Teenagers and self harming

[aliasjoey]

I was going to post specifically about DD(15) but then I thought maybe this could just be a general thread for support and advice?

So, I’ll start. I found out that DD was self harming last week after I arrived home to find 2 policemen in my living room drinking tea.

The school had called the police due to safeguarding as there was a concern that she would harm herself. She has since assured me that this was exaggerated/taken out of context, and she is okay.

She was already seeing a counsellor through school, but now we have talked to the GP and they have also made a referral.

However, I have seen some of her phone messages, and have no idea what is really happening. She and a friend appear to be in some kind of contest over who can be the most neurotic, they are swapping tips !

Aside from trying to stay calm and act supportive, my immediate question is should I tell the other girls parents and try to put a stop to these conversations which are reinforcing the problem?

Absolutely.

Sorry you're going through this, OP! What a horrible situation

So sorry OP, this must be really hard. I’m not sure stopping her texting her mate is a good idea though, even if you think the conversations are unhelpful. Won’t she just feel that you don’t understand and are punishing her?

I used to be horrified but I'm kind of impassive now. It's so common. Without trying, I instantly think of 4 kids DD knows well who have done this repeatedly. The kids all talk about it & know someone who has done it & many have also dabbled to see what it's like and if it makes them feel better in response to stress. I can only suggest, keep the comms channels open. My guess is that the less pent-up unresolved emotion and angst they have, the less likely they are to resort to self-harm.

Have some experience of this although it's the other child who is self harming and suicidal and actively encouraging dd to join in.

'She and a friend appear to be in some kind of contest over who can be the most neurotic' can massively relate to this.

I tried to stop the texting and relationship between the two girls and they are just lying about it instead.

... I kind of agree that the more they talk about it the more it makes them actually want to try it in response to emotional stress. Literally plants the idea... Literally FOMO. But we all had eating disorders without talking about it (my generation), so most kids will try something self-destructive I reckon, no matter what.

Cat's out of the bag, better they talk now. Would be terrible to shut down the talk.

Thanks for the replies. I thought a general support thread would be useful because the more I look into it, the more I realise how common it is! It’s like it has replaced smoking as the illicit behaviour we all used to do...

I am reluctant to take her phone off her, because I don’t think that will stop them. And as said upthread, she may feel it is a punishment.

The school counsellor hasn’t been massively helpful, but also DD is unwilling to engage.

I think I’ll try and talk to the other parents? The more people that know, the more support they both get - right?