Feeling concerned about my 15 year old daughter's emotions

Original poster

Lilah2002 · 03/10/2017 18:36

Hi,

Recently my daughter has been experiencing feelings of overwelming worry. She is ordinarily very balanced and has no particular issues that are concerning her. She is very bright and wants to do well but is not particularly worried about school. She is generally very happy and calm. At their worse, her feelings of worry have caused her to lose her appetite and on two occasions caused her to be sick. Her periods have become more symptomatic but she can't link these outbursts to anything in particular. She does overthink and question a lot which seems to make sense as a starting point. She is being very honest, I just don't know what to do. She seems confused about what she is experiencing because she is struggling to explain how she feels as these symptoms are so alien to her and are without any particular cause. Could be linked to her menstrsl cycle or just general, normal, growing up anxieties. I want to be able to help and support her before it becomes a worse issue.
Anybody else experiencing anything similar??
Thanks for reading

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MarmaladeAtkinsX · 03/10/2017 18:45

Sounds like she's had panic attacks - they can make you sick.

It's a tough age, hormones are flying around and will make her lose balance and then there's her periods, school stress and everything else. I'm not surprised she can't work out what's stressing her or articulate it.

You seem to be really supportive which is lovely. Ask her to think about if she was thinking about anything in particular or anything was playing on her mind when she was feeling sick or lost her appetite - she might be able I narrow it down.

Some of the period trackers let you add notes, emotional and physical feelings through out your cycle, it might be any easy way to see if there are any trends, and maybe do some yoga or breathing with her to help her find control and balance her thoughts and feelings.

Original poster

Lilah2002 · 03/10/2017 19:16

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I really appreciated it. Yes, some form of mild anxiety attack seems most likely and it makes sense that she can't pinpoint anything in particular. I do feel hormones are playing a key role as well as generalised, underlying school anxiety. I guess I just need to keep supporting her and listening.

Any other, similar experiences from anyone?

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Rainybo · 03/10/2017 19:43

It does sound like anxiety, which doesn’t necessarily mean as a diagnosis but certainly an experience for her. You do sound very supportive, which is fantastic and will help - her just being able to tell you about these feelings without judgement is helpful.

There has recently been some great books out for young people on mental health that might help her - try googling ‘shelf help’ and ‘reading well’.

It is also worth her tracking her periods as PP said - my 12 yo uses the clue app and find it really easy.

forcryinoutloud · 03/10/2017 22:31

Hi Lilah, my daughter was quite like this around the time her periods started (age 12) and were still all over the place so I put a definite link there with her. She used to worry and be anxious quite a lot of the time and became particularly fixated on her height and becoming too tall, even though she wasn't particularly tall. things had settled down a lot by the time she was 14 and the periods were more even.If your daughter is showing other symptoms more then perhaps this could be something to do with that? If you feel there is a link perhaps it's worth a visit to the doctor to see what can be advised. Does she generally eat and sleep well?

What sort of things is she worrying about? Is it things on the news or more at school and personal stuff. Worry is a pain as it can do more harm than good if we over worry rather than sorting things out where we are able. As the saying goes 'there is no point in worrying about the things you have no control over' this can sound a bit glib but it does make a lot of sense. With this in mind try to help her make sense of the areas of life where she does have control eg. is she tired each day? Perhaps go to bed a bit earlier..etc. I know there are some useful books out there about worrying (sorry have no specific titles to hand) so perhaps do a little search and see what's available? And would it help if she wrote down her worries? I do feel for you, it's awful seeing our DCs stressed, good luck with it.

Original poster

Lilah2002 · 03/10/2017 22:50

Thank you, she's had s bad day today and been sick again but thank goodness she is telling me and not getting particularly anxious about that! I think it is her sub-conscious mind at work and hormonal surges which is why she is unable to articulate herself and causes her to worry more. You are right, she is normally so in control of her emotions so it is about helping her to understand that it's normal to feel anxious and a little out of control sometimes and think about what makes her feel happy and in control. She is writing things down.

I hope your daughter is feeling better about life as she grows up. Such wonderfully supportive mum's on here! 😊

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Sandycarrots · 04/10/2017 18:08

Hello Lilah sorry you and your daughter are going through this .

My daughter went through something similar (albeit less severe and related to slightly different things) a couple of years back, and has now fully recovered (aged 14 yrs) although we are obviously on the alert in case it should happen again.

It was when she was 12/13 yrs old and she got very anxious about travelling on the tube (we had had incidents of terrorism where we live and school had been evacuated on one occasion) about academic study (we live abroad with pretty pressured/brutal/rigorous state school system) and taking exams. She exhibited various stress symptoms such as agitation, not sleeping, worrying, being very cross and irritable and crying. At the same time she started her periods and one of her classmates suffered a sudden fatal accident. All in all, a very bad, stressful time.

We approached it by first going to gp to get blood tests, to rule out anything physical. As your dd is actually physically being sick which is quite severe and must be awful for her, I think it is worth ruling out any physical symptoms first.

Also, is she eating well otherwise? (Not suggesting this is the case, but I would be alert to possibility of fledgling eating disorder.)

When the blood tests came back ok save for a bit of anaemia and vit D deficiency, the doc recommended a licensed, clinical education psychologist. DD went to see her for eight sessions and that was all that was required to sort things out. Tbh, although the therapist was good, I don't think it was actually the therapy alone that helped the most. I think it was the fact that (a) dd felt listened to (b) she got a bit of time out from school, (they gave her permission to miss sport for eight weeks) (c) everyone constantly told her that it was totally normal to feel this way occasionally, that anxiety is very common, that she wasn't going mad and that she wasn't abnormal in any way and she had done the right thing to tell us she was worried (because I think all the stress had built up in her head somehow and she was in fact more stressed about being abnormal than about the actual stress ifyswim).

I do think your instincts are right to act on this quickly and nip it in the bud as soon as possible, as stress and anxiety can spiral quickly out of control. I thoroughly recommend seeing a therapist privately if you can.

Have you looked at the the Young Minds website ? That might be a starting point although I am not familiar with UK adolescent mh provision.

In summary, I would definitely seek help for your daughter asap. Sometimes, we all need a bit of outside support! Good luck!

MarmaladeAtkinsX · 11/10/2017 23:54

Hi @lilah2002 I just wondered how your DD is getting on? I hope she's feeling a lot better.

Original poster

Lilah2002 · 12/10/2017 07:04

Yes she is much better this week thank you! Talking it through and developing some coping strategies and the realisation that it is normal have eased it and taken the scariness out of it.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and I hope you are doing well too

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Mary21 · 12/10/2017 08:17

Look up 7 / 11 breathing may help, not a solution but may help

MarmaladeAtkinsX · 12/10/2017 10:24

Oh good! TBH if she can conquer this now she'll be in a much stronger position than many of her peers when she gets to uni and first jobs etc.

I hope she goes from strength to strength

Original poster

Lilah2002 · 12/10/2017 11:19

Thank you, breathing is so beneficial 😊

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