13 year old has been having a screaming tantrum for 5 hours

[TallulahTwin]

She's been getting more and more rude and full of terrible attitude lately, speaking to DH, me and her siblings like dirt.

This morning was the final straw and DH took her phone off her until she can speak to us decently.

She is now having a screaming tantrum in her room, it's been going on, on and off, for 5 hours. She is also shouting horrible stuff at DH and I.

I'm at my wits end

I second the bucket of water - and not just as a threat!

Did it stop?

I feel your pain. It's just awful isn't it? You are of course doing the right thing and can re-inforce that when she's calmer.

Allthewittynamesaregone your post was like a breath of fresh air please tell me some more!! My DS is 13 and it has been a v tough 12 months, I really need to hear there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I always thought 14/15 would be hard and never expected it to start at 13

Sorry 12 not 13!

Go out.

DD did the same yesterday. Must be a first week back at school thing.

Luckily now they are 13 you can leave the house until they calm down. When they were 2 you had to go round the house trying to escape from them as they clung howling to your leg. I am holding on to that thought ....

I don't remember being like this at this age they are an entitled generation who consider their way us the only way 🙄

I remember raging at that age and I'm 47. It wasn't over a phone obviously. I wasn't 'entitled' I was unhappy looking back.

PP said she's not a toddler and should know how to behave better but I've found that the teenage years were very much like the toddler years.
They are both going through a big change (baby->child; child->adult) - desperate to be independent but not yet able to cope. This is bound to let loose a lot of emotion and frustration.

And there's so much pressure on teenagers from school, friends, society...then add in a big dose of hormones.

Obviously, there were/are sanctions for bad behaviour but it helped me be less stressed if, at least internally, I viewed it in as a good thing in some ways as I ultimately I want them to grow up to be independent and confident to express their emotions.

You have my sympathy - I've got one largely out the other side; one still in it and one yet to come - this too shall pass.

PP said she's not a toddler and should know how to behave better but I've found that the teenage years were very much like the toddler years

Yes,yes,yes with bells on!

I was an awful 13 yo. My mum said it was the worst year for behaviour issues with me and after a year I turned into a 'nice' teenager (if there is such a thing?😂)

She was a single mum so it often came to massive arguments between us both.
She just left me to it when I was having a scream or being exceptionally difficult.
We had a really awful relationship back then but she's my best friend now and has been since I was 17/18.

I say ignore her and don't give in

DD has been like this, she's nearly 15 now. When I confiscated her laptop once her meltdown was so extreme she was screaming, hyperventilating, hitting things. It was awful, really stressful. I really feel for you OP.

I would say be strong, she needs the boundaries. I know how hard it is though. DD had a meltdown so extreme last weekend that I had to leave the room to be sick, it was that stressful. She locked herself in and we had to remove the door handles.

Is there anything that is stressing her at all? My DD was struggling after moving schools and she tried to re-invent herself in a new, harder persona. She's actually a very sweet girl and after a lot of work with counselling and amazing support from the school we're starting to see her come back.

My ds has just had the mother of all meltdowns over a bowl of porridge. It was so not about the porridge!

I find punishing them when they are like that only escalates things but we all do it

I wouldn't leave the house though. I'm not being a scaremonger but if she has lost all control and is obviously being completely irrational, be around in case she does something stupid. I used to run away a lot at that age and I was very lucky that nothing happened to me. Teens are generally over-emotional, hormonal and highly strung. Technology addiction doesn't help matters.

Be strong, things will get better.

The way I coped was to detach myself from it
I would remain calm at all costs, at least on the outside
I always tried to keep it matter of fact and not get into slanging matches and shouting back
I used to remind myself that it really wasn't personal and it was a necessary release for dd
It's true you do treat the people you love the most the worst, because it's what unconditional love is all about
Dd once screamed at me that I had lost her forever, which did scare me a bit but I knew she needed consistency and boundaries
I am so proud of her now, she is amazing but 13 was a very tough age

Also she, like all of us, is addicted to her phone so it's a shock and it's a bit cold turkey for her. Once she calms down, you never know, you might find her reading or tidying her room or something.

Has she calmed down? Hope so! Agree that ignoring is the best you can do.

I was horrid at 13. I'm 39 now and pretty nice I think!

Urgh! DS is 13 and he's getting very cheeky with it, and not in a good way. He knows the first thing to go is PS4 time if he's rude to me though. So far DD, 15, hasn't been too bad, but I think he's going to be the one to push the boundaries as much as he can.

I have been there with DD1. And yes, you need to stay strong and not give in to the tantrums

BUT

A rude tantruming teen is not a happy teen and what turned the corner for us was love bombing, being kind and genuinely trying to help her with her problems and troubles.

DD is in her 20s now and lovely. However she's not great in new or uncertain situations (anxious and irritable) and ticks quite a few boxes for a girl with mild autistic traits. We gave her a very stable childhood and I wonder if she just found all the changes associated with being a teen hard to deal with.

Been there, done that....teenage years with my YD one of 3 girls..and boy did she test me to my limits! I can;t offer much advise beyond sympathy and staying VERY cool, keeping to what you say and keeping to the boundaries and limits you set. My YD had the most horrific rages I have EVER seen or experienced in my life. I don't know about the book Mums Net is featuring on its pages but I was recommended a book called"Yes your teen is Crazy - loving your kid without losing your mind" by Michael J Bradley and I have to say it helped me A LOT! i got mine off e bay so you don't have to pay full price. It was well worth the money...and beleive me I trawled books and web sites throughout her teenage years...DH packed her bags for her more than once.

Sorry I can't be of more help...it was a horrible period of my life..and no doubt hers. She does say now, age 20, she was vile.

YD?