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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Mil negative towards teen DD

14 replies

JustHope · 12/11/2017 18:00

DD used to be the apple of her grandmas eye...until she became a teenager. MIL just cannot understand that DD is growing up and has her own opinions. She is critical of how she speaks, how she looks and just thinks that all teenagers are up to no good and says negative things to DD like all teens are ‘attention seeking self harmers’ and up to no good (big DM reader). I notice that DD now leaves the room after a short time with MIL. It it a bit much to expect MIL to be more understanding of teens as she raised some herself? Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
SuperPug · 12/11/2017 18:03

This makes me so sad re: your MIL's behaviour. I wish my grandmother had been around to see me and support me as a teenager. Not every grandparent gets this chance. I would talk to both of them before it gets even worse.

DullAndOld · 12/11/2017 18:05

quite honestly i would stop having her round, your dd doesnt need this shit in her life.
Its bad enough when u get this nonsense from strangers, let alone someone in your family.
Attention seeking self harmers indeed.
Silly old cow.

Allthebestnamesareused · 12/11/2017 18:09

She is an attention seeking DM reading pearl clutcher!

Ilovetolurk · 12/11/2017 18:54

My DM is like this with my DS. I leave them to it he is perfectly capable of defending himself. Good for your DD in leaving the room, it’s the perfect response

Mishappening · 12/11/2017 18:58

That is so sad - she is missing so much. I have teenage GC and they are exciting and interesting!

During an interview for a job with young people I was asked what I thought about having to deal with a group of teenagers. I replied it was a matter of attitude of mind - you either see them as a problem or as people at an exciting stage in their development into adults - I got the job!!

I feel sad for MIL that she is missing the opportunity to enjoy them.

TheQueenOfWands · 12/11/2017 19:03

Stop inviting her round. She's a bully.

I've been bullied in my own home (as an adult) and it's savage.

Put a stop to it now.

sooperdooper · 12/11/2017 19:04

What a shame your MIL is like this, I think your dd's response is fine tbh, she doesn't need to listen to things she doesn't want to do removing herself from the situation sounds a good idea

Does MIL realise she's doing it? Can you talk to her?

My MIL is awfully negative about my neice, she's a normal, intelligent slightly awkward 16 year old but she goes on & on about her not being confident! Like that will make she anything other than more self conscious - I don't know what gets into some GP :(

Original poster
JustHope · 12/11/2017 20:29

I’m not sure she realises that she’s doing it but also I’m not sure how to go about approaching her about it. She is a bit of a character and has a habit of make snap judgments about people and says exactly what she thinks which DD is used to. However comments about DDs physical appearance just get to me.

OP posts:
Angelicinnocent · 12/11/2017 21:32

DM is like this with my DD 15. If she says anything negative about her appearance I pull her about it immediately and not particularly politely. Anything else and DD generally blanks her, walks away or speaks her mind.

WeAllHaveWings · 12/11/2017 21:52

My gran did it to me, I’d walk into a room and she’d say to my dm “is she getting fatter”, I realised we had no positive emotional connection as adults so I stopped visiting her when I was 16.

Dm has started doing it to ds(13), talks about/criticises him in earshot, and I don’t make him visit or put up with it. It’s strange, because she never used to, she just seems to not realise how hurtful it is. Might be an age thing.

Original poster
JustHope · 13/11/2017 09:23

@WeAll I think it is an age thing, I find she has no filter and says the first thing that comes into her head. There have been a comments about her ‘getting a big bum’ when DD is actually very slim. It’s very strange as I know she loves her DGCs very much.

OP posts:
MoodyMumOfOne · 13/11/2017 14:55

As she is your MIL, I think your husband needs to speak to her in general about this, but you should definitely pull her up sharpish as soon as she says something stupid. This will also show your DD that you do not condone such behaviour.

WeAllHaveWings · 13/11/2017 16:49

Moody agree about pulling them up about it and showing them you’ll stand up for them, but by then the damage to teenage sensitivities is already done and it’s planted the seed that they are to thin, fat, tall, short, sticky out ears, big nose, horrible mole/mark, spotty, lanky hair, loud, quiet, mumble, or whatever else they have said. He doesn’t enjoy going and she has been told to be more aware, but nothing changes, so best all round if he doesn’t.

MoodyMumOfOne · 13/11/2017 20:43

I take your point wings and agree with what you say. Yes, definitely if things don't change after a serious talking to then I would agree that the teen should avoid contact.

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