Hosting a teen party

[rainbowjoy]

Looking for advice really my ds 16 has asked to have a 17th party at home. He's a lovely young man not the most confident with a small set of friends but definitely not in the party popular crowd. I think he wants to be hence asking for a party himself.
We have said yes but there needs to be rules. We don't live in a big house have neighbours who need consideration etc etc. His 6th form attached to his previous school is about 30 minutes drive away so friends could up to an hours drive from us. Bit worried that as we live a distance away people's won't come and this would really dent his confidence
We have a big deck area and could put up a very small marquee/tent. Was thinking about 30 for numbers ds thinks that's too small a number obviously.
Do we need to provide food? Or stay around I don't want his party to be lame but am concerned.
Any helpful hints or tips please.

Very basic food OP...crisps, dips...nothing too fancy.

He'll need a decent sound system set up with good speakers....and at this age they do like loud music so beware the neighbours!

If it were me, I'd tell my own DD that I'd make myself scarce but that I'd be back at midnight and want everyone to leave then.

Would he consider a first dinner party? My friends and I did that at a similar age and felt both cool and grown up. Would work with a smaller set of friends too.

I would never leave them alone, but would stay in my room and keep a discreet eye on things.

We live far from our kids' school (middle of nowhere) so we have always let people sleep over, if they want to. I realise that lots of parents are not up for this, but I was happy to provide floor space (I leave a pile of old futons, blankets, rugs, etc, but nothing fancy).

I think it is important to provide plentiful snacks, even if they say they don't want them.

I make them turn off the music at 11:30 or 12, and I make them tell the neighbours about the upcoming party, (and when the music will go off).

Things which made our parties cool: fairy lights in the garden, a fire bowl in the garden (marshmallows to cook), I provided beer and white wine punch (very very little alcohol in it).

My neighbours' teens all have summer birthdays. They always have a weekend afternoon party for them with their friends (maybe 10). BBQ, drinks, music at at reasonable level, always finished by late dinner time. I am guessing that they go out after. Maybe an inspiration?

"Things which made our parties cool: fairy lights in the garden, a fire bowl in the garden (marshmallows to cook), I provided beer and white wine punch (very very little alcohol in it)"
^
sounds good

I would go out for a meal and be back for 11ish to check all ok and then make myself discreet. 12ish would be a reasonable time to finish but 17 yr olds would probably think not.

What are your neighbours like, do you get on well with them? Worth having a word to warn them.

Thanks many a good suggestion definitely provide snacks, will go out but back to wrap party up by 12. Neighbours will be ok as a one off and will warn them.

DD (14) had a party in May this year. We did go out and then took refuge at the neighbours. It was universally declared "sick" and she was very proud! For that age, the things that worked:

• 21 year old cousin and best friend "supervising" plus neighbour's kids spying
• Big speaker for music borrowed from friend, otherwise it's too quiet
• gazebo in the garden with fairy lights leading from the back door. This created a feeling of 3 spaces
• laser light thing from Argos (£50!) which was brilliant
• Friday night and finished by 11pm, not sure you could do this with 16 year olds

What didn't work:

• we didn't provide alcohol and I was mystified that they hadn't asked. Little sods clubbed together and bought a few bottles of vodka. At least I wasn't responsible
• we provided piles of chicken McNuggets but they were not worth getting and ended up all over the place. Crisps and sweets are enough
• Luckily no-one was sick, sobbing or having sex, all of which I raised beforehand with DD and I said I was worried about overcrowding and word getting out but it didn't. She told me 25 and it was nearer 50!

I think we were quite lucky that it went so well and no problems. I said to DH the next day that, now we've done it we can forget about doing it again for a long time. Except DD started asking 2 days later for another as it was legendary!!

Things my parents might recommend after the debacle that was my 15th birthday party:

1. Put away safely more valuables/breakables than you would think necessary
2. Remove matches/candles etc
3. Take any vehicle keys with you
4. Lock up your own alcohol especially any vintage wine you don't want stolen
5. Invitation only and no photocopied invitations or entry to extras

But your son does sound sensible. Funnily enough I was too.

Oh yes, we completely cleared all ornaments, TV, knives and scissors (you never know), matches, candles, pictures, cushions, alcohol obvs, grandma's clock etc etc. It helped that our furniture is on its last legs and we've got wooden floor downstairs, although it's best to leave rugs for noise. It was bloody hard work but was a great success. Not in a hurry to repeat though!!

We did this for our recently turned 16 year old. It went much more smoothly than I expected. We hired a bouncy castle assault course, had tents for those that stayed over and I provided just simple nibbles but they did appreciate the pizza slices and nuggets. Some of the sixth formers came too and there was a little bit of alcohol brought but they were all really respectful and well behaved and if finished at midnight. We stayed in the house throughout the evening as they had the garden, garage and marquee to roam around in (oh and we hired a portaloo so they didn't need to keep coming in and out in troops or disturb the younger ones)!

Ask that they all turn off the new(ish) function on Snapchat where everyone can see where they are. Otherwise you'll get gate-crashers (DD unfortunately had a party just after the new function appeared and there were loads of gate-crashers). Also be aware that you could potentially get in trouble from the police if you have allowed them to have any alcohol there.