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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Aibu to let me child have a sleep over

56 replies

humblebeedle · 26/08/2017 14:29

My ds age 13 has been invited to have a sleep over with three of his close friends, all the same age, without any adult supervision. The family in question are away for the day and night. I've offered the boys to sleep at mine or I sleep over there but they don't want either. They are very good children and I trust them to be sensible. I'm also local so can get there very quickly if there was a problem. WWUD?

OP posts:
littlebird7 · 26/08/2017 16:43

God no, totally irresponsible

feathermucker · 26/08/2017 16:44

At 13 years old overnight?! Definite no for me!

My 11 year old has spent the day alone whilst I'm at work, usually has a friend over for a few hours, but there's no way I'd give permission for the scenario you're suggesting.

Too many what ifs.

clary · 26/08/2017 16:44

I would also say no. Pretty sure it's not against the law as such tho.

We have left our three DC (then 17, 15, 13) overnight (so no adults) but that's different IMO from a sleepover with four 13yo mates.

titchy · 26/08/2017 16:47

You'd be INCREDIBLY irresponsible to agree to this. They'll be downing neat vodka you realise...

tinytreefrog · 26/08/2017 16:48

I had a friend who was regularly left alone over night from about 14. I was a year and a half younger, and often used to stay with her. Knowing the things we got up to, there is no way on earth that my children would be staying at a friends with no adult at that age! It's just asking for trouble!

HemanOrSheRa · 26/08/2017 16:49

Good grief. Absolutely no way. It'll be complete carnage.

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 26/08/2017 18:27

So let me get this straight, another parent rang you to say that she was leaving her son overnight and would it be ok if your son (and others) stay there alone?

corythatwas · 26/08/2017 19:13

Babyblues14 Sat 26-Aug-17 16:24:39
"Check Google it is the law that they cannot be left overnight so if they were seen or caught you and the other parents would be prosecuted."

No such law in the UK. It is a recommendation by the NSPCC that under 16s should not be left alone overnight but their recommendations are not legally binding.

Still, just because it is not illegal doesn't mean it is a good idea. Like other posters on this thread I do not think it's a good idea and would not allow it. It's the whole sleep-over, making-deliberate-arrangements-to-be-away-from-adults scenario that makes it dodgy rather than whether one responsible 13yo could manage a night on his own.

Teenageromance · 26/08/2017 19:32

Leaving an 11 year old while you go to work is a bit off in my book as well. I certainly wouldn't let an 11 year old have a friend round while I was at work. Does the other parent know that their child is in the house alone while you are at work?

feathermucker · 26/08/2017 20:27

@Teenageromance

Seeing as I've brought my child up singlehandedly since he was born, I feel I'm best placed to judge whether or not he is capable of handling being at home alone.

Yes, the parent of the child who cane round to spend time with him was fully aware that he was home alone and, yes, they were completely happy for their child to come to my house.

He is mature and capable, knows what not to do and stays within boundaries I have set for him.

So, the fact that "it's a bit off in your book" is pretty irrelevant. I have no doubt there are 11 year olds who wouldn't cope........some of his friends might not, but he did......and he does.

Perfectly happy with my decision, so judge away :-)

Incidentally, if you want to be really horrified, the friend that came round was a girl.

clary · 26/08/2017 20:51

Feather mucker I'm with you on that one!

"A bit off in my book"? I do sometimes wonder if some MNers live in the real world... where parents work and not everyone is a teacher! 11yo at home while you are at work is fine as long as he/she is OK with it.

feathermucker · 26/08/2017 21:01

Thank you clary

It's the hardest job in the world, bar none, being a parent. In some cases, there is no set age for things. You have to use your judgment and knowledge of the child and make a decision based on this.

He does have a lot of freedom, and has done pretty well with it so far.

KarateKitten · 26/08/2017 21:07

Not in a million years.

Intothenestofvipers · 26/08/2017 21:08

A bit off in my book"? I do sometimes wonder if some MNers live in the real world... where parents work and not everyone is a teacher! 11yo at home while you are at work is fine as long as he/she is OK with it.

This is exactly what I was thinking. My parents would leave my brother and I alone in the holidays from age 10 or so to go out to work. We were allowed to have some friends around, never did anything naughty or dangerous, friends parents knew and were happy, I grew up to be a very responsible adult and all was good.

Still no to the overnight alone at 13 though!

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 26/08/2017 21:09

My dc are old now but I was a pretty laid back parent, and this still would have been a massive no from me at that age.

GreatBigPolarBear · 26/08/2017 21:10

Absolutely not! Maybe let them have a couple of hours at the adult free house and then collect them to sleep at yours?

feathermucker · 26/08/2017 21:11

I'd definitely say no.

WatchingFromTheWings · 26/08/2017 21:38

One 13 year old home alone whilst you're working is fine. 4 of them together, unsupervised over night?? No chance!

cdtaylornats · 26/08/2017 21:51

At 13 we used to go off camping in the hills for a week at a time.

Teenageromance · 26/08/2017 22:51

Still think 11 is too young to be home without an adult - especially if you are out all day. The unsupervised screen time alone would worry me. Disagree if you want but we can all have an opinion on it as those disagreeing with the 13 year olds sleepover are.

feathermucker · 26/08/2017 23:08

I do disagree as I know my son better than anyone.

With regards to unsupervised screentime, it's a small proportion of a week that's also filled with football, swimming, walking, tennis, hiking, playing games, reading, writing, photography etc. He leads a very active life.

You are welcome to 'still think it's wrong' and I am well aware that this page is full of differing opinions. I absolutely stand by my decision to allow him to spend from 7.45 to 5.30 at home unsupervised one day a week.

VioletCharlotte · 26/08/2017 23:15

Not at 13, no.

booellesmum · 26/08/2017 23:16

Have left mine at home all day while I go to work (8.00 until 6.00) from 11 years once in senior school.
Overnight is different and I wouldn't leave them overnight until around 16.

user1485639128 · 26/08/2017 23:17

I won't tell you the things I use to get up to when my parents were at work thinking I was being responsible. It's a no from me

Teenageromance · 26/08/2017 23:38

As the above poster said - very naive.

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