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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Any advice please - is this 'normal'?

3 replies

AtWitsEndwith6thformer · 02/01/2018 18:36

Hi all

I've posted about my son before. DS - aged 17. In Year 13, taking A Levels. He's affecting the whole family and I don't know if it's 'typicaI', 'not unusual' or not common at all..

I don't even know where to start with categorising the extend of his behaviour - I'll bullet point and try to be objective as I'd really like to know if I should just suck it up and ride the storm or if he is off the usual scale..

He does almost no work at all for A Levels (didn't for AS levels either and got crap results)
He's immature / disruptive and/or disrespectful at school in most lessons
He gets detentions almost every week at school but doesn't care or turn up to sanctions / detentions
His teachers constantly try to help him - he has no respect for them
He is possibly depressed so they are careful not too 'upset' him too much.
He has driving lessons but only if we pay and organise and has lied about going
We bought him a (cheap) car that he 'demanded' - he doesn't want to practise driving - it's stayed on the drive
He doesn't have a part time job and won't get one
He has a good social circle and is well liked (or was - I have no idea any more as he doesn't communicate)
He 'demands' money to go out with his friends and will stand over me and/or follow me from room to room and physically 'loom' and refuse to move from a room if I say no
He slams doors / punches walls if he doesn't get his way
He has no plans for post-Sixth form. He doesn't want to go to Uni but won't go to apprentice open evenings etc.
We've found 'nos' cannisters in his bags

He plays a sport. He is good at it. He has been asked to trial at a high level. He only does the minimum training.

Up until aged 16 he was all of the unmotivated things but also funny, caring and pleasant. Now he is a glooming black oppressive cloud over the house who only wants money. He has some level of depression. I pushed him to go and he's been to the GP and is starting counselling next week (so he says- now he's 17 I'm not privvy to his GP details or appointments).

My DH and I are united but it has got to the stage where I play down his behaviour to DH as I fear DS will front up to DH and it will blow up.

We have a teenage DD who he is horrible to (she's not very pleasant to him either).

Sorry for the complete ramble. We are no longing giving him any money but that just causes more rages. I'm at a loss as to how to deal with him.

OP posts:
Mary21 · 02/01/2018 18:55

Do you think he is doing any other drugs?
Remember you can’t control his behaviour. It’s his choice whether he works or not and his choice to fail. You can only provide him with the tools.
I think you are right not to give him any money.
Try and keep things light and conversational
Breath

TeenTimesTwo · 02/01/2018 18:56

I don't think it is normal.
I haven't any advice, but here's some Flowers & Wine

AtWitsEndwith6thformer · 02/01/2018 19:36

Thank you Mary and tks for the Flowers & Wine TeenTimes

I don't think he's doing any other drugs. He has smoked wide on a couple of rare occasions over the last year or so and it's been obvious.
I was surprised to find the NOS to be honest. He does drink (lots) of beer regularly with his mates but they all do.

We are not giving any more money. I also think you're right about no being responsible for him failing... he's clever enough to know that he has a choice.

Its such a crying shame to watch him throw away opportunities.

OP posts:
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