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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD14 is a bit of a social hermit - like Saffron in AbFab

20 replies

paganmolloy · 16/09/2017 09:36

I should be grateful she's so diligent on her schoolwork but for about the last couple of years she has just whittled down her social life to almost nil. Almost like she uses schoolwork as an excuse for not socialising. She's just had her birthday, went out for a pizza with 3 pals, had a lovely time but that'll be it for weeks. I try to encourage her just to get out a bit more, doesn't have to be extreme sporty stuff but just out. She won't even make the effort to go into town to buy new clothes, preferring to just veg out. If she's not studying she's watching dvds or reading books. I worry that she's just being anti social.

OP posts:

MollyHuaCha · 16/09/2017 10:09

Your post reminded me of my own childhood and teen years. My parents thought socializing with friends any more than three times a year was extravagant. Poor kids, they can't win. Unless she's unhappy, I'd leave her alone.,

dementedpixie · 16/09/2017 10:10

My dd is the same but doesnt seem unhappy about it

Fauchelevent · 16/09/2017 10:11

If she's happy leave her. Being forces to socialise made me very unhappy.

abbsisspartacus · 16/09/2017 10:12

My daughter is like this too 17 years old and goes Pokemon hunting occasionally but nothing more

MsAwesomeDragon · 16/09/2017 10:12

My dd is the same. It's who she is, don't try to change her, if she wants to be more social then she will, if not then you going on about it will just annoy her.

Weloveoptimus · 16/09/2017 10:14

I'm still like this!
The advantage of being older is that I now have the confidence to say no thank you if I don't fancy going somewhere.

JakeBallardswife · 16/09/2017 10:16

DS is the same, think he'd like to go out more but doesn't contact or ask friends to do so. However he seems happy enough.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 16/09/2017 10:16

Could be worse, I actually looked like Saffy as a teen

lljkk · 16/09/2017 10:18

My parents despaired of me being antisocial. They tiraded at me about it which did my self-esteem a lot of harm. Let her be.

Singap0reSling · 16/09/2017 10:23

You could be describing my 14 yr old DD... sorry, no help. I'm going with the "if she's happy, it's all ok" line too.

Ohyesiam · 16/09/2017 10:23

Is she unhappy? If not, let her be.

Somerville · 16/09/2017 10:27

There's a massive difference between anti-social (smelling bad from not showering, being rude to people who talk to her) and just a bit unsociable. Sounds to me like just the latter? Not everyone is a social butterfly and that's okay.

If she's an introvert then the long hours at school can really take a lot out of one. I didn't socialise much as a teen - and it meant I got my head down and worked hard so got to socialise, when I was ready, at university on a course I loved!

I wouldn't worry.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 16/09/2017 10:52

That was me at school. I found the social side of things rather tedious as a teenager and much preferred to read or study. I socialised a bit more during A levels and at university, but I think it's just the way some people are made. If she's happy, leave her to it. Forced socialising is horrific

Original poster

paganmolloy · 16/09/2017 11:20

Thanks folks - she isn't unhappy - I just needed the reassurance.

OP posts:

Opheliasgoldenwine · 16/09/2017 13:10

Sounds like you're Edina in this

On a serious note, it's nothing to worry about, honestly

Original poster

paganmolloy · 16/09/2017 13:13

I probably am

OP posts:

noitsnotteatimeyet · 16/09/2017 14:32

Dd(14) very rarely socialises - she doesn't enjoy teen parties as she's quite reserved and shy. She will sometimes go out with her closest friends - things like ice skating, swimming, cinema, Westfield etc but that's probably only once a month if that. She does however spend any spare moment she has at the stables and has a different group of friends there and she'd rather be riding than doing any amount of socialising

SoPassRemarkable · 16/09/2017 14:43

Mine was until she started sixth form. She would go for months without meeting up with anyone. Now she's out every week.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 16/09/2017 16:40

My DS is 19 and the same. Seems to be a social anxiety type thing. Thought things were getting "better" a few months back when he went out a couple of times but back to staying in his room all the time. He doesn't like drinking so has no appetite for parties/clubs etc. Has a job and college but other than that just does nothing. He's a lovely lad (although a bit lazy) but I worry he will end up friendless and unhappy. But what do you do?

JustDanceAddict · 17/09/2017 08:16

Sounds like my DD(15),although when she does go out she enjoys herself. She's incredibly selective about what she does though, socially and who she does it with.
She went out for a good friend's bday yesterday and had an amazing time, but last weekend she didn't leave the house.
I'm the opposite to her and I massively crave social contact and probably am not selective enough, so it's tough for me to understand.

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