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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

14 Year Old Son

7 replies

123ThisIsHard · 06/08/2017 20:19

Apologies... this is going to be a lengthy post. I don't know who to turn to, who to talk to, or what to do for the best.

I have one son who is 14, I've always thought there was something different about him, but people disagreed. He was always top in subjects at school. He has a great sense of humour and seemed to have plenty of friends. His dad and I separated when he was 6, on the whole we have an amicable relationship, he met someone a couple of years ago online and has since moved abroad. My son was very close to my mum, she died of cancer last year. 11 years of his life had been spent basically helping me to care for her.

So this year we relocated, he hasn't been to school since October last year. Always some illness or anxiety that gets concocted.so much so I took him to the Dr. The Dr seemed to think it was a phase... in the end I contacted education and some other people to try and get some support. It's crap. I feel like I'm wallowing in quick sand. Slowly having the life suffocated out of me.

He's lazy, dirty, has no pride in himself at all, refuses to wash or clean his teeth, won't change his clothes. He's cruel to our pets, he screams at me calling me a fat c* and much more. He throws himself on the floor and shouts help help she's attacking me, I'm nowhere near him. Trust me there are times I want to batter him. He has self harmed twice, cutting his arm, first time with a broken door handle, today with a blade on the chisel. He then had the chisel to my throat, pinning my arms down. I managed to get it off him, but this was after I got stabbed in the leg. He went in his room, five minutes later he walks out smiling like nothing has happened. Asks do I want a drink, did I sleep well and then says, what's wrong with you.

I rang the emergency social services number. She was a total bitch. She told me that at 14 his phone and what he does on it is his "choice". I said I was concerned as he sits laughing, typing, watching messed up YouTube videos, but he has no friends. I don't know who he is talking to, or what he is doing. According to her it's his right to do as he pleases. I told her he was violent and showed signs of abnormal behaviour - she said what you class as abnormal may be normal for him. Like wtf.... is he meant to kill me or injure me before anything happens. He guards his phone with his life!!

The first self harming was because I changed the router password. This was accompanied by shouting die c*t die and go kill yourself. Over and over. He also slams doors, throws things around etc.

Now apologies that this is so disjointed, I'm so upset, stressed. I suffer with ill health myself. We have always been close, but I feel I don't know him anymore.

When he sees a dr, support worker, teacher etc, he's incredibly charming. He's like a psychopath.

There is much much more... ny ideas? Thanks

OP posts:
kitnkaboodle · 07/08/2017 08:33

Sorry to hear all this. I can't offer much help, but am bumping your message in the hope that you can get some support ..

kingfishergreen · 07/08/2017 08:39

I'm so sorry to hear that all this is going on, it must be very scary and hurtful.

My only advice (not knowing the CAMHS or SS systems) is to call the police. If an adult-sized person threatens and stabs you with a weapon, your life is at risk.

Again, I'm so sorry.

crazycatguy · 07/08/2017 08:45

CAMHS and SS services are under extreme pressure, much like you are. I find it concerning that he hasn't been to school since October and no outside agency has ever stepped in to support you (or fine you as they love to do).

The boy has no consequences at home. He conducts himself with the full knowledge nothing will happen. You're scared and he knows that. Any threat you make to confiscate or ground must be carried out.

If anyone, and I mean ANYONE stabbed me to the point they caused injury, I'd be calling the police. End of.

cansu · 07/08/2017 08:57

I think you need to talk to the police about what to do when he attacks you. Then you should call them everytime he does it. I would also start recording the incidents on audio so you have evidence if required later.

123ThisIsHard · 07/08/2017 09:42

Grounding - does nothing, he doesn't go out

His computer, Xbox, PS4 all gone - he doesn't care

Consequences don't mean shit to him. Have tried every possible method.

OP posts:
crazycatguy · 07/08/2017 10:59

Police it is. I know you can report a crime at any time, but evidence at this point when him coming at you with a weapon was a while back might be difficult for police to process. There's your next threat, and just carry it out. The law's crystal clear on assault. If this was your partner you'd report them and/or throw them out. The former is always an option with a child.

Mary21 · 07/08/2017 11:53

In addition to the above try the young minds website. Also if not in school education welfare and also see if there is a family support worker.
Go and see your gp . Put pressure on for CAMHS referral and also help for yourself because living with this will grind you down

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