Another screentime thread - moving towards self-regulation

[tadpolefeet]

Hi everyone,
Looking for advice re screentime. Have two children - 14 and 11, and so far have stuck to rules like no screens upstairs, limiting times, no screens at meals etc. But arguments seem to be increasing, and last night I caught ds watching videos in bed under the duvet... he'd taken an ipod upstairs.
I want to try to get him to see the need to self-regulate, and then help him do that. If possible I want to move away from more rules, more use of apps etc to control it etc, as I really want him to manage it himself... Am I being hopelessly optimistic?
Thanks!

I think you are being optimistic (sadly). I think it’s an addiction (not just for children but for adults as well). You need to put some rules and boundaries in place.

Your DC are around the age mine were when I decided to take a step back. Up until then I had very strict time limits for gaming consoles and bed times.
They were becoming more and more resentful by age 12 and I decided to change things.
For my part I would not dictate screen time or bed time as long as they got all school work done and were in bed screen free at a reasonable but not specific time on school nights. On other days they were free to do what they liked, although I never allowed phones at table.
They responded with enthusiasm. They were keen to prove to me that they were mature and responsible. I had to bite my tongue from time to time but the reduction in arguments and general family friction was fantastic.

On the subject of phones. DS2 is now at uni and went on a fewnights out for meals with friends when home for Christmas. He was utterly fed up with sitting around a table while all his friends looked at their phones throughout the meal.