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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How to tell a teen NO. :(

39 replies

mloo · 01/01/2018 19:45

Sorry this is vague. I have relatives on MN so trying not to tell them all this indirectly.

I told DD she could have something very expensive. I was sure I could talk DH around & he would ask his parents to help pay for it. But I didn't consult DH before making that offer. :( It turns out PILs only want to do what DH recommends.

Months later, DH remains implacably opposed. He deems the item a ridiculous waste of money. He says his folks only said "Yes" (recent) because DD pressured them. He is furious about Princess DD acting so entitled.

DH is being a wimp. He is sulking and stressed out but he doesn't want to tell DD No.

I made this mess because I should have consulted DH first. So now it falls to me to tell DD NO. An almighty many day/week tantrum will ensue and the tension between DD & DH is going to be horrific.

I am scavenging here for moral support. And any suggestions when or how it's best to tell a bolshy Teen they can't have something their heart is set upon. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
TrojansAreSmegheads · 01/01/2018 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorthernSpirit · 01/01/2018 21:30

You need to take full responsibility for this and deal with the consequences.

You went out on your own and told your daughter she could have something without consulting your husband. You were in the wrong - you should of discussed with your husband 1st.

You then say You wanted to talk him round, he’s stressed out and a wimp. Your poor husband. That sounds very manipulative and this is your doing. Deal with the consequences. Children (and adults) need to realise that they don’t always get their own way. It will be a good life lesson.

Haffdonga · 01/01/2018 21:37

Be honest.
Sorry dd I was wrong and you cant have an X. I shouldn't have told you that you could have one without agreeing it first with dh and PILs.

Willow2017 · 01/01/2018 22:00

I do actually know somewhere online to post where only niceness is allowed
Where is this magical place?

But as for your question, you need top bite the bullet and tell dd that its not possible at this time and you should have actually cleared it with DH and his parents before telling her she could have it.
Just be honest with yourself and her and tell her you mucked it up and you are sorry but sometimes you get things wrong your only human.

If she strops she strops. Then she doesnt get anything else until she proves she can act with some respect for her parents.

Snowman41 · 02/01/2018 10:03

I do actually know somewhere online to post where only niceness is allowed, might be best to go there, instead.

Sweet.

Tinycitrus · 02/01/2018 10:06

So you aren’t going to say what this wildly expensive thing is or how much it would cost? Confused

Just tell her no she can’t have it, it’s too expensive.

BeyondThePage · 02/01/2018 10:11

You start with
"I'm sorry",
"I shouldn't have made promises for other people to keep",
"we will not be getting x/y/z after all, I know you will be disappointed, but it is not going to happen, sorry"

midnightmooch · 02/01/2018 10:30

You need to own this problem - your dh is not a wimp - he said no to you, not your dd - he promised your dd nothing!

You need to tell your dd what you did wrong and apologise to her for promising something you had no right to promise - explain that adult screw up too and you have had to learn from your mistakes.

Runninglateeveryday · 02/01/2018 16:58

I reckon it's a horse?! If so can't you look into part loaning one? Or she can work at the stables to ride more?

You are going to have to say no and she is of an age where she probably will guilt trip and have a meltdown. Just be honest and say I shouldn't have agreed without checking, on checking we don't have the finances available.

KingscoteStaff · 02/01/2018 21:36

It’s a pony, isn’t it?

Thehogfather · 02/01/2018 21:46

Tell her that having what I presume is a first horse is a commitment that needs you all on board. And then you apologise for telling her she could before you & dh had agreed, and explain whatever his reasoning is.

Tbh though if it's a horse you have a ready made reason, the time/ upkeep/ knowledge required.

corythatwas · 04/01/2018 10:09

to be honest, if somebody told me they would give me something expensive that I really, really wanted and then it turned out they'd been making unsubstantiated promises, I would be very angry too- and I'm in my 50s

you don't need to rewrite this as teen entitlement: you need to apologise and accept that she has the right to feel let down

Caulk · 04/01/2018 10:16

Is this a reverse?

FedUpWithBriiiiiick · 04/01/2018 10:24

I call reverse

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