Teenage dd sweating and school uniform

[thenewaveragebear1983]

I'd be interested in some advice on this. My teen dd (nearly 14) has a bit of an issue with body odour. Or rather, I have an issue with it because she doesn't seem to notice it. She wears a white shirt to school and a blazer, and after school they both absolutely reek of body odour. I have now just washed the blazer but I think the shirts will have to be binned as the smell is 'in the fabric' and I cannot get it out. As soon as her body heat warms the fabric this very strong smell permeates.

I have removed any polyester shirts from her wardrobe leaving only the 100% cotton, but her blazer is polyester and they have to wear them all the time. She also walks 40 minutes to school and back, wearing the blazer.

I really struggle to get her to shower regularly, she will not do it without being told (she has never in 14 years autonomously gone for a shower), but she does have one at least every other day. I always make sure she has deodorant on before she leaves for school, but it doesn't seem to help. She is at a new high school since September and I worry that other kids are going to say she smells.

Any advice for a) deodorants that might be more effective and help reduce the sweating and b) how to get the sweat smell out of the clothes?? Especially the blazer?

Believe I do help her as best as I can. I have left her to do it as otherwise she will never be able to, but I do comb it through regularly and help her to look after it. Up until July I combed it every day for her so it's fairly recent that she's been left to manage it herself. I will try the coconut oil, I have some anyway. Her female friends all say how beautiful her hair is and how they want curly hair- they are all poker straight blonde hair so yes I imagine she does feel 'different' , but most of her friends are boys so I can't imagine they really notice!

No I don't think you need to take her word for it at all tbh. She's 14,sounds like she need said boot up her arse.

**needs a boot up

Sounds like she needs help with her hair which is not unusual at all.

Have you tried spraying vodka on the blazer/shirt? I just buy cheap vodka, pop it into a spray bottle.

i think you need to be very frank with her before it gets noticed by fellow pupils which will be far worse. surely a daily shower should be your first insistence.

I agree she needs help with her hair- I do help her but perhaps she needs more help.
I agree she needs a firm word about it before someone else says it, but we honestly have talked about it. We talk about it regularly. Along with the state of her room etc, the fact that she will do things like sleep on the unmade bed if her quilt cover or sheet come loose for example. These are ongoing discussion in our house to the point that I am at my wits end sometimes because nothing seems to sink in.

I don't however agree that at (almost) 14 it is appropriate for me to insist she proves she has washed herself. How would I even do that? If she says she's washed then I have to believe her. I provide clean clothes. I provide washing facilities and products (although perhaps some of those have been wrong so will change those on the basis of this thread) - but I will not demand she proves it to me. To be honest, she doesn't lie and say she has anyway- she's far more likely to say 'I forgot' and shrug, than lie. I like the fact that she trusts me and we are close, I am never going to force her to do anything. Even wash- if she makes the choice to completely refrain from any personal hygiene whilst I find it odd, can I really force her to do it? I do everything I can- take the clothes away, wash them, put clean clothes back in her room etc. I am Not going to physically wash and dress her am I?? I will say go and have a wash or go and change your shirt before we watch tv together, and will ask in the morning if she has done X,y,Z but how can I do more than that?

I have always sweated at lot as I have a hormone imbalance. I cannot wear tops more than once. Even jumpers/hoodies I cannot wear more than once or twice. So I would guess her blazer needs to only be worn once or twice without washing if she’s wearing it all day.

When I wash ANY clothes that have been next to my armpits I have to spray them and leave for 10 mine before washing. I used to use vanish Oxy but now make my own stain removal spray with 1/3 washing up liquid and 2/3 hydrogen peroxide which is non toxic and cheaper!

I have tried many, many antiperspirants inc the high strength ones like Mitchum and by far the best for me is this one...

http://www.waitrose.com/shop/DisplayProductFlyout?productId=26541&source=sho&utmmsource=google%2Bshopping&utmmedium=organic%2Bgs&utmmcampaign=google%2Bshopping&gclid=Cj0KCQjw9uHOBRDtARIsALtCa96L4QAD6cSZWWnBj0DYSN6enzR-smDBguuiUEZzTJRciaLzEQsZQaAr4REALwwwcB&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CMvT8v_b3tYCFSSHUQoddD4L8A

It’s this one and this one only, not another from the same range!!! Odd but effective.

With all of the above, I get through the day without smelling.

Hopefully for your daughter it’s a temporary thing that will get better when she’s through puberty.

Good luck!

Thanks mini, do you think the hormone imbalance sort of reacts with certain fabrics? I don't use fabric softener but occasionally my mum will wash stuff if the kids are at hers and it seems that the smells react with each other. It makes this really strong chemically sweaty smell.

Would hydrogen peroxide bleach the colour?

I wash underarms with a flannel and a bar of soap inbetween shower days. A lot less faff and sometimes more effective.

You are right, you need to pick your battles and I totally understand your desire to maintain the positive relationship with your dd.
I wonder if you might ask her what you can do to help? Tell her why you are bothered, she might not get that you are worried she might be teased.

Thanks Hugo. She knows why I'm bothered but she just doesn't actually 'action' the thoughts if that makes sense?! I guess my OP was really just me asking what I can do to limit the impact of it because she herself isn't really making any real effort to do anything. It's frustrating! I really appreciate everyone's feedback though.

I'm going to try the dove cream mentioned up thread, and also the vinegar and other things in the wash to hopefully eradicate it. It is definitely made worse by the combination of body heat+ existing smell+ blazer.

Hi, my daughter also has had troubles with this when she was around 13/14 - it is the hormones!
She now uses 'Sure Women Invisible Aqua Anti-perspirant' which seems to help a lot!
I would also say she bring the deodorant and possibly a body spray - for example, a victoria secret one. Then tell her to use it every time she has a break in school.
I'm sorry I don't have a lot of tips but I hope these somewhat help

Thanks Susan, yes I'm pretty sure it's puberty related. Did your dd grow out of it or does she still have it?

Can you not tell her that she has the choice to shower before school or before bed but she must do it daily? Ime you it doesn't matter how often you have big discussions about things like this it goes in one ear and out the other so you need to repeat it daily until it becomes habit. It's boring but needs to be done. I was teased at school- nylon dresses and a mother who didn't believe in deodorant wasn't a good combination. It's far better it comes from you than her peers.

Any soap that's not a beauty soap eg Dove.

Dame yes I can. There's various factors though that affect this, and it's not all her fault although she never ever does it without being asked. Not once in nearly 14 years has she ever said 'I need a shower' or 'I'm going to have a shower'. We don't have an electric shower so we need to remember to put the water on, we have 2 little ones who get disturbed by the shower/ water heater in the evenings. She should have a shower every morning yes, I'm going to plan to enforce this from this week. But on the days she does shower, she does still get the smell. I do believe that it's partly from the lingering smell in her clothes (which was my OP!) and partly due to not having the right deodorant/ products which I'm also going to remedy this week by getting one of the antiperspirant that's been recommended on here.

It's a whole other thread, but honestly, I'm exhausted by having to constantly tell a nearly 14 year old things which I believe to be basic fundamental behaviours. Things I have shown her every day of her life- I used to do them for her as a baby, help her with them as a toddler/child, and now as a young woman I think she should be responsible for them herself. Wash, brush your teeth, put your dirty clothes to be washed, brush your hair, move any food waste from your room, don't put food or 'body' waste in your bedroom bin, empty your old food from your school bag etc etc. I've emptied the bin today in her room and it's full, literally full, of all her sandwiches from school from probably weeks. She's at her dads so I haven't said anything to her yet, but I'm at my wits end about this. I speak to her about it, she assures me it won't happen, and then she continually does it. I'm sorry to rant, but I could cry with frustration over this because I cannot seem to get through to her about basic standards of hygiene and general acceptable cleanliness. I don't know what I could punish her with that would make her change because it's not like it's bad behaviour as such, it's just that she actually doesn't see or care that this is disgusting and unhygienic. And if I tell her it's disgusting and unhygienic, will she be scarred forever about the mother who told her she was disgusting? What will that do to her self esteem? I'm at a total loss.

Thanks everyone for your comments on this thread, I really appreciate it, and I have taken all your comments on board

I think it's a bit of a shock when some teens revert back to behaving like toddlers ,but it's really common even if they've been brought up to shower every day. Ime of my own son and friend's kids 14 is the worst age for this and they need a LOT of reminding every single bloody day. it's exhausting but it does finally sink in. I'm pretty sure at 14 ds hadn't ever just gone off for a shower without being prodded.

It's fine to say "it's disgusting not to shower ,I've put the water on for you now up you go"

"You are disgusting" is awful.

I use Mitchum spray. It's the only thing that seems to work for me.

Second white vinegar in wash and also try soda crystals.

It’s basic self respect and although it might be exhausting it is actually highly anti social to smell bad every day when you’re at school. Someone will have to sit right next to her. It’s not fair on them.

Keep trying hard with her. Get her in the shower every single morning.

I had a mum of a 14 year old boy who rang me (I was his head of year at the time) and asked me to tell him to wash. I did and seemingly there wasn’t a problem after that because he was so embarrassed.

Tesco’s own Laundry Cleanser (like the Dettol one) is good. I use that or white vinegar in the rinse aid bit of the washing machine for sports kit and nothing smells anymore.

Triple Dry is great - apply every night.

If she’s really sweaty, she’ll become aware of it soon enough. Take her to the GP as soon as she is because there are things they can do. Had hyperthyroidism as a teen and it made me sweatier than I should have been and wish wish wish my mum had done more to help me. Now I have drugs!

use white vinegar in the rinse section of the washing machine for the blazer and the shirts. Don't worry the clothes wont smell of vinegar!

Mitcham deodorant is the best but she will have to shower daily - as others have said - non-negotiable

Sorry, that might have come across as quite judgemental and I didn’t mean it to be. It sounds like you are doing all you can and she is just not particularly bothered. I just meant that if it DOES start to bother her, there is so much out there to help.

OP I have a 12.5 year old very reluctant showerer her arm pits stink from a distance it's awful. I am fed up nagging her re deodorant hygeine and showering. She couldn't give a monkeys says I am always being nasty to her and she couldn't care less. DS is a year older and he very rarely smells.