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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD caught shoplifting

48 replies

Clovertoast · 12/10/2017 15:07

School just called me at work.
The store contacted them. They arent pressing charges but she is excluded from school for 2 days as she was in uniform and its tarnished the schools name. If any other incident she will be expelled.
Im gutted, tearful and don't know the way forward.

She's been nicking bits from me and her siblings for a few months now and also taking food, lots of food !
She's already had privlidges including her mobile removed from her because of that ! What do i do now ??
I'm so upset. I feel like i'm losing her.

OP posts:

LaughingElliot · 13/10/2017 09:41

terrible not terrific
obvs

Roomba · 13/10/2017 09:52

I also tried out shoplifting couple of times as a teenager. And funnily enough it was a Body Shop kiwi lip balm the first time!
In my case I was egged on to do it by a friend who I thought was really cool, though looking back in reality she had an awful home life and most of her family were convicted criminals.

I never got caught and stopped as I didn't see the point in taking the risk of being caught (and my super strict parents finding out).

TieGrr · 13/10/2017 10:03

Another shoplifter here. Poundshop lip balm was the first thing I took. I got caught after a few months. The store never rang my parents but the shock and fear of it was enough to stop me.

For me it was a way of rebelling against the need to always be the good girl who did well at school and behaved herself the whole time.

loveisasecondhandemotion · 13/10/2017 10:07

cowgirls haha it was around 1991/2

Ginorchoc · 13/10/2017 12:04

This'll end up in the Daily Fail all these confessions 😂 However OP if it's shaken her up chances are she won't do it again. Hopefully it's a wake up call for her.

CockacidalManiac · 13/10/2017 12:09

Yet another prolific teenage shoplifter here. It seems to be a common phase, I’d never steal anything now of course.

specialsubject · 14/10/2017 19:43

Sound like having the living shit scared out of her by a professional would be good - if the cops do this. The letter of apology is even better.

Also take stuff from her room and tell her you've sold it. Whether you actually do depends on whether the thieving stops.

Perhaps being on the receiving end will get through.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/10/2017 20:43

I stole an eyeliner from Woolies when I was a teenager . Never got caught but felt guilty as hell after and never used it as we didn't get pocket money and my mum would have wanted to know where it came from. It is a common teenage phase.

She needs to know how disappointed you are in her, she needs a bollocking/punishment, maybe the embarrassment of going back to the store (with her accomplice and mum) and apologise. Then move on, its not the end of the world.

BlueButTrue · 14/10/2017 22:23

Also take stuff from her room and tell her you've sold it. Whether you actually do depends on whether the thieving stops

Perhaps being on the receiving end will get through

Lol this will not work and may even cause things to escalate

1bluesky1 · 15/10/2017 00:30

I was also a bit of a prolific shoplifter, I think with allot of teens it's a stupid daring type of faze, I know it was for me. Here's my story...

It was mainly in my local Woolworth's (R.I.P), which was an easy target as it had little to no CCTV and most of the staff were in their late teens/early twenties and just stood around at the checkouts and unpacked boxes which were at the entrance to one side of the store, which meant free pickings down the back isles of the shop with no CCTV. Most of the stuff I stole was food and drink basically, not becuase I wanted to steal it but pretty much becuase me and my mates at the time just used it as a free pitstop when we were in town all day as kids, as cheeky as that sounds...

I started out around age 10 back in 2008 just taking handfuls of the pick & mix and the odd chocolate bar with school mates, then by 11 a year later I (and friends) moved on to the more bigger "risky" stuff, like putting 2 whole cans of coke in waist band, taking pairs of sunglasses off the rack and walking out, stealing packs of playing cards (didn't even need or use them!), I once stole a DVD, and that sort of thing... Then after about 12-18 months of this me and my mates just started taking the p*ss, like literally walking into Woolworth's with an empty back pack on, and just stealing ANYTHING that A. We could conceal and B. Wasn't alarm tagged.

After all of that between 2008-10 the want to go and shoplift stuff kind of wore off, a few of my mates I think got sussed by their parents so were too scared to do it much anymore, and my mates and I stopped hanging around with one older mate (who was about 14-15) who pretty much influenced us to shoplift.

Last time I went into a store intending to steal something was when I was 14, I went in all cocky becuase of my previous success in doing it, but ended up nearly actually getting caught!... It did s*it me up a bit afterwards and made me really think how petty it was and that my Mum had raised me better then that. (Sorry for the long post!)

crwox · 15/10/2017 01:26

It's a good thing she got caught, hopefully she will learn from her actions/mistake and it won't happen again.
I think you need to be there for her, overly punishing her may push her away.
Sometimes embarrassment and disappointment is enough.

caringdad66 · 20/10/2017 15:03

Same here!
My 14 yr old son was caught stealing chocolate bars from Asda.
No police, but they have banned him from the store.
He knows the difference between right and wrong, but obviously didn't care on this occasion.
Have sat him down and talked it over and he seems to regret it.
Think he was stealing chocolate to sell at school .
He's trying to fund a cigarette and cannabis habit, which is an altogether more worrying development.

Sundance2741 · 21/10/2017 08:28

My dd used to do this - she has ADHD so I think it was an impulse thing to start with. Only small items like a pack of chewing gum. This was pre teen. As a young teen she struggled with friendships so there was a bit of either stealing snacks to give to others or to impress them.

Advice we were given was to make her take things back to the owner. I found that too hard as I feared the shop might take action but I did sometimes make her go in the shop and surreptitiously put the object back on the shelf. But dd was appalled at the thought of facing anyone she'd stolen from so the threat of it did seem effective.

She's older now and doesn't do it as far as I know. Certainly never been caught anyway! (Only the local shop caught her at it when she was 12 and let my DH know.)

Maybe this exclusion will be all it needs or maybe there's a deeper- seated problem underlying it. Other people's experiences can't answer that for you. Have you tried being concerned and sympathetic (as well as pointing out why it's wrong)?

BTW I was far too terrified to steal as a teen. Oldest child syndrome maybe, as think my younger siblings did. But I used to dodge fares whenever I could as a young adult! Just liked getting away with it and saving the money!

newdaylight · 21/10/2017 08:33

I reckon letters of apology is a good idea, one to the store and one to the school

Neolara · 21/10/2017 08:33

In the 80's about pretty much every teenager shoplifted at least once. It didn't mean everyone was heading for a life of crime. It was more a kind of rite of passage. I suspect things haven't changed that much.

I'd bollocking your dd fiercely and then move on.

MSLehrerin · 21/10/2017 09:53

Secondary pastoral teacher here with nearly 25 years classroom experience.

Basically “all behaviour is communication” and she’s trying to tell you something. She (and you!) probably don’t know what that is though, and it’ll be hard working it out.

Does her School have a “campus cop”? Ours does and deals with situations like like, first restoratively and then with a more robust approach, if the restorative is unsuccessful.

Is she having problems at school? Mates? School Work? Everything ok at home? I’m not asking you to answer these questions on here 😃 and you’ve probably been going through it all anyway but just a few prompts etc.

Hope things improve soon.

Ktown · 21/10/2017 09:59

This should hopefully be the shock she needs to get her to stop.
It isn't great but it will teach her a lesson.

JustHope · 25/10/2017 08:56

I recently had a conversation with DD about this - she picked up an eye makeup tester brush from a pot in a store and said ‘oh I’m going to keep this - it’s free’. I probably went a bit overboard with the lecture on taking things, shoplifting and having a criminal record but hopefully she got the message

caringdad66 · 25/10/2017 10:00

Don't agree that ' pretty much 'every teenager was a shoplifter.

Massive generalisation.

disahsterdahling · 14/11/2017 20:10

I did it too. But in those days you didn't have CCTV or DBS checks . I used to do things like buy a tube of sweets and keep the receipt and then nick a tube after I'd eaten the first tube. And then if they'd said anything I had the receipt. That is almost worse as it was more devious.

But I didn't turn into a career criminal. Fortunately I had the sense to stop before I got caught. I don't even know why I did it, probably just because I didn't have that much money. But I got a Saturday job at 15, so at the very latest then, I would have stopped because I had some cash to spend.

Don't get panicky about it and watch out for any sanctimoniousness on here (though this is not AIBU so there may not be any). She needs to realise how serious it can be if it gets on her record, that's the approach I would take. If she has a conviction or caution for theft, it could close the door to quite a few careers.

And don't take her phone away etc. That won't help. Being caught is punishment enough, really.

winterstail · 14/11/2017 20:15

No wonder woolies closed down!

KERALA1 · 14/11/2017 20:17

I never did but kiwi fruit lip balm bringing back memories

Oblomov17 · 14/11/2017 20:18

I shoplifted as a teenager. Writing paper, to write to all my ‘pen-friends’, from Woolworths.

Food is one thing. If it’s regular that’s different.

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