Son refusing to go hols

[shortsaint]

Just that really. My 15 yr old (who suffers with anxiety sometimes and is stubborn as a mule) is refusing to go on holiday tomorrow. We are supposed to be flying to Greece - and this year I have chosen a lazy beach/pool type hols partly to please him. He says he would go to Italy (familiarity) - he's never been to Greece. It's probably anxiety re flight or food. He is v controlling and I fear a full on scene either here when we have to leave it at the airport. I have downloaded headspace app for him as recommended by a friend but he is not interested. Any advice?

What does he offer as an alternative?

Why is he just telling you now? The day before isn't really ideal for you to come up with anything. My parents flat out refused to leave me at home at 15, I had to wait until I was 16.

I honestly think he thinks we will leave him at home in the x box! I have called my mum and she is coming over to speak to him. He is impossible to reason with and I am trying not to lose my temper (v hard I am v short tempered!)

I'd be struggling to keep my temper OP, and I've got a bloody long fuse! You've paid for this holiday, thought about what he'd want, and are now facing him having a massive strop at the airport. He's 15, he goes where he's told would be my response probably unhelpful, sorry

Oh yes we have now had a full on scene over tea. For once I remained calm and my patient DH lost it. The house is fairly calm now, 15 yr old is sulking and still not explaining why. I am praying that this 'moment' may have got it out and better now than at airport.

Teenagers-- grrr - I have to remember when he was a gorgeous toddler actually quite demanding then too--

Sounds like exactly what you don't need in the run up to a holiday! Hopefully it calms down and tomorrow goes ok for you

I would have said 'no problem. We can't let you stay here on your own as you're too young so we have to stay and will be deducting the monies spent so far from your pocket money/Christmas presents until it's paid off'.

Mine would say fine to that deal, Laurie. Stubborn gits.
Need more stick, like Xbox will also be removed for a month if he doesn't go.

You poor thing. I don't know what to suggest. I was stubborn as a mule at that age and would stick to an opinion I knew was nonsense instead of changing my mind . How are things this morning?

Hope you get him there.

Can you take the Xbox?

I'm not sure I'd be discussing anything or having arguments or getting your mum over for a chat with him - it's all feeding his anxiety and giving lots of attention.

There is no alternative so he has to go with you.

Has he tried relaxation apps on his phone to help with anxiety? Getting cross won't help.

Probably too late but you could tell him you've arranged for housesitters to come and look after the house while you are away so he can't stay at home as the agreement is the sitters get the house to themselves.

I wonder what happened OP. My DS is like this too; it is definitely anxiety, it's very difficult, I do sympathise.

Absolutely agree with previous poster. Attention and giving in just feeds the anxiety. Just be calm and clear, he will going on holiday, there is no option but if he would like help managing his anxiety about it you are there for him to support him. Avoidance feeds anxiety so you will be doing him no favours by pandering to it.

Do you know exactly what he is anxious about?

The Xbox is going on holidays to an undisclosed location

We are in Greece at the moment. Flight over was uneventful. Arrival in the airport was lovely - through quickly then off on our way once the bags arrived. It is hot - but nice hot - about 30 with lovely breeze. Everything is very laid back - food is good.

My 15 year old DD also had a strop the day before and said she did not want to come. We ignored her - just put her case in the car and made her get in. She is having a great time!

Hoping that lack of further updates means you are now all on hols!

Thanks for your support. I can report we got here and it is lovely. Airport was fine, he has discovered there is food he will eat, and we have said if he continues to be mature he can be trusted to stay on his own in our small hotel if he doesn't want to go on excursions. So, phew, thank god meltdown was the day before.

Children these days.., at his age I'd have killed to go on a lovely sunny hols with pool rather than stuck in a caravan traipsing for miles and miles through France (NB love 🇫🇷 now!)

Well done short and enjoy your holiday.