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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

AIBU??? Help Please

52 replies

candlerings · 29/08/2017 18:04

13yo DD always complaining that she has no clothes so OH took her shopping today. I said she need some new shoes and they decide £50 was reasonable but couldn't find any nice ones so she added £20 of her own money. She found a £75 pair of "fenty puma creepers?" which she claims she has wanted for a year. He said she could have them but when I got home I said that was A ridiculous amount and that she couldn't have them even though she had her hopes up and was told she could. I just don't agree with that price for shoes! She is now in tears and has gone up to her room.... AIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:
thatorchidmoment · 29/08/2017 19:18

I imagine you could find them a bit cheaper if you shopped around online, but I also think YABU. Quibbling over another fiver when she is contributing quite a bit for more desirable shoes for her, is a bit mean.

Could you make a deal for her to earn the extra £5 worth by doing extra chores this week?

NoSquirrels · 29/08/2017 19:25

Did they buy them or not?

Are they shoes for school, or leisure?

There are loads of reasons why you might not want to spend £75 on shoes (I rarely get to! Always sale purchases) but actually if £50 was reasonable then £55 for a pair that her absolute heart's desire (with £20 of her own money, no less) is still reasonable.

And your DH had agreed.

Do you usually tell her what she can & can't spend £20 on?

RebelRogue · 29/08/2017 20:11

Tbh ,if i took my kid out shopping,found something we agreed on and she was happy with,bought it, and then OH decided to override that I'd go mental. And buy the trainers anyways as a gift for the kid.

MissMHannah · 29/08/2017 21:22

Its because there is a comma inbetween the number 2 and the 20 is it meant to be 220 sometimes URL's can be updated though so maybe its not .. anyway candlerings what did you did have you guys made up
M x

LittleLights · 29/08/2017 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleLights · 29/08/2017 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumof56 · 29/08/2017 21:38

£50 of your money was agreed for shoes. £50 of your money was spent on shoes.

What she added herself is irrelevant in this equation, YABU

Copperbeech33 · 29/08/2017 21:39

YABU

parents always have a budget for shoes.

teens always want ones that cost more.

The normal, adult, reasonable way around this is for parents to pay the budget they had in mind, and teens to make up the difference with their own money.

why would you object to that? You are being ridiculous.

Original poster
candlerings · 30/08/2017 17:01

I feel like I should add that OH is her step father and thanks all

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 30/08/2017 18:13

But what did you do OP?

It's exceptionally rare to score 100% YABU on a thread so do let us know, please!

TheSecondOfHerName · 30/08/2017 18:17

I think you need to start choosing your battles. I'm not sure this is the one to make a stand over. I say this as a parent of four teenagers.

nuttyknitter · 30/08/2017 18:18

I hope you've changed your mind and apologised to her.

VimFuego101 · 30/08/2017 18:28

I think you and your OH need to present a united front. If you weren't happy, you should have discussed it out of her earshot.

FrenchRoast · 30/08/2017 20:32

I think it's weird that you don't trust your partner to make a simple decision like this - take your dd shopping in future yourself if it's such a big deal - I'd be pissed off at you if I was you dd or your dh. Are you over controlling often?

Ttbb · 30/08/2017 20:35

If there is one thing worth spending a lot of money on (clothing wise) it's shoes. Cheap shoes will effect her feet and posture in terrible ways.

LoniceraJaponica · 30/08/2017 20:36

"£75 isn't unreasonable for a pair of trainers at 13"

Really Shock
I think it is.

However, I agree with the consensus that the OP has been unreasonable given that her daughter paid £20 towards them

NoSquirrels · 30/08/2017 21:24

Why's it matter if OH is her stepfather?

You trusted him to take her shoe shopping, budget £50. He agreed to spend £50 if she added the extra for the shoes she really wanted.

He did good teen parenting.

Then you undermined him.

Mrscropley · 30/08/2017 21:27

You damaged a good bit of bonding there op. .

cdtaylornats · 30/08/2017 21:58

I think regardless you owe your other half an apology, you have just taught your daughter he has no authority and that she has no say.

Mumof56 · 30/08/2017 22:17

I feel like I should add that OH is her step father and thanks all

Why does this matter? Is it a case of he acts as a parent i.e. taking her shopping for shoes, but when he does something that you don't agree with he is only a step parent?

mumoffour1716154 · 30/08/2017 22:46

YABU, she paid for them in part plus your DH also supported her in this purchase.

I have stopped buying my sons shoes from next, M&S etc as they would never wear them, only wear their favourite brand pair. The boys choose their footwear, we look for the best deal and these shoes are looked after, my oldest was bought a pair of huaraches costing £100, he was 15 and now 3 years later his younger brother is wearing them as still in good condition.

EMSMUM16 · 30/08/2017 23:09

No i think you are being unfair. She has to learn about her own spending and money etc, she's putting her own money in so I wouldn't worry about it. Shoes are expensive & at least she'll wear them!

BackforGood · 30/08/2017 23:42

YABVVVU to overrule the 'responsible adult' (whatever the biological or legal relationship) who had the task of taking her shopping.

YABU to say there was £50 to spend on the shoes, and then not let her make up the difference with her own money. You were no worse off. She was happy.

YANBU to think that is a ridiculous amount to spend on shoes.

peaandhamsoup · 31/08/2017 00:17

I'd just say you were in the wrong, apologise and live a peaceful life

Agree with choosing battles more carefully.

It's going to get a lot harder than an expensive pair of trainers

SpareASquare · 31/08/2017 00:27

I feel like I should add that OH is her step father

How, or why does this matter?

You were definitely in the wrong and I hope you have acknowledged this.

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