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Teenagers

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Original poster

My DD keeps receiving text messages from obsessive person

25 replies

nada2106 · 14/12/2017 13:45

My 18 year old DD gave her mobile number to a young man she met in a club a year ago. Apparently he wanted to talk to her, she wasn't interested and "to get rid of him", she gave him her number. He kept texting her after that, telling her that he likes her; she ignored his messages. A couple of months ago, he texted her again with lots of compliments, telling her that he loves her and that he knows her full name. She texted back saying that actually she has a boyfriend. She also asked him how he knows her full name and he sent her a screenshot with her full name and year of birth and a town where she was born. We couldn't tell where he get that from but it looked like an official document as my DD never but never uses her middle name! That was very disturbing but at least he stopped texting her.

Few days ago he started again, telling her that he will wait for her and then, as she didn't replied, he texted again asking if his cousin talked to her and accusing his cousin for her silence. The man seems to be obsessed and doesn't sound to be in his right mind. DD blocked him. She just called from college telling me that she received a parcel from him: card and a teddy bear.

I'm out of mind, she is very worried now that he found out which college she goes to.

Please, please, can anyone suggest what to do. We will call police later when she comes home but I'm not convinced that they can do anything. What would you do? Thank you.

OP posts:
Bloomed · 14/12/2017 13:48

I think getting some advice from the police would be a very good idea.

teaortequila23 · 14/12/2017 13:49

Sorry no advice except to Tell her to throw the teddy bear it could have a camera in it

user1493413286 · 14/12/2017 13:50

The police is your best course of action; they can visit the man and issue him with a warning as what he is doing is harassment and potentially moves into stalking laws.
I’d also contact the college and let them know what’s happening.
Make sure your daughter knows what to do if approached etc.
I’d contact some stalking organisations for advice too.

user1493413286 · 14/12/2017 13:51

I would call the police now and let them know what time she will be home. They won’t rush around the minute you phone but if they’ve got a couple of hours notice they can plan to come after the time you say

user1493413286 · 14/12/2017 13:52

Also how private is her social media? If it says her college on that he may have found out that way so I’d check what else he can see.

DancingLedge · 14/12/2017 13:54

You are right to take this seriously.
I suggest you talk it over with people who know about these things, and then try to support your daughter as calmly as you can.

This is shit behaviour, but there is help out there.

www.actionagainststalking.org

www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/Category/national-stalking-helpline

www.scaredofsomeone.org

SparklingSnowfall · 14/12/2017 13:54

Yes agree with calling the police now to set up a meeting for later if possible.

noodlesandtomatoes · 14/12/2017 13:58

Police!

Original poster
nada2106 · 14/12/2017 13:59

Thank you very much. I will call college and police now. So, so worried. Her social media is private as much as that can be. She never mentioned her college name.

OP posts:
TheQueenOfWands · 14/12/2017 14:00

He's not an obsessive person, he's a stalker.

I'd call the police. I know she's 18 but she's still your baby. I'd be in full lioness mode.

DancingLedge · 14/12/2017 14:12

And, please, please, tell teenage daughters this: don't give out your real number to comparative strangers. Just get a few digits wrong. Take his number if you want to, but don't give him yours.

GlitteryFluff · 14/12/2017 14:31

Hope the police can help. It sounds like it’s escalating, soon he’ll be turning up to places.

TabbyTigger · 14/12/2017 18:23

Absolutely get the police involved. He sounds somewhat unstable and unaware that he’s totally crossed a line. Creepy behaviour. Good luck to you and your DD - sounds like she was dealing with himsensibly.

Redcrayons · 14/12/2017 18:25

Good grief, how scary. Definitely get the police involved, it's harassment at the very least.

Has she kept the texts?

WallisFrizz · 14/12/2017 18:25

Yes to the Police. Keep all texts from him (though don’t unblock him). Keep the parcel for the Police.

BewareOfDragons · 14/12/2017 18:29

I'm glad you're calling the police. This is serious and worrying. Don't let them tell you otherwise.

PringlesSmoothie · 14/12/2017 18:41

Agree report it asap

Childrenofthestones · 15/12/2017 06:58

Hope it went alright and the police got their finger out.
Dancing Ledge is spot on though it is difficult as all they have to say is "let me just check that and ring the number" and of course your phone doesn't ring so they know.
Stalkers now have a whole box of toys at their disposal compared to a generation ago. As someone said, social media is a wealth of information. All he needs is the name of somebody your daughter hangs out with and if their social media isn't set private how many photographs of her with your daughter in the group out enjoying themselves at their regular haunts or at her college are freely available to him?

Keep in mind in most cases a warning from the police can be enough.
Good luck let us know how you got on.

InfiniteSheldon · 15/12/2017 07:05

I would add she needs to come off all social media for a while poor lass how scary for you both

Original poster
nada2106 · 15/12/2017 09:15

Thank you all for your kind words and support. Police were very supportive, they will warn him and hopefully that will be enough.

It is so easy for those with twisted minds to get hold of private information about somebody when they want. Young people, regardless of their intelligence and awareness believe that if their accounts are private they are safe.

OP posts:
QueenAravisOfArchenland · 15/12/2017 09:20

Treat him as a stalker and dangerous unless proven otherwise.

Shut her social media down completely.

Speak to her close friends and tell them not to post photos of her online and not to give out information about her, no matter how innocent, to anyone. Speak to the office at her college and tell them the same.

Encourage her to vary her routine as much as possible - travel different routes to college and wherever she normally goes and try to vary the times a bit.

I'd probably get a new SIM and number for her phone, but keep the old one for the evidence - take police advice on this. And your daughter should warn anyone she gives the new number to not to give it out to ANYONE.

Original poster
nada2106 · 15/12/2017 09:28

Thank you Queen. Yes, we are changing her number and she is fully aware of all danger. Let's just hope she and all her friends learn a lesson or two from this.

OP posts:
happychange · 15/12/2017 09:37

Definitely keep social media posts to a minimum or better yet, don’t post anything!
Make sure all her friends know as well

This could very easily escalate, I speak from scary experience

64BooLane · 15/12/2017 09:41

Ugh, how horrible. I’m glad the police were helpful.

Tinty · 15/12/2017 09:42

OP please tell your daughter, to always give a false number, never give your number out to people you are trying to get away from.

Of course he could possibly get her number from someone else but she and all her friends should not give each others numbers to other people unless they have asked the person first.

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