Sleepover.

[Wolfiefan]

What are your rules?!
DS is 14. He wants to go overnight to a friend's house. We live rurally so to spend a day there means 2 hours driving in one day!
I don't know the family or the boy. Would you expect to chat to the parent before they go?! Check address, they're happy to have him and timings ok. Or am I being paranoid and over protective?

I would probably want to talk to his parent and have a contact number.

How does your DS know him?

Through school. As it is rural kids are bused in from a distance. DS is generally a well behaved and bright boy but not always as sensible as I would like (he is only a teen! Recent highlights include leaving smartphone on the bus!)
I generally trust his judgement but he has no reason to think anything other than the best of people if that makes sense.
And I wasn't an angel teen. Think that colours my view!

I'd definitely be talking to the hosting patents first!

Glad it's not just me. I do tend to be over cautious about a lot.

Personally I would think it pretty slack parenting not to have a call or text with the host parents about the arrangements, especially if you do not know the other boy or his family.

When I was at school, same age, I stayed with a mate over the weekend. Her parents put us to work clearing a field of stones - I developed a "headache" after a long days work and insisted on my parents coming to collect me, as Sunday had promised to be more of the same, it's still a running joke in our house, that I went on a working holiday. Let your ds know that you'll pick him up if he's not happy about something.

Thanks French. They seem lovely. Spoke to a parent. Was going to suggest he took his phone and also give parents all my details in case they want him gone for any reason!

I agree French I have an agreement with DD that she can develop a 'headache' or similar at a sleepover or any situation where she isn't comfortable and we will pick her up no questions asked. I am also cautious having been in a situation where the parents went off for a few days and things got out of control.

Sounds good Wolfie.

DD had a codeword for please rescue me from this. Actually it started when she had her first 'proper' boyfriend at the age of 15.

On the advice of a wise parent I had a policy of offering to do lifts with the car full of my teen and their friends. Sit quietly in the front and they sometimes forget you're there and let things slip. Even if they don't it's a way of getting to know their friends and hopefully the parents.

DD went to a school which didn't feed from her primary, so like you probably, I knew very few of her friends and their parents. She was encouraged to invite them round and have a welcoming home for friends who needed dinner before they went to evening stuff etc.

I used to covertly ask other parents what info they had on sleepovers, parties etc when the DC got to the stage of being embarrassed by having a parent 'interfere'. I also had the mobile number of one or two of their friends so there was more chance of getting in touch if need be. 'Sorry, my phone was out of charge/there was no signal' etc.

Lol at picking stones out of a field - sounds awful.

You're right to be cautious. For all you knew the 'rents could have been away and 50 other 14YOS been invited to an 'empty'.

I was a teacher for many years. Students often said things they shouldn't when in your presence. I know all the tricks!
Unfortunately it isn't just rural. It's not our closest school so none of his friends are around here. So I can't do lifts and get to know people.

Invite a pile of them round before school goes back? Welcome the parents in for a cuppa?

Insist on taking the parents number and then call them to check everything is ok and give them your number in case they need to contact you. I use code words too.
It's soooo much harder at secondary school when you don't get to see the parents.