Son is going to a friend's Bah Mitzvah. What should he do? What should he say?

[tigermoth]

I will ask the parents about dress code, but have no idea if ds should bring a present or anything else. The parents might be too polite to say if a present is the norm.

The boy having the bah mitzvah has been going to synagogue each week to study since he was about 7 years old, so I know the family will take this celebration very seriously. He is my son's oldest friend.

My son and I are attending the synagogue in the morning, then my son will stay on with the family and go for an evening meal with them.

I have never attended anything like this so cannot advise my son at all on etiquette dos and don'ts.

Any tips please?

no ideas sorry

Definitely certainly take a present - something grown-up and serious like you'd give for a confirmation or even an 18th - something of the fountain pen / cufflinks / writing case / jewellery box ilk.

Dress code will be wedding-type formal, so suit (or at least shirt) and tie for ds, suit or similar for you. Make sure your shoulders and your knees are covered and you don't flash too much cleavage - not sure re wearing trousers or covering arms any further, it'll depend on how orthodox the synagogue is. Get DS to ask his friend.
DS will need to cover his head in the synagogue - the steward on the door will probably offer him a kippah (skullcap thing). Some women may cover their heads but you're not Jewish so you don't need to.
You may or may not be able to sit together - some synagogues segregate men and women - take your cue from the steward and find one of his mate's mums to sit with.

Behave like you would in a church you don't know well, eg stand when everyone else stands and sit when they sit, read the order of service so you know what's going on but don't expect to be able to follow the Hebrew - no-one will mind.

It sounds really silly, but go to the children's section of the library and borrow some of those 'David Goes To Synagogue' 'Aaron's Bar Mitzvah' type picture books so you get a bit of an idea of what might happen.

oh, and the accepted thing to say is 'Congratulations' or 'Mazel tov!'

thanks Mrs Badger. That's really helpful. ds is used to going to church - sometimes does serving duties at our C of E church.

Yikes, don't know about the grown up ness of the present. Will try to get info or present list when I phone the host parents today.

I am panicing just a bit as it is for this saturday. I know I know I should have planned all this earlier, but there you go. I know ds has smart summer-ish clothes including a fine selection of his grandfather's ties. Phew about that at least.

oh, if you're ringing the host parents do ask about dress code for the synagogue as well.

Have just phoned and its's smart casual. Synagogue is quite a modern, relaxed one apparently. Host is providing skull caps. Have agreed we'll buy the bah mitzvah boy somee HMV vouchers. Job done, I hope. I am looking forward to it.

deffo brill

Have fun

Sounds like an interesting experience.
Have never been to a synagogue.
I've gone to a mosque though.