Curfew

[Trannon]

Hello, all. I would love to know how people feel about the ever later finishing times for parties and the so-called 'gatherings ' which are so popular with teens now. I have a Year 12 16-year-old who constantly demands to be allowed to stay out until 11, 11:30 or later for these events and would like to be allowed to do so at least weekly in term time. His friends all happen to live in a different town a half hour's drive away, so this means picking him up very late. He insists, of course, that this is 'normal' for his year (not the impression I have from other parents and not, in any case relevant, in my view. He has a heavy academic load and quite a long bus journey to and from school, which means he leaves early and returns quite late and it is already quite difficult to ensure he sleeps enough and gets his homework done (his complaint), particularly as he spends a lot of time in the gym and has time-consuming but rewarding hobbies. My feeling is that he should not be doing this in term time, but I am getting very tired of the arguments and sulks and would really like to get an idea of what is considered generally reasonable. All thoughts welcome!

I think 11pm - 11:30pm + travel time home on a school night is way too late for a 16 year old.

That age should be getting 8 - 9 hours sleep a night. He should be in bed around 10:30pm. He must be shattered at school?

Just be thankful you are not living in France - they go on all night here so kids want picking up in the morning!!! Constant battle

Are the parties mid week or weekend? I have a 15 year old whose school and most of his social life are 30-40 min drive away. We let him stay out with friends/girlfriend till 10:30 at weekends and 11 if it's a party. He doesn't go out much midweek but is 9pm pick up if he does for school next day.
Some parties go on a bit later but we need to get back to our bed too and he gets this. Mostly they are finished by 11:30 anyway.
He is a year younger than yours though.
To be honest, 11, and maybe even 11:30 doesn't sound too late if one night a weekend, but no chance on a weekday. And it depends if he is ok getting up for school. If he is finding it a struggle to get up I would see that as a reason to come home earlier and tell him that.

I am going against the grain but I don't think that's late for a 16 year old. DD is nearly 17 we have no curfew, she doesn't go out during the week, not because I say so she's never wanted to. She usually goes out one night of the weekend and has to let me know by 11 if she's staying out or coming home, I don't do lifts after midnight unless it's an emergency.

It’s not normal for any 16 year old to be out that late on a week night under any circumstances. Unless it’s a one-off for an event of some kind.

On a weekend, 11:30 seems reasonable for someone that age as long as you’re happy who they’re with, what they’re doing and that they’re sensible.

I can’t think of any good reason why any teenager or “crowd” should be out after 10pm on a week night at the very latest and it’s farcical that any parent should be expected to travel any distance at that time of night during the week. Again, if it’s a one-off/occasional worthwhile event then that’s fair enough.

Thanks, everyone. I guess we all feel similar, it just gets a bit wearing having the discussion! Kareninfrance - I don't envy you! I'm not unhappy for him to go out latish on the odd Saturday, I just don't think it should be frequent or too late. I have been saying 11pm curfew back home - so pick up at 10:30ish, but maybe I should be a bit more flexible and distinguish between parties and just hanging out with friends.

Whoops - don't think I was clear on this. He is not allowed to stay out on school nights, period - mainly because it would automatically get too late as none of his friends are near and anyway, he doesn't have time as , like you, I think they need a minimum of 9 and preferably 10 (if possible) hours of sleep at this age. It was more the frequency of Friday and Saturday late nights he wants to have that was winding me up, plus some idea of how late is too late, as I wondered if I was being a bit too mean!