Son is risking my tenancy

[Gerbil17]

My 13yo ds is getting into so much trouble i am now being threatened about losing my home. Fair enough - i cant argue with it.

What i can say is that i am at the end of my tether with ds as he is also making my life hell, as well as the community.

I also have two younger ds who are scared of him.
He refuses to go to school and because of this he loses the internet. His response to the very well know consequence, is to become verbally abusive and sometimes physically violent around the home.

I suffer from chronic anxiety and all of this is making me very unwell.
I am sure my anxiety has had an impact on his life, but there is no excuse for this type of behaviour.
I am not an angry person and never display aggressive or verbal outbursts - so it is not a case of him doing as he has learned from me.
His dad is not present in his life and hasnt been since a young child so this is all on me.

I really dont know what to do. School are at a loss. Children services arent much good. Camhs are in the process, but i dont feel will do any good.
It is not like i am sitting back and doing nothing. He just has this attitude of not caring, and he will do what he wants - no matter what damage is caused or how much his behaviour impacts on others.

He is not the only one. There is a group of them but he and his best friend seem to be the worst ones. Me and this childs mother have tried keeping them apart, but they do not listen.

I am at the stage of where i could quite happily sign him over to CS as i am sick to death of it all and now myself and younger children facing losing our home due to all of this.

[CheapSausagesAndSpam]

Are you housed by a social housing place OP? Could you apply for a move through them? A new start? Are you in constant and good communication with your housing officer?

[Gerbil17]

I am with the local council.
I am where i am due to my mental health and having family support close by.
If i was to move out of the area i would lose that and risk finding myself in the same position with my ds.
The fact that he and his best friend seem to be the main ones makes me believe that would be the case.

[CheapSausagesAndSpam]

Does he go out at night when you've told him not to?

[Tinselistacky]

Have you actually told your ds this may be a reality?

[Gerbil17]

My ds is almost always in for the time he is meant to be in. If i was to ground him, he would just leave.

I have explained it to him many times.
Yesterday i told him again after the police had been. I was hurled with mouthfuls of abuse and he kicked the stair gate off before storming out of the house.
Because i was "blaming" him when its not just him.
When i wasnt - but he is my responsibility and im not dealing with the other children.

[Gerbil17]

This has been going on for almost 2 years now.
Every now and then ill get a month where i think things have turned a corner and then we are back.
He has had quite a lot of involvement with the police considering he is only 13. He has a caution which is now down on his record.
The police have had strong words with him.

I really have no idea what i can do when he just refuses to care or listen.
You can see that he understands that what he is doing is wrong, but you can also see that he genuinely doesnt care.

How can anybody work with that?
You cant help someone who isnt willing to help themselves and that is where i find we are at

[Mary21]

I think if you are in danger of loosing the roof over your other children,s heads your best option is to phone social services and tell them to take him into care now. They probably won’t like it but if is they don’t they could end up having to find places for your other children.
At the very least it might produce more help

[Gerbil17]

I spoke to them and they said they will speak with housing to inform them that i am not just sitting back doing nothing.

I cant help but think this wont make a pick of difference though considering nothing is working with ds so people are going to continue to suffer while SS tries to tick all boxes.

[Gerbil17]

What can i do?

I have thought about it all overnight and i cannot see any work with SS changing anything with my son.
All i can see is things continue to escalate to the point that even with back up from SS to my local housing is me and my children losing my home.

I do suffer from chronic anxiety so am well aware i may be overthinking, but i really do feel i am viewing this logically.

[Gerbil17]

How could i tell them to just take my ds? If i did, surely then they would think i was incapable of looking after my other dc if im happy to just give him up.