Almost 13 yr old - can't please her!

[youvegottobekidding]

My DD will be 13 soon. She's moody, sarcastic & just downright hard to please! She whinges every single day about something, whether it be her hair, her clothes, her face, her life, her family.

For Christmas, we got her a few of the items she asked for, trainers, a new coat and some tracksuit bottoms for example. The coat was faulty so we returned it, she used the money we got back from that & the money she got for Christmas to buy a north face one. It was one she originally wanted (be we couldn't afford to get her) but she still found fault with it - there wasn't a fault with it it was just because when the zip is done right up, it comes right up to the neck so she said it's annoying.

The tracksuit bottoms began to get a little bobbly (she only wore them at home) she became paranoid that they would bobble everywhere so refused to keep them so we returned them for something else. These new ones fit lovely, but she's said they are a bit tight loooking (they are skinny fit). She keeps asking if they will bobble.

Her school trainers arrived today, a nice pair of adidas black haven, she'd seen online & couldn't wait to get them. Great fit but oh they a bit bulky, do they look ok with her school trousers, what about this bit, mmm, I'm not sure about this, nah don't like them. FFS! We could buy the dearest shoes, coat, clothes whatever & the girl will never be happy, whatever we get her, she seems impossible to please.

I feel like taking everything away from her, her phone, which was new this year, that she continuously complains about, and just see how she gets on then. Make her wear old stuff until she appreciates just what she has. Like I said, she's grumpy with us, sarcastic and backchats us. It's exhausting, I feel ill myself with cold at the moment so I'm not taking any prisoners but of course I don't want my daughter to be unhappy but I want her to respect me, her dad & other people & stop being so ungrateful! She use to be such a thoughtful & caring person until she started secondary school. Everything seems to be going ok there. I guess most of it is just her age but bloody hell tell me it gets better/easier please!!

A lot of what you describe is her insecurity about self so I'd just reassure her, smile - and spend more time in the loo/bath

The comments over the Xmas presents aren't a big deal, it sounds like she has spent her Xmas money (from your returned coat and her own Xmas money) on an expensive North Face jacket which she and many teenagers covet but is not entirely sure its perfect and could she get something better. She's only 13 you need to guide her that she either compromises on what she has bought or returns it for something else, it takes a bit of time and maturity to get to grips with compromising on what you buy when spending money (in amounts you don't have often) and it sound like she lacks confidence in expressing that. She doesn't sound particularly ungrateful, just unsure of what she wants.

Being grumpy, sarcastic and backchating, showing a lack of respect is typical teenage behaviour that needs managing, but try to stay calm, listen and communicate without butting heads with her over little things (as much as they annoy you) as it will get both of you nowhere.

^^ or spend more time in the loo/bath brilliant advice

What did she get you for Xmas? Start moaning and bitching and winging about that

She's being completely normal for her age, it will pass! Complement her and remember how bitchy girls can be to each other, she just wants to feel confident and fit in!

She sounds anxious (the bobbling)

Reassure her, don't punish her

She's feeling insecure and wants to look ok. She isn't an adult so she doesn't have a regular disposable income that she can frequently buy clothes from, so it's important that on the rare occasion that she is able to (birthdays and Xmas) that they're the right ones and she likes them.

Don't character assassinate her 'she use to be so caring'. She is still caring, kind and lovely. It's just her mother is a miserable person with no patience. Have some patience and understanding. Letting her wear clothes she likes isn't hurting you in anyway, give her a break.

Normal teenager. I have been informed that normality returns about the age of 16 in the meantime wine and chocolate helps!

Thank you for your replies, the spending more time in the bathroom, wine & chocolate sounds good 😀

She's been to her friends today (yay my ears got some rest!) and her friend came back with her for a few hrs so this seemed to cheer her up. Of course she came down with said friend & new school trainers to ask me about trainers again & whether I think they look ok, I told her (for millionth time - I didn't say this to her) that I think they look really nice on her, suit her & i asked her if they feel comfy & she said I think so but not sure if they are a bit bulky looking etc etc or what her friends will think etc, her friend just remained quiet as you'd expect.

School starts back on 8th for us 😬

Did they look bulky?

The social pressure to look just right these days is enormous and it sounds like she is really feeling this. I have also been incredibly frustrated at endless conversations about how DD looks in certain items of clothes or shoes. It is particularly soul destroying if you have spent your time and hard earned cash to buy them exactly what they want.

My advice is to try to not to take it personally. Her absolute fear of not looking just right or fitting in is overriding any rational thinking.

I guess most of it is just her age but bloody hell tell me it gets better/easier please!!

It does get better! Being ungrateful and needing lots of reassurance come with the territory I'm afraid, try and roll with it to an extent. Have some boundaries for disrespect/rudeness whilst appreciating they are not going to act like they are at the Queen's tea party at this age (unless they are at the Queen's tea party...lol) Just try and be sensible, if she has just been bought a perfectly good coat don't go out and buy another just because she is now moaning. Little things are a big deal (bobbling) at this age. Reassure without pandering to it....gosh it's a fine art, I think we all learn on the job OP.

Let me assure you that several years ago I had the 12/13/14 yr old from hell,( I actually wanted to leave the country for a desert island at times) and now she's a near 16 yr old from heaven.

Long baths, hard liquor and chocolate helped.

She just needs reassurance. It's unlikely she's fretting over her clothes in order to specifically annoy you.