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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen not reading

16 replies

BetterWithCake · 02/01/2018 09:16

DD seems to have gone off reading, mostly because she has better things to do like spending time on her phone or messing around with makeup. I am constantly trying to encourage her to read more and suggest books she might like but I can’t actually make her read.

All her friends are avid readers and I’ve heard them joke around with her about being ‘uneducated’ because she doesn’t read. Has anyone else experienced this or have any suggestions? TIA

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SingSam · 02/01/2018 09:21

very little you can do

I have 2 teens - one reads loads and the other one does not read at all

if she used to read, I suspect it will come back to her at some point

and tbh what sort of friends joke about people being uneducated because they don't read ! very odd - if she has friends like that she may well feel the peer pressure to read or more likely find kinder friends who are interested in make up!

I am a reader so I do find it odd that I have one teen that does not read at all but in the end i have just had to accept it!

Original poster
BetterWithCake · 02/01/2018 14:35

She used to read a lot but less and less as she moves on in secondary school. I am hoping that she will come back to it.

Her friends are nice but high achievers and seem to be very snobbish about it which I find funny as it was the opposite when I was at school. One friend said to DD that she has ‘totally messed up her life’ by being moved down a set in Maths. DD is doing ok, no issues at school just a bit too easy going maybe.

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DayKay · 02/01/2018 14:44

What restrictions does she have on phone use? My niece (14) has her phone taken off her at 9 so she ends up reading before bed.

Rianna · 02/01/2018 14:51

My advice is : leave her alone .
maybe some holidays somewhere where there isn’t WiFi , so that she rediscovers the joy of reading . But ultimately, it’s her choice .
She could do worse things than not reading ...

Rianna · 02/01/2018 14:52

And I agree about the friends . Doesn’t sound like the right friends to me . Maybe she rebels against the pressure if that’s the environment?

Original poster
BetterWithCake · 02/01/2018 15:02

She is off her phone at 9 but will then usually come and watch TV with me and DH. I actually quite like that she sits with us and has a little chat about her day or what we are watching. Sometimes it’s an opportunity to talk about stuff in relation to what’s happened on tv - like if it’s a crime drama drugs etc., news stories or current affairs.

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Rianna · 02/01/2018 15:12

Betterwithcake all is going great ! She’s not doing drugs , not self harming , she’s talking to you ..maybe she has long schooldays and homework and just want to switch off . I read less myself these days - ages 11 I read at least 7 books a week . But we had shorter schooldays and more boring lifes . I was very unhappy anyway at 11...
Your daughter will probably go back to it at one point . Or maybe not . I know very intelligent people who don’t read . Nagging her will be counterproductive. Is she your first ? I’m at teenager no 4 and honestly , if they survive those years without being bullied , depressions , self harm , drugs ... you’ve got a lot to be grateful for .

FestiveNinja · 02/01/2018 15:18

Don't worry too much. She's a teen and they flirt around a lot at this stage with various activities. One of ours wasn't into reading at all as a child/teen and as an adult after about 25, he got back into reading again and has a wide range of literary interests. His general knowledge is terrific.

castasp · 02/01/2018 15:25

I was a voracious reader until about age 12, and then stopped until I was about 17 at which point I became a voracious reader again. My DD age 12 seems to be doing the same thing.

And there were no screens, apart from TV in my day.

It's just a phase, it'll pass and won't do her any harm. Teenagers are strange creatures!

Original poster
BetterWithCake · 02/01/2018 16:22

@Rianna yes she is my first born teenGrin I didn’t mean to sound all PFB I am very grateful that in the grand scheme of teen things this is not a great problem. It’s just hard to know what the norm is when her friends are different and I hear their parents saying that they have to stop their DCs reading and studying late into the night.

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Original poster
BetterWithCake · 02/01/2018 16:30

Also I have seen threads on MN that seem to have the same opinion as DDs friends about non readers.

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InternetHoopJumper · 02/01/2018 16:31

Is she required to read a lot at school? I was an avid reader too, until it became mandatory and they made me read books I hated. Years after I left school I picked it up again. I am reading quite a bit these days.

BackforGood · 02/01/2018 16:37

As it happens, all my dc do read, but they are pretty clear how unusual they are amongst their peers.
I don't think you've got too much to worry about from what you say.

Rianna · 02/01/2018 17:04

Betterwithcake I didn’t mean that... it’s just mine are older and two of mine ended up with chronic illnesses and then I think : why on earth did I think reading Jacqueline Wilson wasn’t good enough 😂. Is she at a grammar school though ?
Studying at night ? Now that I would discourage !
Honestly there’s so much pressure on children these days .... a lot of children end up with mental health problems . Maybe she’s at an age she’s outgrown the teenage books but doesn’t find literature interesting yet . My son used to read a lot and then stopped . I gets hard finding the right book . On holiday I suggested The Kite Runner and he enjoyed it . But now back at home it’s the computer again . They do all sorts of things on the computer though (maybe we don’t want to know what exactly ! ). My 11 year old comes up with all sort of things and turns out he learned it online ... it’s not all bad . It’s just different these days . But don’t listen to much to those parents because they sound like show offs - a bit competitive about who’s got the most academic child ? They probably exaggerate. And so what if she’s got a friend who reads more at the moment . It’s nothing to worry about , your child is herself and sounds like a lovely person .

Rianna · 02/01/2018 17:06

Oh and ps I read Sartre at 11, and am a housewife now and not particularly bright . children take their own way in their own time . Don’t worry !

Dox · 02/01/2018 19:24

She has been reading for pleasure up to now so she will come back to it, maybe never as much but if she has loved reading that doesn't go away.
Let's be honest how many of us read as much as we did before we could doodle away on the internet?

I have two DC now adults.
DS1 was a very early fluent reader but stopped reading fiction by the time he was 8 or 9. It didn't disadvantage him academically he is a high achiever. Just not a reader.
DS2 was slower to learn but had a love of reading which stuck. Once he got to teens he read much less. School work, gaming and other interests took over. However he does still love reading and will still read when he has time and lots on holidays. We like the same authors which is great.

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