Personal care in teenagers, what is normal?

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My dh has his kids 15&12 over the summer holidays (weekends and holidays split equally between him and ex) . Whilst they are with us the kids don't normally tend to their personal care unless told to.

We assume that they must shower etc when at home, and they get themselves ready for school without any input from an adult at all. The 15 year old has fillings at every dentist appointment, 12 yo doesn't. But when with us they don't seem to do anything unless I nag my dh to make them do it, they barely even change clothes. When they come over for the weekends dh tells them to get in the shower as they always tend to smell like they are due a shower.. In the last 3 days they have brushed teeth and showered once, 12 yo was told to, 15 yo did it without being asked but went out for the whole day the next day without brushing teeth, didn't even go into the bathroom at all.

I think my dh needs to be telling them to brush teeth daily/twice daily if they won't do it themselves for the sake of their teeth. Aibu?

It is unreasonable to enforce personal care on the kids? It is unreasonable not to?! I know they are not my kids so I will butt out and leave them to it, but I just want to know what is normal really.

I think I'd be comfortable telling a 12 year old to take a shower ( as in my experience they can go through a skanky stage at this age). However the 15 year old has obviously decided this is the way he wishes to live. We usually hold a lot of importance around personal hygiene within our culture but I think you maybe have to accept that this isn't the same for everyone. The 15 year old may start bathing more often once they are in a relationship or once their peers tell them they stink. But they may not. Their call at 15 I'd say

My DS 12 needs to be reminded twice daily to brush his teeth and every morning to have a shower. It's no longer a battle but he needs to be told.

DS 14 is a bit better but still needs a nudge some days!

I find being honest helps. I tend to say 'you stink' or 'your breath smells' and that helps!

Don't know what's normal but my DD is 13 and her routine is:
Shower every morning - non negotiable! Puts deodorant on.
Hair wash every other day.
Brushes teeth morning and night. Every couple of weeks, DH watches her brush teeth to make sure she's doing it properly (at my request as I have lots of fillings)

Dd is 15y. At home she showers and washes her hair every morning, always uses deodorant etc and brushes her teeth morning and night.
On sleepover with friends she doesn't tend to shower if only one night. Not does she when we've camped for one to two nights, though will have a wet wipe wash, brush teeth, etc. When staying with family she still has a daily shower.

I'd expect to need to remind a 12 year old.

The 15 year old should know better.

Personally, i'd be expecting your DH to tell them to clean their teeth morning and night and make sure they shower at least every other day.

Oh and we insisted on a daily shower once she was about 11. She'd have happily done it every other day back then.

I think grotty teens are fairy common

I have one grotty one and one not grotty one

Working in a classroom full of them I would say it's fairly common to have teens with perfectly done hair and make up but with teeth that haven't been cleaned and bo
-they don't seem to be able to smell each other unless they don't like each other and then smelling of the wrong body spray is a mortal sin

They generally come out the other side by year 11

DD 16 showers daily, nit always in the morning, washes hair 3 times per week(long and thick), brushes teeth twice a day. Doesn't need to be told.
DD 13 same as sister.

Having said that, DD16's room is an absolute tip!

It depends on the teen.

DD is never out of the shower.

DS went through a gallons of lynx is grand instead of a shower phase.

DD(15) have to be reminded to shower and do teeth several times a week. It's winter where we are but in summer I had to remind her every day to put on deodorant, she often smells bad.

They deffo go through grotty phases.
Dd is 15 and showers daily, washes her hair a couple of times a week (It's dyed and v dry because of this), she does use deodorant, wear clean clothes etc and doesn't smell, but she certainly has in the past.
It's beyond ming, and I told her but not much I could really do about it.
She's had a Bf for 6 months and been clean since then!
She tidies her room and changes her sheets often too, again probs having a Bf

Don't know what's normal. DD2, 14, resists showering but has perfect mouth hygiene and perfect teeth. DD1, 17, is only slightly less resistant to showering, but also has good mouth hygiene. I think they don't want to have bad breath.

My 12 & 14 ds and dd won't ever get showered unless promoted by me or dh ! They are disgusting ! My dd age 14 is slightly cleaner than her brother but still often has to be told to shower and especially about brushing teeth

Ha, this brings back memories. I don't have teens myself but I do remember my own ewwwww phase. I think it's quite common. I hated the shower between about 10 and 13, deodorant was a no goer. Never used the stuff. By the time I was 14 I was conscious of it and from then onwards I couldn't go without showers and deodorants etc. It's another of those common teen behaviours unfortunately.

DD (13) managed to persuade herself as a small child that cleaning your teeth twice a day was THE LAW, and I think that still lingers! So teeth are done, the rest can be a little haphazard. She does shower though, mostly as a reason to string out going to bed, but at last she's clean. But we just came back from a holiday when we took he friend with us, and her mum told us she may we'll need to be told to keep clean. She was actually fine, but is clearly a bit more laid back than DD when at home.

I have to remind my 13 year old dd. I never needed reminding to wash/shave/do teeth at this age myself, but then again dd is a lot more well behaved at school than i was, so i figure no one's perfect.

DS13 needs to be told to have a shower, could go for weeks without , but he plays a lot of football and does other sports, so when he pulls a muscle or gets some other "injury" he tends to ask for Epsom salts bath.

ds(13) showers/washes hair every morning either as soon as he gets up or after breakfast. Occasional baths at night if sore muscles. At night he cleans his face with Clearasil as he is a bit spotty on his forehead. Brushes teeth midweek morning and evening no problem but needs reminding at weekends after a lie in or late night. He puts clothes in laundry when required (clean school shirt, t-shirt, underwear every day).

Fingers crossed it continues.

Depends on the child. My eldest is a super clean freak and the twins are smelly dogs who don't seem to be able to smell that they they need a shower. I'm surprised no one has ever pulled them up on it at college - I guess the poster upthread is right - they can't smell each other. They were bathed every day when younger but seem to think a squirt of perfume and fresh clothes does the trick. When they finally do have a shower (usually after I badger them) they are in there for hours - so the bathroom is occupied all day!

Being stinky and thus being unpleasant for those near you is disgusting. They wash. Removal of beepy beepy toys should do it.

Skankiness for those who have washing facilities is revoltingly entitled.

My dd is 13.5. She has never, repeat never had A bath or shower without being told to. She never argues or questions, but she always always has to be told. She has very difficult dry mixed race Afro hair so doesn't/shouldn't wash it every day, so she is told/made to shower every other day. Every single day I have to say to her to put spray on, brush her hair through, and if I don't tell her to brush her teeth (for example if I'm out or if I have gone to bed before her in the evening) she won't do them. I really have told her this every single day since I stopped doing it for her. It's exhausting and infuriating and very worrying that she doesn't seem to have any comprehension of what is very basic personal hygiene.