best.

The lack of motivation can stem from the anxiety linked with failure of the exams. I was the same and in my head though well if I don’t try and fail it has no bearing on my intelligence or anything. But if I do try and still fail then I’m a failure

Cbt could help, I’m only finding this all out now

That makes sense actually, I can see the thought process behind that.

I think the GP may suggest CBT and I am hoping this could help a lot rather than medication which may not even be offered.

x

Lack of motivation is a symptom of depression, which can in turn be caused by anxiety. I would definitely look for help through your GP. Have you considered whether she might be autistic ( just reading your post - you could have been writing about my DD in sixth form). Anxiety in later teen years very common.

I can relate to what you’re experiencing with my DD 16 & in her last few months at school. She missed some of her mocks last week due to stress/anxiety. She says she feels low & has little self esteem. Spends a lot of time in her room, has friends but rarely socialises & prefers to be alone a lot but then feels sad as they’re out. Visited GP few days ago & she explained the exam stress/anxiety/low mood (which sometimes triggers angry outbursts) GP suggested she looked at Kooth.com a counselling platform for adolescents. CBT has a long waiting list in our area. I asked if Bach’s Rescue Remedy was suitable for 16yr olds, she was unable to recommend the product as such but it is suitable & had heard good reports. The drops have worked well so far in the mornings when she’s feeling anxious about school etc. I can empathise with you, we have an open honest relationship but I’m struggling at times to get through to her. I worry about her a lot, now she tells me her BF is finding it hard to cope with her anxiety etc so maybe ending their relationship, it’s a vicious circle as she’s aware it’s affecting those around her. We have treats & girly time at weekends but it seems short lived. I hope you get the advice you need.