I"be caught my ds and his gf talking about having sex!

[Tjay1972]

Hi everyone,
This is my first post for years...so here goes!
I've seen texts between my 13 year old son and his gf talking about them masturbating and how they are planning on having sex once she's off her period.
I'm currently in Taiwan (helping my sister as she's just given birth) so my husband, son and I Skyped each other and we told him that we knew!
We've given him the disappointed parent talk and also the "it"s illegal talk."
My husband has banned her from the house until I return next Tuesday and is taking my son to work with him for the rest of this week.

I initially said we would go and see her parents but I know the girl and her mum totally clash and I don't want to make it worse for her.

My thought is for me to talk to the two of them together when I get back....what else could I do?

Thanks

Whatever it was it wasn't helpful! You must know my son better than me!

I always find if I can't answer a post without being rude or totally non-judgemental then I don't.

This is why I left netmums in the first place!

Ok I'll put it another way, if you took that message at face value you may be in for a surprise. Or maybe you wont find out. Either way, don't be naive.

I have a teen - if Shen gets pulled up on behaviour she is usually sorry once she's thought about it

Kids get into tricky situations and don't know how to move on or remove themselves from it - sometimes they are grateful for parents stepping in

I personally think they are still going to do it, I wouldn't take the word of a teenage lad when it comes to this sort of thing. I'd speak to her parents.

I'd at least speak to the school - the mum may over react, personally I reckon that's better than not alerting anyone - they're 13!

Actually if the girl moved on and you hadn't alerted anyone at all concerned with her, like the school if you don't trust the mum, I do think that's short sighted of you.

@HeartburnCentral I remember that thread.
The parents of the gf were very threatening and their son was receiving threats.
I'd discuss it with ds and dsg at the same time.

@Evangeline3
I've spoken to my son via Skype and I've said once I'm home I will be talking to them both. It maybe that I do feel the need to speak to her parents. They haven't done anything yet but I need to nip this in he bud! I am thinking school safeguarding lead also. I can at least as their advice. I'm sure they have come across this before.

OP you and your husband seem to be handling this well at present .

School safeguarding is a good shout, they will have come across this many times before.

@Tjay1972 Sounds like a good idea OP.
The thread that was up the other day was similar to your situation and the parents of ds had many a police visit so definitely best to nip it in the bud.
Perhaps if dsg doesn't get along with her mam then you could have a kind of girly chat too? Just a thought.

@Evangeline3
Oh I shall definitely be having conversations with them both when I get home!
I will also say that I am more than happy to have any conversation with my sons gf if she can't talk to her mum.
There will be strict ground rules when they are together too!

@Tjay1972 Good idea OP, hope all goes well!

Ban him from seeing this girl and inform her parents IMMEDIATELY.

SandraLipton112
Ban him from seeing this girl and inform her parents IMMEDIATELY.

If they want sex they will find a way.

It is impossible to monitor them all the time, even if you pick them up and drop them off from school there are still major gaps that are not supervised.

OP you are handling this well.

@SandraLipton112
I'm not banning them from seeing each other. What will that do? Make them lie about their relationship and not feel able to talk to me?
I'm back home and she is coming over tomorrow for us all to talk.

I agree with those saying to tell the girls Mother. She is not your child and it is not right for you to assume the role of her Mother.

She may not be the girls mother, but sometimes you have to make a judgement call - if telling the mother will put the girl in the firing line, not all parents are calm and reasonable. There's plenty on here who would hang them from the rafters, over react and send them running. Teens are temptemental at the best of times.

They were caught talking about it - not doing it!!