Ds, weed & EA ex

[greenberet]

I need some perspective on this please - I have a long complicated divorce history with EA x that is still continuing post divorce with kids often used as pawns.

I discovered last weekend Ds is smoking weed -I'm not sure how long or how often but I suspect prob most weekends maybe since summer.

My DS has been through turmoil as a result of acrimonious divorce family home sold with moving next year - a year of being aware that he was going to leave his private school as x claimed he could no longer afford but at last minute I kept him there as he said he was having self harming thougts, he googled how to kill yourself at school which x thought was a prank -he has previously been referred to Camhs although refused to attend.

I informed x I had found Ds weed - he asked me how I had dealt with it. Due to his mostly undermining of me I said he could deal with it in his way.

Today Ds told me he took him to the Gp to have a chat about drugs. He has also told Ds he is making him speak to the headmaster next week.

Ds is currently crying - he has told me he will never see his DF again if he makes him do this.

I have messaged x but so far he is ignoring my emails. dS is sensitive he doesn't respond to heavy handed punishment - x used to threaten to throw his favourite toy out the window when he was a child.

My own MH has not been good recently due to the constant Emotional & financial abuse I am still under and this impacts on the kids.

Ds has recently taken to giving me some really big hugs. I know he is hurting deep down,

I spoke to my bro about this as I know he has smoked weed and he just said keep an eye on him. I told Ds I trust him - he knows the pitfalls but at the same time I am worried as I know this can be the start of something.

Just want to add I know some of his friends smoke he is at a private school & well educated. He does t particularly drink - again friends do and he behaved very responsibly a while back when they were all getting v drunk.

I am worried about him but I am more worried a heavy handed approach will push him further away

I'm not sure how much advice I can give, but I didn't want to read and run.

How old is your DS? I think your bro is right, keep an eye on him and maybe talk to him a bit and find out how much he understands about the risks and whatnot, especially for young people. That way you're opening conversation, but you're not pushing him away. My teenage brother has smoked weed for the last couple of years, mostly only at the weekend, he's still keeping up in school and with his social life. Like your DS, he tends to be pretty responsible with alcohol. While he's in control and it's not having a negative impact on his life, I think it's okay.

I think with regards to his DF, let your DS decide when he feels ready to see him again. It sounds like x is a difficult person to be around and it might help your DS to see him on his own terms.