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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Daughter sleepover with possible alcohol

16 replies

Confusedandfrightened · 13/09/2017 14:09

Advice please! Single mum of 15 1/2yr old DD, who has been invited to a sleepover 35miles from home for two nights. It's a group of Charity health volunteers who had their official plans cancelled and are a mix of ages 15-18. Alcohol is allowed if they bring their own and DD really wants to go. She hasn't been to any parties with or without alcohol with friends as yet just day time cinema and shopping etc. I've read on here for previous threads and the general opinion was that if alcohol is banned from mid teenage that people have rebelled. I've therefore suggested she go and take two bottles (small!) of fruity cider for her to have if she wants but that she doesn't know her limits yet so not to try anything else that someone else may take. She only knows these people from a yearly camp but they all stay in contact throughout the year. I don't know any of them personally as they aren't local and also don't know the parent(s) that is allowing them to stay over for 2 nights in their home.
Am I crazy to let her go? I really don't want to be the ogre but equally have concerns as it's the first time she's come across anything like this?

OP posts:

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 13/09/2017 14:13

Let her go, I would have gone at her age and taken a few bottles and I turned out alright. If its a two night thing expect for her to ask for a lift home after the first night though, she may get fed up or they might all burn themselves out.

TwitterQueen1 · 13/09/2017 14:16

She's 15 and a half. Of course you should let her go. She's going to have too much to drink at some point in her life and this is a normal part of growing up. It might not happen at this party anyway.

Ohyesiam · 13/09/2017 14:35

Talk to her about paving her drinks with soft drinks between, and about keeping herself safe and it of dodgy situations.
I'd be worried about her being pressured into things she is not comfortable with, so lots of talk about How to say no and save face. But I think I'm quite neurotic about things like that.

Original poster

Confusedandfrightened · 13/09/2017 22:54

Well I'm surprised by the support for a 15 yr old drinking tbh, especially given the other thread on here about 16 yr old party and NOT having alcohol?
I'm sending her with none as in my opinion 15 is too young. I thought I was being too strict and thank you for your replies but gut instinct has overruled tonight

OP posts:

FanDabbyFloozy · 13/09/2017 23:00

I would not let her go.You don't know the teens or the parents, there will be alcohol, 2 nights, she barely knows them etc.
Let her have a beer in your house if you feel inclined but this is too much freedom at once.

NC4now · 13/09/2017 23:07

It's a long way away. I might let her if it was just round the corner but I'd be uncomfortable with this one, I think.

YogiYoni · 13/09/2017 23:09

Op: AIBU?
Everyone: no. That's fine
Op: Ugh. You're all so unreasonable
Everyone: eh?

LovingLola · 13/09/2017 23:14

Shes 15 and a half. You should keep her at home. Not let her to a 2 night sleep over 35 miles away with people you have never met.

goodeggsarehardtocatch · 13/09/2017 23:20

I'd say no, too far with strangers of a mix of ages and sexes with alcohol seems like a receipt for disaster to me

kitnkaboodle · 14/09/2017 09:31

Definite no from me. Am I alone in thinking that having too much to drink at 15 ISN'T normal?? Don't bow to peer pressure if you aren't comfortable with it

kitnkaboodle · 14/09/2017 09:32

BTW - you say 'alcohol is allowed' - who by??

Original poster

Confusedandfrightened · 14/09/2017 18:41

YogiYoni - I didn't say he answers were unreasonable it's part of a thought process is it not, to be able to change ones mind? I'm a single mum and haven't done this before so apologies if I read up a bit more and looked at things diffferently.

Thanks to everyone else for the reassurance. I've since spoken to the parents and they are strict about no alcohol (turns out just a couple of lads say they may take a can or two) the girls don't drink and it's more of a sleepover. I feel better for talking to her and am letting her go. Still a huge deal for me but think it's the right thing to do now.

OP posts:

corythatwas · 14/09/2017 21:38

I'm usually all for freedom but there are a couple of aspects that make me think this isn't really the ideal setting for your first confrontation with alcohol.

The distance is the first: it's a long way to call you if she feels the party is getting out of hand, either because she has had too much to drink or because the others have.

The two nights is another one. I think it's safer to have your first few parties as evening parties anyway, and two nights away is a long time if you feel under pressure to behave in ways you shouldn't or just feel uncomfortable.

Whisky2014 · 14/09/2017 21:40

I would let her go

Whisky2014 · 14/09/2017 21:40

Actually 2 nights is a long time. Let her go for one?

Original poster

Confusedandfrightened · 16/09/2017 13:59

It turned out to be a sleepover with seven of them, some took alcohol others didn't. The ones that did drank a small bottle each over the evening. I thought it was a party but ended up being a sleepover with cinema visit thanks to everyone for their thoughts. I know now mothers instinct is always right!

OP posts:

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