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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Alcohol at 16th birthday party

17 replies

Swarskid2184 · 03/09/2017 17:49

My DD is going to be 16 in November. She wants to have a party at home for friends, but I am not sure what to do about alcohol.

DD had no interest (is in a slightly irritating self righteous phase that alcohol is gross and adults idiots!), and neither has her direct friendship group of 7 girls (2 of whom are Muslim). BUT, she wants to invite her wider group of friends- will be about 25 girls and a handful of boys- and some of these girls go to parties where there is alcohol.

So... do I provide some cider and lager and hope people don't bring anything stronger OR say no alcohol and accept that some will bring alcohol (worried this may then involve vodka).

Was going for the cider/lager option, but a mum of one of the girls in her friendship group pointed out earlier today that I am responsible for the outcome if I provide alcohol to under 16's in my house.

Views???

OP posts:

Caprianna · 03/09/2017 17:51

I wouldn't and I would not be happy if other parents seeved my 16 year old alcohol either.

BigGreenOlives · 03/09/2017 17:55

We served alcohol at my dd's 16th but didn't bring it out until dinner was ready (BBQ at 8pm) and then locked it up at 10.15pm. We served cider, low alcohol beer, regular beer & soft drinks. No vomiting & no tears. I emailed all the parents before hand letting them know our plans. No one queried. In the invitations dd told her friends that we would be providing alcohol. No empty vodka bottles or plastic 'water' bottles in the rubbish the next day.

Wolfiefan · 03/09/2017 17:57

Choice of orange or Bucks Fizz to toast then no booze? You'll be there to keep an eye on things? Are they sleeping over? Much harder to smuggle booze if you don't bring a big sleepover bag!

Gannicusthemannicus · 03/09/2017 17:57

Seeing as your daughter doesn't drink, I wouldn't. If the kids who do normally drink don't want to come because of that, then that is their problem.

Besides, I think if you provide some alcohol, it blurs the lines so if a child became ill on cider, or brought vodka, it would be down to the precedent you set. If you take out alcohol completely, you are not going to be in the firing line if they choose to bring it themselves.

Are you going to be around during the party?

dinahmorris · 03/09/2017 18:04

I wouldn't. A lot of the teens will only be 15 and if DD isn't bothered then why take the risk?

Original poster

Swarskid2184 · 03/09/2017 18:13

Thanks, that was my original instinct but then so many people at work said that their 14/15 year olds go to parties with alcohol that i thought I was being completely too strict.

Will be doing pizza for food. Will provide soft drinks and maybe a Buck's Fizz with the cake.

No one sleeping over thankfully!!

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 03/09/2017 18:38

My DS is 14. He wouldn't take alcohol to a party!

LoveBeingAMum555 · 04/09/2017 21:43

I agree it's your home and your choice. I have never allowed underage kids to drink in my home because I don't want the responsibility. However as a parent to a 16 year old who has been to a lot of parties this summer be aware that some kids will turn up with alcohol and expect to be allowed to drink. If there is an alcohol ban they will try and smuggle it in. They are crafty and often it's the nicest, most well behaved kids too. And parents shock me - I have seen 15 year olds arrive at parties with a full box of beer!

One party DS went to there was a secret booze stash in the garden and kids were taking it in turns to go outside for "fresh air".

Being forewarned is best, just in case. Think about how you are going to handle it if kids do turn up with drink, even if you have explained the rules beforehand. Discuss it with DD too, she may be under pressure to have alcohol at the party. I hope she has great time - without alcohol - which is what you should be doing at 16!

schoolgaterebel · 10/09/2017 10:51

I wouldn't be happy if another adult provided my 16YO with alcohol.

Be prepared though, as they will bring their own.

I'd have plenty of water available and make sure you are available with food / snacks later in the evening.

forcryinoutloud · 12/09/2017 18:28

so many people at work said that their 14/15 year olds go to parties with alcohol that i thought I was being completely too strict.

Crikey it's a sad day when a bunch of mid teens can't have a party and a bit of fun without alcohol. You are not being too strict, just sensible and perhaps other parents would do well to follow your lead rather than the other way round!

lljkk · 12/09/2017 18:42

We are dealing with this issue, too.

Last night DD got into big snit when I said I wouldn't allow alcohol at her (16th) sleepover event.
Today she heard several stories about alcohol fueled sex among her fellow yr11s at recent parties.

Merida83 · 12/09/2017 21:01

No I would definitely not be providing or allowing alcohol at a 16th birthday party!

singingdeborah · 12/09/2017 22:06

I am aware many teenagers start to experiment with alcohol at this sort of age. My DD is 16 and I allow her to drink because I know I need to slowly introduce her to this sort of stuff so she won't do it dangerously elsewhere.
I'd provide cider as it makes them feel grown up but won't get them drunk. Of course you'd have to ask the other parents for permission because I'd never give a friend of DD alcohol without parental consent.
As long as there is no hard liquor you should be fine.

Squeegle · 12/09/2017 22:25

I've never heard of cider not getting you drunk?

Squeegle · 12/09/2017 22:25

Must try that myself sometime

BigGreenOlives · 13/09/2017 14:24

Cider is as strong as lager...

In the US I think they have non-alcoholic cider but here it's potent.

singingdeborah · 17/09/2017 21:37

What I mean is cider will not get teenagers flat out shitfaced. Sure, they'll feel a bit giggly and may act drunker than they actually are because they're teenagers, but a can or two of cider is not going to get any teenager more than a little tipsy (as a mother to twin daughters who are 16 I can confirm that they were still fine after having two glasses of Kopparberg each)

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