Daughter 12 Pulling her hair out coiling it round her finger and eating it

[Brighteyes27]

Recently our Daughter age 12/year 8 has been pulling her own hair out, coiling it around her fingers and eating it.
We have witnessed her doing this and gently asked her not to do it and she denies it. We have tried asking if she is ok and she says she is but becomes very bad tempered.
She had a friendship issue in year 7 which left her quite isolated which she seemed to prefer than have phoney friends. Towards the end of year 8 she made some new friends but these girls don’t live anywhere near us so she only sees one of them out of school and not that often. Up until about a fortnight ago I would have said she was the happiest i’d seen her for awhile. How do we help her with this any advice?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/trichotillomania/

Please take your daughter to the GP to discuss your options and take her straight away if she is eating it.

My sister did this for years and had to have an operation to remove the hairballs in her stomach. She's had years of counselling and finally stopped 6 years ago. She wears a wig because her hair didn't grow back but you can't tell it's one unless you know.

Oh poor OP and DD.

This is called something like trichomania, you can look it up. It is mainly a self soothing thing as far as I am aware, caused by stress.

I used to do it when I was young, I even had fairly bald patches and luckily I grew out of it. I didn't eat the hair though, I would break it in two and throw it on the floor you almost go into a trance. Believe me, she is ashamed.

Someone will be along with more advice and I have seen other threads on here if that is any help.

Thanks i wondered about this I did look it up because it is a fairly new thing I hoped she would grow out of it. I am not sure whether she is doing it to sort of damage herself or soothe herself if that makes sense. She is gorgeous but doesn’t realise it and doesn’t bother much with hygenie or appearance (in contrast to most of her peers). She currently wears a brace but is due to have this removed next month.

Oh I can't post anything useful but hope you and your dd work this out very soon.

My dd2 used to pull my hair since she was a baby as a way of soothing herself and now at 5 fiddles with her own hair to self sooth all the time. I will be reading with interest.

A friend's DD nearly died from a ruptured bowel obstructed by a hair ball; you need to take her to the GP and seek help for her.

Aw god this is awful it’s my DS’s birthday tomorrow so i’ll have to try and get her in later on in the week although if she’s denying it and kicking off when I mention it I may need DH’s support for a trip to see the GP with her. It’s so horrible seeing her doing this I feel like it’s affecting me as well. Thanks all.

In a way, it is like biting finger nails.sucking the thumb etc.
It is basically a bad habit but I think in some way linked with anxiety (well it was for me)
That should make it feel better in a way / the bad habit thing. My brother used to bite his nails till they were bleeding and non existent for example.

I get cross with DH when he makes a 'thing' about DD's thumb sucking (9) because the more he goes on about it the more upset she gets and the more she does it. She definitely does it to self soothe.

The main worry is that she eats the hair.

There are whole websites about this. I do feel for you.

There is another thing btw where people pull out their eyelashes. Apparently Sam Faiers has no eyelashes left. It effects more people than you think.

Does she eat the whole hair, or just the bulb?

It’s a form of OCD which blighted my life for many years (I had huge bald patches). The doctor was no help.

I’d look at CBT for her. Good luck.

I have this. Pull out eyebrows with tweezers. For nearly 20 years. Eyebrows not too bad atm but all linked to anxiety. It's a form of OCD and self harm. I take anti-depressants.

It does sound like Trichotillomania.

I have had it since I was about 8/9 and still have it!

It can be related to stress, it can be related to boredom. For me it's a comfort thing and a habit.

I always found it incredibly irritating and even more stressful when my mum said "stop pulling" and drew attention to it even when she meant well and in fact it just made me even more embarrassed and ashamed about it. I would also have been mortified if my mum had taken me to a doctor... I can barely admit to hairdressers still these days why my hair is all different lengths...

I would just be aware of any stressors of hers, try to limit them/help her limit them. There is little Doctor's can do for trichotillomania to be honest! I don't even think many know about it and sometimes even dealing with underlying anxiety doesn't actually stop the pulling. I know my pulling gets worse with anxiety, but when I'm not anxious it doesn't stop...

I hope things improve for her though.

Gierg & others thank you. Gierg that sounds exactly like her. I have only really noticed it in the last two weeks. She does it when watching tv with the family.
She pulls the hair out and spends ages coiling it round her fingers (she has long hair) then she tries to shove it in her mouth discreetly.
I have tried asking her nicely about it and talking to her in general but last night I am ashamed to say I resorted to shouting at her as she was doing it. She was shocked, surprised and a bit embarrassed. I just wanted her to stop it as I was worried about her. Needless to say she did it even more and also becam angry with me.

@Brighteyes27

Oh I can totally understand the shouting... I can't imagine how worrying (and also annoying) it was for my mum that I pulled. I would try and be as gentle and discreet as possible though. being caught can be a bit like being found masturbating for me... it's very embarrassing! Haha!

Maybe direct her to bfrb.org, they're a website that offers support for people who have body focussed repetitive behaviours (of which trich is one) it could also be a good place for you to look, as I'm sure they have info for parents and carers on how to deal with these things too.

Just to say though, it's great you want to help her through this and understand it. My family didn't understand and weren't willing to ask questions about it, so maybe that's why it's lasted as long as it has for me... who knows!

Thanks Gierg-I never thought of it like that my poor DD. I will look at this site.

I do the skin picking and eye brow picking part of this. It's definitely linked to my anxiety. I also used to pick at my split ends about her age. Could do it for hours! My hair is short now which actually helps. I also ask my partner to hide the tweezers if it's getting out of hand.
Definitely see the GP but may be worth looking at healthier self soothing behaviours such as knitting, cross stitch, fiddle toys like putty. Sounds silly but it helps me!

I had no eyebrows until I had 25 and can still rip the whole lot out overnight when I’m asleep so wear gloves to bed. I cut my hair out in lumps because I used to like to look at it.

If you make it a big deal then it’ll get worse. My mum used to tell me to just stop not realising it made it worse. I’ve found keeping my hair cut to a specific length and getting my brows threaded and tinted regularly helps - if they are ts kept ‘sharp’ then I mentally allow myself to do it.

Well I have been ill with this Flu bug thing and it has really taken it out of me. I booked DD an appointment with the nurse practitioner on Monday the only appointment I could get was in school time. She kicked off and totally refused to go. She is almost the same height as me and I am still getting over this so in the end I had to cancel the appointment. On Tuesday she was getting her brace taken off and they mentioned lots of hairs stuck between her teeth and her gums and asked her if she had been chewing at a hair brush or make up brush. I answered as she had her mouth full at the time and said no she has been eating her hair.
Goodness knows what her insides are like.
DH works too far away to get to a doctors appointment in the middle of the day. DD assures me she has stopped with the hair pulling and I haven’t witnessed this as much lately or she could be doing it in private.
Is it possible to stop, could it grow back on its own or how else can I consult a professional about this when she refuses to go and she is too big to drag/carry along? This is some photos of her hair/crown taken in the last few days without her knowledge.

Your poor DD. Her hair will almost certainly grow back but I think you should really drag her to a doctor kicking and screaming as it can have dangerous complications such as hairballs in the stomach (I know she says she has stopped but can you 100% believe her?).

Yes, I think it's important that you get her to the doctor, whatever it takes. It does sound like trichotillomania. Can you talk to some of her teachers to see if they've noticed her doing it at school?

Thanks it’s such a big school and they seem to dismiss everything.
I thought as much. I really need DH to help me these days as she can be quite the handful if she doesn’t want to do something. She is 5ft 10 and very strong.

Could you sit her down and talk to her? Basically saying that if she doesn't get checked out, it could snowball rapidly and she could end up having surgery to remove the hairballs that are quickly accumulating in her stomach? I know scaremongering isn't the greatest but needs must sometimes.

I 'twiddle' the ends of my hair into little balls and then break them off with my fingers as a self soothing thing and have done since I was 15 when my best friend had a psychotic episode and was sectioned.

I've had extensions in since I was 20 which helped as I took it out on them rather than my own hair. It's more a habit now more than anything. I do it in a trance state like watching telly, so although it may be annoying - try engaging if watching together. I never went to the gp but I'm getting married in August so have gone cold turkey as well as having a good hair care routine.

My hair is growing back now but it's very broken. It does make you feel so ashamed, particularly when it's pointed out, which I think you should only do if she asks you to or if she goes to eat the hair as you know it's dangerous. I find I can also switch out the hair twiddling if I use another fidget thing with my fingers that also self soothes like certain stress balls, which yes I can shred to pieces but rather that than you hair 🙈

Best of luck. It was probably disheartening for my mum to see too but the compulsion for her will be far worse x

I have showed her articles on hair balls and discussed it with her. The orthodontist staff had a hell of a job picking all the hair out of her teeth and gums.
She has had a hard year in terms of friends and friendship groups which she appeared to take in her stride. She had lots of support from me but I do think it’s the aftermath of bitchy vile behaviour from School.

Oh your poor DD... :( for both of you. It's so tough :(

I really feel for young people going through Trich. It's such a crappy impulse control disorder... you feel crap so you pull, you feel crap cos you pull. The cycle continues... I hope all the surrounding stressors calm down soon though. Is there any sort of club she could go to to help take her mind off? I know when I'm busy and social in a good way, the pulling urge is a bit less. Maybe Guides? Dunno....

the eating hair thing is not great... but it's hard to see how to force her to go to a doctor... have you had a look at some of the web resources together? Is there anything of help there? I don't know much about stopping that...

Fidget toys are a good help, it might not stop it totally but will be a good distraction. Maybe if it's a mouth sensation thing, is there any sort of mouth toy she can chew? I know I like chewing gum for that, but with a brace I reckon that's not a great idea... maybe have a google for sensory toys and see if there's something chewable?

The hair will grow back. It might take a while and be a bit damaged but it will grow back. Mine did and still does xxxx

I started hair pulling around 8 years ago during a very stressful period. I didn't eat the hair but sometimes felt the root with my lips. I did have lots of little bald patches, probably no bigger than a little finger nail. I still do it now, not as much but I have noticed when I am stressed I get eczema on my head and it feels really good to pull the hairs out as they itch in the dry skin and then I pull other hairs too. I can't remember ehen I didn't have new hair growth showing all along my parting.

I would gently suggest that she might want to talk about anything that is worrying her.