Aren't 20 year old girls mean to be over the teen strops by now??

9 replies

user1467480231 · 15/08/2017 16:52

My 20 year old blows hot and cold. Sometimes loving then other times she tells me to f**K off and is horrendous, not speaking to me for days.
She has an eating disorder, no job and her father and I are recently divorced. I feel like I'm treading on egg shells the whole time and everything is always my fault !!!

Anyone have any advice? Makes me feel really sad....but equally drives me bonkers.

OP posts:

bengalcat · 15/08/2017 17:30

Sorry you're having a hard time . I guess it was just a catchy title you used but having an eating disorder no job and parents just divorced isn't really a teen strop is it . She's reacting to a number of major life events / impacts . So ' no job' - what's her education , has she ever had a job ? What's she interested in / like to do ? Does she have friends ? What kind of eating disorder ?

MrsJayy · 15/08/2017 17:37

She is going through an awful lot to be fair not really teen tantrums it soundsvery very difficult for you both.

Original poster

user1467480231 · 15/08/2017 17:56

Yes, totally agree that it's not just a strop, however I cannot figure out what to do for the best. It's SO hard. Would just love to get her motivated and push her to get friends and a job of some kind.

The question is... just knowing how hard to push without making things worse.

I was brought up with "tough love" but really don't know if that's the right approach?

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LorLorr2 · 15/08/2017 18:04

No I don't think tough love is the right approach here (only my viewpoint). I think it's a common age to feel lost and confused about who you are and what to do with your life, but it sounds like she's also dealing with extra issues. Has she had any help for the eating disorder?

mylaptopismylapdog · 15/08/2017 18:22

My instinct is to distract rather than tough love.Could she do a bit of volunteering or some sort of hobby. May be a mad idea but for some reason my first thought was go to a zoo, or do something she interested in as a kid, basically anything get out of the house I suppose.
Lorlorr2 is right about her age I think a lot of people find the 20's difficult.

FrenchRoast · 15/08/2017 18:34

I think she needs love, support and small challenges to build her confidence, maybe some volunteering? - she has a lot to deal with at the moment.

Original poster

user1467480231 · 15/08/2017 18:57

Great advice from everyone. Thank you. x

OP posts:

PolarisStar · 15/08/2017 18:59

Sounds like she's going through a lot, is she receiving help for her eating disorder?

chocolateworshipper · 15/08/2017 23:15

My parents divorced at a similar age. Part of the problem is, you think you're old enough that you should be able to deal with it, but actually our brains (and particularly the part that controls empathy) aren't fully formed yet. When I look back, I think it would have helped if an adult (not one of my parents) had been around offering to listen to me vent. Does she have an Aunt / other female adult that she feels comfortable talking to?

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