Bullying

[c0ncerenedmum]

I have a 13, nearly 14, year old daughter and I'm getting rather concerned about her as overtime she goes on her phone she always seems to get really upset and start crying. So I had a look on her phone as I was very worried about her, it turns out some boys in her year, her ex-boyfriend and his mate, have been calling her a slut and other things. I don't really know what to do as she is my first born and I don't know if I should move her schools or what? Please help.

Completely unacceptable behavior. Take screenshots of their messages and show them to the principal. The parents of those boys need to be called into the office and told to immediately stop the boys and have them personally apologize to your dd. The good news is that those boys are just 14, so presumably they still listen to their parents.

How long has this been going on? Is dd in really bad shape? From your post, it doesn't seem to warrant changing schools yet. But maybe she is in worse form than I am assuming.

What she should immediately do is block those boys from texting her and from all social media.

I agree with above, this needs a short sharp shock to get these bullies to stop - bullying like this is so hurtful and dangerous - it's clearly distressing your child
But go through the school head

c0ncerenedmum hi, how's it going, I am presuming as it is holidays it is really hard to tackle this.

This is basically sexual harassment or hate speech or both. If these comments were racist in nature he school would all over this, but because it is misogynistic then they may not be so quick to act.

I really do not know what you should do but in your shoes I would probably get her to message the boys, or you message them on her behalf, and explain that this is harassment/bullying.

I'd say I have screen shots and will take these to the school on the first day of term.

I might give them a chance to apologize by text and not repeat the behaviors with the warning any repeat offence in person or by text/on line and you will take screen shots to school.

I might also take a look at advice from charities concerned with bullying and see what they advise.

I have no idea if my advice is good, so please wight it carefully.

If these are texts rather than an open forum I would also get her to block the boys, but before she does that to say "My parents have taken screen shots of your messages and I am not blocking you."

If any of this behaviour is repeated in person, especially if it is in any way threatening, i would report it to the police. Again, no idea if this is the right advice but that is what I would do.

I had to deal with this when I was about 14/15 - I'm 21 now so it was fairly recent.

It was an absolutely horrible time and destroyed my self confidence - took me until going to uni to fix it. My parents were unsupportive and told me 'everyone gets bullied just ignore them' but being called ugly/fat/slag every day really took it's toll. After a few months I broke down crying in an English lesson and had to go and see my head of year, where everything came spilling out about my ex boyfriend and his friends spreading lies and rumours about me, making my life a misery. He was really helpful and kept an eye on it, had a word with them about how bullying can really damage people, and I never had a problem again.

It's really good to know you support your daughter. I'd do the best you can to try and make her talk to somebody in a trust position - head of year, a kind teacher, even deputy head - and offer to go in with her if she needs it. These things can and should be dealt with as early as possible or can have awful repurcussions in the future. Good luck

Panda that is so sad that your parents were unsupportive. Could you say what they could have done better. We are not giong through this at the moment but I am fearful of future issues as ahve an almost teen aged daughter. How best can parents support?

DD had an issue with a teacher (or two) but would not tell me which ones, and said she wasn't sure who etc.

Then said forget it and weeks later it came out it really bothered her so she spoke to a teacher at school and she did know the names of both difficult teachers.

It is now being sorted. But when I asked she was reluctant to tell. Not sure if going back to it would have been right but when she said it was OK, I accepted it?

Thanks, sorry to ask a question that may derail, hope it doesn't.