18 year old becoming reclusive and depressed advice needed please

[mummy250271]

Hi, my 18 year old is finding it so hard to maintain friendships, she has literally not seen a soul through the six weeks holidays. She is at college and her school friends no longer speak to her, although they wont tell her why when she asks? The only time she seems happy is when she is at work with older people. Everybody tells me she is a polite sensible girl so I just can't work out what the problem can be. I just want to give her any help or advice I possibly can and wondered if anybody else had gone through similar please. Tia xx

I have a 17yo at college and I had really hoped that all the bitchiness would stop once they'd left school. I was wrong. There are so many reasons why these former friends won't talk to her - they don't like something she's posted on social media, someone said that she's said / done something. DD lost a friend because she followed the girl's boyfriend on Instagram!

It might be worth asking if there is anyone in the group who is slightly approachable and encouraging her to meet up with that person and try to find out what is going on. The fact that she is enjoying her job is excellent news - at least that will help her self-esteem. I would also discuss with her tutor when she's back at college so they can keep an eye on things. Would she be interested in taking up something extra-curricular at college so she can meet new people?

Thank you chocolateworshipper. You are right I thought they would have matured by then but it seems to have got worse since college. I suggested she speak to one of the girls but her reply was "well they can't have been proper friends in the first place". It just upsets me to see her so alone, we live in a small village where EVERYBODY knows your business and we aren't "locals" so that hasn't helped matters 🙄. She loves her job and only has a year until uni, so I am hoping that passes quickly. I just find it hard knowing what to say to help her feel less alone x

women / girls get a 'bee in their bonnet ' about nothing at times . your daughter on the face of it anyway seems to have taken a 'yeah , bovvered , so what ' attitude - good for her . She enjoys her job and planning Uni - she'll make new friends . And who knows when she's back at college they may all be friends again - if she's interested .

does she have any interests or hobbies outside of college and work ? My dd met one of her good friends at the gym and around the age of your dd her friendship circle became much smaller as she wasnt as interested in drinking and partying, maybe joining a club or something in your area or back at college might help ?

She needs to ditch the mean girls - what's the point? They don't make her happy. Forget them.

It's great that she's enjoying work and I agree that it's most likely uni will open up brand new social opportunities for her.

In the meantime, activity really helps to lift mood, so anything she can do for pleasure or to give her a sense of achievement will help. What does she enjoy doing?

If you're really worried about her mood dropping, some CBT might be useful. She'll be OK