My daughter and drink

[LindaH1977]

Hi , I have two daughters one 15 and one 13 , I love them both but I am concerned with the older one's drinking. She is very popular at school and goes to many house parties and goes out a lot but last night she came home drunk , she confessed to having a lot of sambuca and told me , while under the influence that she does it all the time, I didn't know this and it was a big shock. She threw up on the floor and I nursed her back to health today , I also told her of the dangers of drinking, my biggest fear is that she get drunk at one of these parties and is assaulted sexually , I said that she can't go to anymore house parties and can't go out without my supervision , she started screaming at me and hasn't come out of her room all day.
I don't want her to be in danger but this move could hurt her social life and she has suffered depression and self harm before and she has been doing well for 8 months now , I don't want a relapse.
Please give me some advice .
Thank you.

No advice, but watching with interest with a 16 year DD. It's such a potentially dangerous age group.

It doesn't matter how much it hurts her social life- she is 15 and therefore still a child and YOUR responsibility.

Phone would be confiscated as would any tablets or laptops. If she wants to see her friends- fine. But they come to your house.

I'm all for teens having 1 or 2 alcopops at home but Sambuca at 15??

I understand your concern I really do but you need to consider where she is getting the alcohol from and her health.

When she has calmed down I would try and talk to her about why you are so concerned.Particularly that you are pleased that she has overcome her problems before and gone on to have a social life she enjoys but for 2 reasons she needs take care to preserve this balance:-to ensure she is safe and to be aware that alcohol can be a depressant.
Maybe you could say she is allowed to attend some parties but not so many and if she comes home in that state again no parties.

There will always be someone with fake ID or an older sibling able to buy them booze. If you stop them going to parties, they'll probably drink in the park with friends (this is from my experience only, and in no way am I trying to say anything negative about your daughter). Could you throw a party at your house? Maybe 15 is a bit young though. My parents did this for me when I was 16 and 17 and at college. You could remain upstairs unless you hear screaming etc or your DD texts you. That way you can control what they are drinking, and you know they are in a safe place.

Coming down hard on this will not necessarily yield the results you are after. Apart from the inevitable drinking in the park, the breakdown in your relationship where you lose any respect and influence you might have had, she is still not protected from the thing you fear the most - one of my friends was put on a strict curfew as a 13 year old, she regularly sneaked out her bedroom window and went to parties and clubs...one night she was raped but she never told anyone till she was at Uni among people she trusted not to judge her - it was an awful thing for a 13 to face alone...... for years!
If she is one of the popular gang - her social life will be all the defines her, I don't think you can take it away from her without very negative consequences.