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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

18 year old special needs girl

15 replies

juicy8667 · 13/09/2017 13:14

My daughter has learning disabilities and she has just turned 18, the other night she went to a friends house and his mam gave her 3 cans of lager also vodka/monster, we very rarely drink so she came back drunk they just put her in a taxi gave her the money and sent her home, I am wondering if anyone know rules about special needs adults having drink bought and given like that.

OP posts:
Sarah310 · 13/09/2017 19:01

I would of flipped, my son has LD and as people in general they are more vulnerable as regards personal safety, the friends mum may of thought she was just treating her like a typical 18 year old and if so would still need to be advised it's not okay but it's very foolish and naive, and putting her in a taxi drunk, LD or not, was putting her at risk of potential harm.

Original poster
juicy8667 · 14/09/2017 05:28

The friends mother knows that she has special needs and still did it also trying to fill her head with her own morals which is a lot lower than mine I am still angry over it.

OP posts:
imip · 14/09/2017 06:10

I think there is a serrated section forSN teenagers here - there is definitely SN chat, where you may get some more suggestions.

I'd be horrified though, your dd is vulnerable enough without being plied with alcohol!

Paperdolly · 14/09/2017 06:20

I'd be having strong words with this 'man'.

newdaylight · 14/09/2017 06:22

You asked about the rules. The rules are she's 18 and she can drink alcohol if she wants, and people can buy her alcohol of they want.

As an adult she would be able to make get own choices about things like alcohol, sex, etc. That doesn't change if someone has additional needs but it does mean there are a lot more risks to it.

In this case it sounds like a responsible situation, there were older people there and they made sure she had a lift to get home. Better than her drinking somewhere you don't know. She's 18 so it's hardly like she's got to ask for your permission to drink or like you have the right to not allow her to go out if you think she might have a drink, so it's good that she has a drink in a safe supervised setting.

I've worked in advocacy for people with sn, thus my blunt stance.

Sarah310 · 14/09/2017 07:07

Putting a drunk girl in a taxi is not the same as a friend giving her a lift. If it feels wrong to you then it is, your her mum and with or without LD you have to protect your children. Wether 8 or 18. If your daughter is telling you things her friends mum is trying to influence on her that you don't agree with, you should follow your instinct and remove her from this or any other situations whereby her safety could be compromised. Wether she has capacity for informed consent to drink or not she was still at risk being sent home drunk.

Qvar · 14/09/2017 07:16

I get that you are not happy, but she is not a child. She is an adult. I say this as a parent of a SEN teen myself - sometimes they just have to do what their peers are doing and we have to let them. She's 18, she may well not act 18, but she IS 18 and with that comes a lot of rights to autonomy that she didn't used to have. She can drink, smoke, choose a sex partner and have sex. You are limited in what you can do about this.

SkintAsASkintThing · 14/09/2017 07:17

My dd has sn and the rules in her residential placement are 2 glasses of something like prosseco, or 2 bottles of a lower, alcohol drink such as WKD OR 1, higher strength drink ie vodka, whiskey etc.

I think it's a good rule to have taking in mind their vulnerability but still giving them a choice. Id be fuming if someone did the above to my dd, in fact id be ringing 101 for advice !!

Rhubarbz · 14/09/2017 07:20

She is classed as a vulnerable adult.

Rhubarbz · 14/09/2017 07:22

It's a fuzzy area I think. Does she have mental capacity to make her own decisions?

newdaylight · 14/09/2017 07:45

Yes she does. Someone can't just be assessed as lacking capacity to "make decisions", that's not lawful. It has to be far more specific than that (decision and moment specific)

Original poster
juicy8667 · 14/09/2017 15:50

I have spoken to her social worker today and explained everything that happened and she advised if it happens again to contact her and she is gonna contact the area sn pollice officer, because at the end of the day all I want is for my daughter to live her life but be safe which she isn't capable at the moment.

OP posts:
SDaddy007 · 14/09/2017 15:53

I bet she had a great time, was she worse for wear the next day?

Sarah310 · 15/09/2017 11:01

Good for you juicy, your obviously a caring mum. That's all any parent wants at the end of the day, for your children to be happy, as independent as poss but safe.

Original poster
juicy8667 · 15/09/2017 16:27

SDaddy007 No she didnt she was fine just aswell cos she was at college the next day

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