Do I buy ds's dgf a Christmas present?

[NeverUseThisName]

His first girlfriend, and they've been going out for a couple of months. He's an intensely private person, and I don't want to embarrass him. Neither do I want him to feel what I felt from my mum. She did everything from genuine love and a desire to be friendly and welcoming, but I felt she pushed herself into my relationships and seemed to take over. Like my mum, I do want to be friendly and welcoming, but I do not want to be pushy or overwhelming.

So, should I get her a present?

Maybe a card with a Nandos voucher in?

How old are they?

Have you met her? Will you see her over the festive period? If answer to both of the above is no, I'd say not. Otherwise, maybe something really small.

Could you talk to your DS, saying what you've said here, and see what he says?

Basically, if your desire to welcome her outweighs his desire to keep things private, don't do it.

I'd get her something small. Perfume/chocolates or something.

How about you get them both cinema tickets or something so he will see it as a nice night with her?

I would get her something small.

Argh, I mean doesn't outweigh! Slow brain today. Basically, his desire for privacy trumps your desire to be welcoming.

Why not just ask him what he thinks in a "I thought I would get you two a nandos voucher or would you prefer somewhere else" sort of way.

I like the idea of cinema tickets. Ds is getting quite hard to buy for, so this kills two birds with one stone.

Such a lovely thought. Why don't you just ask your ds? If it was me I would probably say 'I would like to by dgf of yours a little Christmas present, how do you feel about that?' X

I agree on something they can do together like cinema so not too crazy but still thoughtful.

Oh fig I hope not. 16yo DD has a new beau. She earns so probably will get him something from her own wages.

Also - mention it to her (or to him) in advance. Even as a teenager I felt super awkward if a boyfriend's parent bought me something and I hadn't even thought of getting anything for them. She may buy you something, she may not, but at least she's forewarned!

A joint gift definitely is less pressured than something just for her.

Have you met her, and is she likely to be around over Christmas? I think if you won't see her to give it in person, and haven't really met her, I wouldn't.

How well do you know her?

DS1 has been with his girlfriend for around a year, we've bought her some nice hot chocolate and a Harry Potter mug. We see her every couple of weeks so doesn't feel odd to get her something small.

I gave DD and her Bf £50 to spend on their Christmas day out, they're going to see the new Star Wars film and then doing the Christmas markets.
She's 16, he's 17, been together 10 months, I know him well.

Nandos voucher will go down well with teens.

We've always bought for gfs.
If it's early days its been something small like a perfume they like or a Pandora charm or something that they collect. As they became long term gfs a more personalised present was appropriate.

We've got them a cinema voucher addressed to both of them.

I asked ds how he felt about us giving her a little present or them a joint present. He was completely taken aback - its not often I see ds lost for words! But he managed to say "Thank you very much. That would be really lovely." (And I had a glimpse of the delightful manners other people tell me he has. )

It's disconcerting when your babies turn into adults...but it's also delicious when you see the sort of adults they're turning into.

Awwww. That made me well up (I am soppy)

Xxx