DS (17) starts college today, friend not long passed his test driving him there and I'm worrying

[LoveVintage]

My DS (17, nearly 18) starts college today. He's staying at home and travelling - the college is about 20 miles away.

He, along with two other friends also going to the same college, is going to be driven to college by a friend, same age, who passed his driving test a few months ago. In the normal scheme of things, I would be nervous about this - young lads, driver's lack of experience etc but could talk myself down to stop worrying, it's the next stage in their life etc.

However, at the end of July, five of DS' friends were in a car accident, and and one of DS' friends died. This has been huge for DS and his friends to deal with and just so, so sad.

Since DS left the house a while ago, I've been crying, thinking about his friend, worrying about the boys travelling to college etc, feeling real fear for what might happen.

I know there's no point worrying, but it's that thing where they always say don't worry mum, nothing's going to happen - but it did. I do know it's something I'll need to get used to, just deal with, and I'm sure I will, but it doesn't stop me worrying. Just felt the need to write it down and get it off my chest.

Oh gosh! That's awful. I'm so sorry to hear about your DS's friend. I was expecting to reply with a "you need to try to be calm - they all start driving at some point", but after reading your post, I completely understand why you're worrying.

Just know that most, if not all new, young drivers have black boxes in their cars these days (unless they want to spend thousands and thousands on car insurance) and that means they have to drive sensibly and not like boy racers.
My son has a black box in his car (he passed beginning of July) and he mustn't go over the speed limit, brake hard, speed off fast and must drive smoothly. Also, if he drives late at night that brings his driving score down. His insurance cost him £1500, but without a black box it would have been at least £5000!
So I'm sure your DS's friend will have a black box.
My DS has me on his find my friends on his iPhone. Maybe you could suggest that your son and you have a family tracking app so you can see when he's arrived at college. I'm sure he'll understand given what has happened.

I know, it is way above and beyond the normal worrying about your children.. my DS was nearly in the car that crashed but called off so I guess that preys on my mind too.

I think his friend is a reasonably safe driver, and I feel a bit better now, just was a bit of a wobble this morning, but will have to get used to it. Will take a look at the tracking app, thanks a lot.

He is 17. Say no.
It's a year when they all learn to drive. Mine knew that when they passed their tests they could borrow my car but not give lifts until they had been driving six months. There have been calls to enshrine this kind of rule in law. Equally I wouldn't let them take lifts from inexperienced friends. It meant I did taxiing a bit longer (no public transport).

At 17 there weren't many things I insisted on but this was one. Interestingly a couple of years later they still have friends who they would never get in a car with.

I did the same as Martha, in that I said DD couldn't travel with anyone until they had passed their test for 6 months, and that she couldn't give lifts until she had passed her test for 6 months. Luckily, she is fairly compliant!
LoveVintage, if it is any consolation, I would imagine that given what has happened they are all extra careful drivers.

Thanks for your replies. To be fair the boy driving him passed his test at the start of the year, and is reasonably sensible. The point about them being extra careful drivers is fair, as my DS has pointed out to me that this is the case. Another friend of his has just this week passed his test and bought a car. My DS is great and doesn't give us any bother but not sure how he'd take to us saying he couldn't travel with inexperienced friends. I will have a chat with him. Thank you.