How do you judge readiness for independence?

[becotide]

At what developmental stage is it reasonable to, eg

Be left at home for two hours
Be allowed to cook without adult supervision
Get a bus into town alone (without gang of friends)
Babysit a primary aged child (not babies or toddlers)

The reason I ask for stage rather than age is that I have a child with ASD and ADHD. It impacts his ability to be independent but has not destroyed it - his independence will come later. SO unlike other parents, I can't rely on whether or not his peers are allowed to do something. He doesn't have a developmental "age" - his development is spiky, so I'm looking for behavioural clues really.

For example, he's allowed to use the kettle because he's both tall and strong enough to safely lift a full kettle, and has demonstrated this will a cold one. He loves this allowance of adult behaviour and I want to give him more - if it's safe.

bump

My DS could cook a meal at 10, but he is very sensible (well most of the time) and we have done a lot of cooking with him. He has the Usborne cookbook for boys which is easy to follow and the food is alright too.

Probably 11 for being left for 2 hours. We started with 10 minutes and built up.

He hasn’t down the bus thing, but we are pretty rural and the buses are quite frankly crap!

He hasn’t babysat his younger sibling yet mainly because one of the would have murdered the other after an hour. I think babysitting totally depends on whether the younger ones is awake or asleep in bed.

HTH.

Until I saw the topic this was under, I thought it was about Catalonia!

You've figured it out, though.
Think about the skills they need to do it safely.
Your lad can hoist and our from the kettle without spilling it, so cuppas are a go.

Be left at home for two hours
need to have access to phone & be confident to approach neighbours Not be scared to be alone, obey instructions not to do dodgy things when you're out (lots of MNers tell their kids not allowed to answer the door. I want them to answer the door but I don't want them to try unfamiliar types of cooking).

Be allowed to cook without adult supervision
When they do it without asking... if I'm honest! they know better than me after a while, has been around 14yo, but mine have no SN.

Get a bus into town alone (without gang of friends)
Do they know how to pay, where to wait, how to get hold of you if they miss the bus, how to read the schedule for return, etc., what's the back up plan?

Babysit a primary aged child (not babies or toddlers)
When they won't squabble & will keep track of what the kid is doing & know what to do (who to ring, what info to give over phone) if anything goes wrong.

Name changed
We worked our way up to everything over a number of years.
Walking to post box around the corner alone, local, shop, then into town all on tasks for us, eg can you go and buy a 4 pint of milk etc.
With the bus we found Ds was way better alone than with friends as he was very responsible alone and not distracted. We over practiced everything. Including things going wrong. Find way back if missed stop etc.
Same cooking alone lots of practice with us then leaving him to small bits and building up.
Ability age (we are suburban London)
Post box 7,
Local shop 10
Buses known route 11
Going into London to meet dad for lunch 14
Realistically everything was such a slow build up from leaving for a few minutes to much longer.
He is now a very independent 20 year old who has travelled abroad alone.
We know alone he is great but maybe influenced if he is with peers and hand over responsibility rather than thinking and working things out for himself

I don't rely on what peers are doing - some parents have a poor ability to assess risk - some are over cautious and others seem not to care.

I know my kids and I listen to them, when they tell me they want to do something we talk through what my fears are and how we can mitigate them. I do try to let them do as much as they want to do - if they want more independence I try to give it to them.
I think you don't leave them for 2 hours initially. You work up to it, everything in stages.
Let them cook without your interference - go upstairs if you need to.
Shadow them going into town on a bus - let them make all the decisions...keep doing this until you are happy they can do it.
Babysitting a Primary kid not until they have demonstrated they can look after themselves at the very least.

Be left at home for two hours - this would be if has demonstrated sense if you’re out the back garden and the doorbell goes or if he’s ok if you pop out for 10,15,30mins.

Be allowed to cook without adult supervision - I’d start with him cooking while you’re in the room but not watching them in the next room. Etc.

Get a bus into town alone (without gang of friends) - this depends a lot on how familiar the journey/places involved are and how used to buses he is.

Babysit a primary aged child (not babies or toddlers) - only once all the above are comfortable.

Placemarking.
Two billion things on today's to do list. But this was huge issue in our family , similar, so will return later.

I have exactly this. Eldest is nearly 16. Still can't cook a meal unsupervised, goes into town with mates but won't go alone, can be left with siblings for an hour but only if he's taken his medication and only during daytimes not in the evening, having to supervise bedtimes.

He does however make a decent cup of tea for me, take out the recycling and rubbish, clean out the car, load and unload the dishwasher and do an occasional load of washing. Walking the dog is tricky because she's a puller and a bit grumpy if other dogs chase her. I'll be teaching him to mow the lawn in the summer and praying he doesn't chop his toes off. He's prob about 2 years socially/independence-wise begins his peers.

Oh and he can go to the local co-op with a small shopping list and get groceries by himself. As PPs have said it's a process of building up confidence and dealing with anxieties about the unknown/untested. Slowly slowly etc.

Being left at home for two hours, start with short periods of 10 mins or so and work up gradually to the two hours if all goes well and they are happy with it. Teach them the usual rules about not answering the door, letting friends in etc. Leave a mobile number.

I'd want them to have done a fair bit of supervised cooking before letting them do it on their own.