Ds upset about his height.

[TotalUnknown]

Ds is 5'10" and has only grown an inch this year. He's just turned 17. His dad is 6'2", I'm 5'8".

He feels quite sad about this. He's very intelligent and good looking (not that I'm prejudiced), but he's also extremely skinny. Most of his life he was taller than his friends, but in the last 3 years every one of his close friends has shot past him and grown broader. Some have already filled out, too. He looks so small among them.

Fortunately ds has some brilliant role models, as two of the teachers he most respected have been small, slender men, and one of them will be teaching him this year.

But how do I talk to ds? Do I comfort him when he mentions his height and his disappointment in it? Are there things I should absolutely not say?

"little brothers" (although little bothers probably works just as well )

He'll keep growing for several years yet. My little bro was about 5'7" at 16, he now is pushing 6'1" at 19!

I really don't see an issue here, my DH is 5'7 and my DS is 5'5

My boys would be pleased to be that tall!
My 18 yo is 5'8, and my 15 yo 5'7. My 13 yo DTs are 5'5 - which is the same height my brother was as an adult.

Maybe it's because I'm so short they seem so tall! I'm 5'1, so they look enormous from down here.

I'm really surprised that you even see this as an issue.
5'9" is a very good height. Already.

I'm sure he'll continue to grow until he's 21.

However, he's being a bit self-indulgent dare i say it. Not every man gets to be 6'

My brother is 5'7'' and to his credit I have never, ever heard him complain about it ONCE

I used to complain about being short but my mother wouldn't indulge it for a moment. She used to say ''at least you haven't got cystic fibrosis'' like her friend's daughter and my dad used to say ''at least you're not in a wheelchair'' (like his brother ended up), so there was no tolerance for healthy people moaning about being able bodied in my household. I know I seem unsympathetic.

I think sometimes it's about perspective OP.
I'm a 5'10 female but all my friends (also female) are taller than me! Some are even 6 foot 2 upwards. This made me feel small even though I could see people around me weren't as tall as I am, my friendship group were just abnormally tall.

Now I see that I'm actually taller than lots of men. Once he mixes with different people he'll realise it's a good height to be and not at all abnormal.

My 16 year old (5'6" at a little stretch) would be so over the moon to have a few more inches
I think 5'9 is great! (As is 5'6 as I say several times a week).
I'm small and I hate that it's ok for me/my daughter but seen as something wrong with my son

Similar to a pp, my ds1 is 5ft10 and his two younger brothers are well over 6", as is dh.

. He's a bit miffed, but no more than that. He needs to be confident in his own skin,( I know that's easy to say though).

It sounds like it's his build, not his height, that is the issue?

If so, it can be changed pretty easily with weights/diet. But there's no reason he should have to - plenty of women find skinny men attractive. Some of the strongest and most physically fit guys I know (special forces types) are quite slight and wiry in their build, but strong as oxen underneath it.

He's absolutely fine at that height.

Next time he needs shoes look for ones with slightly chunkier soles than normal. A discreet way of adding a little height.

It makes no difference to who he is if he is a man who 5'4, 5'7 or 6'3. I think you should comfort him, as it's really difficult navigating who you are and the body you inhabit against society's standards of beauty and aspiration. If he is healthy and well nourished, then essentially it's about accepting his genetics.

He's neither moaning nor navel-gazing. His dad and his uncles are tall. His friends are tall (and broad). His mum is tall. His little brother is tall. His sense of 'average' is defined by this.

it's really difficult navigating who you are and the body you inhabit against society's standards of beauty and aspiration

Exactly.

My DP measures his height in shoes 🙊 Suggest this to him.

Sorry OP but I'd be thrilled if DS got to 5"9 let alone 5"10.

I'm same height as you OP, imho we are not that tall.
Nobody gets everything they want, is what I would remind my son.

The extremely skinny thing is something he could work on, that is in his control.

Seriously ?

Agee op it's not particularly tall especially when from a tall family but he may continue to grow. I think I would encourage him to try to build some weight up, it sounds like he is underweight, not sure if this affects his ability to grow, but I doubt it's doing him sny favours in that department and also will make him look quite unsubstantial.

I was expecting you to say he was about 5'5" .
Can't believe anyone thinks it is an issue being 5'10 (or 9)

Also, lads can keep on growing well into their 20s - he might not have stopped growing yet.