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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

My eighteen year old son has turned into a nightmare !

26 replies

rocketzoom · 01/08/2017 01:08

I have been a single dad with sole care of my son since he was three & he is now about to turn nineteen soon.

We used to have a close/excellent relationship until we moved to a different town when he was twelve where my son made a new group of friends with kids from the worst kind of families. Unsurprisingly they all ended up weed smokers and my son had to be a leader of the pack and so enthusiastically embraced the nihilistic, screw everyone, sod education and the World mentality drug culture to impress all his peer group.

Now he is a nightmare !

I managed to battle with it until he was seventeen when we had to move seven miles away from that town and into some Godforsaken dump of a community - sort of a large artificially created modern ‘village’ mostly built in the 1950’s to provide accommodaation for workers in the adjacent industrial estate. This horrible place had first started in exactly the same way in Victorian times when a railway station was built here which they intended to be a major goods transport hub.

So Everything both my son & I do involves having to travel seven miles back and forth to the original town where all his friends are. This makes life impossible really as I have absolutely no money for transport. It’s five quid a time .

Anyway, during the past two years my son has become impossible to live with. I first noticed he would seem to make a point out of sabotaging meals. I always cook a ‘proper’ evening meal from scratch. He would either not turn up at all, stay away the night, arrive maybe 3 a.m., or even tell me he would be in for supper, arrive at an almost reasonable time ( maybe midnight, 11 p.m. if I was lucky) & then tell me actaully he wasn’t hungry as he had eaten elsewhere.

I began to notice - it became obvious really - that he was deliberately producing the maximum disruption on purpose. It was not possible to say it was any other way.

Then it became more and more obvious something was badly wrong as it became apparent I could never actually hold any form of conversation with him as he would turn his back as I was in mid sentence or hurl abuse at me for attempting to talk to him as ‘couldn’t I see he was in a hurry to go an meet someone’ or some similar rubbish.

This deliberately weird behaviour was nothing to do with me wanting to talk about ‘difficult’ issues. The behaviour would even occur if I was trying to ask him if he would like me give him twenty quid to spend as he pleased. He would never allow me to get far enough in such a conversation for him to even find out it was about an offer to give him twenty quid. I only actually deliberately tried doing this to prove to him how weirdly he was behaving.

Normally, of course, talking to him was about the millions of bits of everyday trivia in everyone’s domestic lives. He just blanked me about absolutely everything. Usually his method was to turn his back and walk or run away as though he was permanently in a ‘manic’ state.

The effect of this type of behaviour was to make life more and more unpleasant and him increasingly impossible to live with. The behaviour pattern was seemingly specially designed to simply produce instant rows over every single thing that I might need to say.

He organised one such row today which was nothing at all to do with anything. He has become very skilled at hijacking what I am actually saying and inventing complete blind ally cul de sacs which shatter any train of thought and make the conversation turn into senseless, incoherent gibberish which has nothing to do with what I am trying to say.

As all this has become increasingly unmanagable I have often snapped and told him I cannot cope with living with it any more & I will be forced to ask him to live elsewhere because I cannot cope with the endless nastiness of all this. That happened today.

Last week he finished life at College and today was supposed to be the first day he would make a serious start at looking for a job etc.

He did his usual thing of hijacking my brain and I just couln’t take it any more & told him to leave the house immediately and give me his front door key. I tried to unwind it, but he sabotaged all efforts to do that too; and so he left.

This means all he can do is sofa surf (hopefully) maybe he willl actually end up on the streets though. But he will not be able to sign on for any benefits which he will need immediately as he has no money and even if he tries to get a job there will be a gap before wages. But the reality is he is totally unequipped to go through the process of looking for a ‘proper’ job in such homeless circumstances.

I am at a total loss as to what to do. I probably foresaw this happening a long, long time ago as it is the inevitable result of the weed infected culture which destroys the minds of teenagers. I knew I was already losing the battle at least three years ago. His mind was remorselessly being taken over by this awful peer group brainwashing him that being drugged with weed all the time was a brilliant life choice.

Has anyone any advice on how I should progress from here ?

OP posts:
rocketzoom · 03/08/2017 00:34

poster BoneyBackJefferson

No Neither my son or I have had any help.

As far as I am concerned I have sort of managed to cope with it - I think. But what I haven't been able to cope with is the fact that because I became a 'client of the State' at some point, I have had the most incredible amount of abuse from the State in every way imaginable. I cannot explain here as it would take a minimum of a thousand words just to describe a microscopic fraction of it.

But will give you a really simple example of something similar which has nothing to do with the family goings on my son & I have experienced but does explain how the State spends vast amounts of money screwing up everything they do and utterly failing to actually provide the things our Government says it provides.

I went to an NHS dentist about a year ago for him to replace a gold metal cap or on-lay onto my lower back molar tooth. That particular practice had made one and placed it three years previously, but it had unglued itself, fallen off and become lost.

He said OK, commenced taking mouldings etc and then suddenly casually mentioned he was doing a 'composite' thing instead of a gold metal cap. Gold metal is the best solution, composite is not as good. When I asked why he was not doing a gold metal moulding as requested he lied to me and told me the NHS does not do gold metal caps for teeth because gold is now too expensive.

I researched with the NHS that they did, in fact do gold on-lays and confirmed he lied. Time passed while I dithered about what to do and then my upper left pre-molar tooth broke, exposing the nerve. This dentist had suddenly hijacked me, so to speak, at the end of our discussion about gold and composite fillings and he said 'Oh, before you go I'll just repair this filling on your pre-molar'. I had no rot, no broken filling and asked him why on earth he was interfering with it. I was bamboozled into acquiescence anyway & stumbled out of his surgery in a daze really.

Still dithering a few months later this molar broke because the dentist just drilled the tooth, weakening it and the side broke away while there was nothing in my mouth except a bit of soft fried onion which applied sidewards pressure to the side wall of the tooth as my upper jaw bit down on it. The side wall broke off , exposing the nerve.

Now the real fun started. Cutting a very long story short I went to about five or six different NHS dentists after that and had about twelve appointments as well as being referred to a hospital by one of those dentists who said they did not have the expertise to deal with this tooth.

All those dentists totally cocked up the tooth, caused more damage and were completely and utterly incompetent. None of them were even capable of placing a temporary filling properly as all the ones they placed fell apart after and hour or so in some cases in others just lasting a few days before dis-integrating. I spend months in pain and months spending all day on the phone just trying to get all this incompetent treatment in the first place as every dentist I spoke to told me how they NHS wouldn't pay them enough money to treat patients properly.

Eventually I gave up and went to a five star private dental practice. I was seen instantly the same day and my first appointment was only to place a temporary filling while this tooth was assessed as to what would be the appropriate long term solution and cost. It only cost me £59 (only about £32 more than the NHS pays the dentist for the same job, so not too expensive). Magically, this filling has not fallen out /disintegrated or caused the extreme discomfort the incompetent NHS temporary fillings had. Funny that !

I am currently awaiting the written report & costing. But unfortunately it is almost certain the idiotically incompetent NHS dentists have damaged the tooth far too much for it to be saved with a root filling topped by a crown. And so the only best solution available will probably be an implant costing perhaps £2000. But even a root filling and crown done by this private dentist would cost about £1200.

I am legally entitled to completely free NHS dental treatment but have failed to be able to get the necessary work done at all in what is now ten months during which time this 'trivial' problems has dominated every single day.

I went to the private dentist because there didn't seem any eventual possibility of ever getting any proper NHS treatment at all let alone the tooth root filled with a crown on it which was the original idea, until one of those incompetent NHS dentists incorrectly and carelessly screwed a metal post sideways through the tooth and into my jaw bone instead of vertically down through the root canal where the tooth root had been, as is the correct practice.

And then another total bastard of an NHS 'emergency' dentist told me he did not have the screwdriver required to insert into the screw head of this metal post to unscrew it out of the tooth to proceed with a temporary repair, but he would 'try' & unscrew it with - and he showed me - tweezers ! Think about it. Do you really think it is possible to unscrew a tiny, tiny little screw that has been screwed into the hard ivory of a tooth by grasping the head with tiny, tiny little limp wristed tweezers that will have absolutely no ability whatsoever to grip the screw, let alone turn it and unscrew it out of one of the hardest substances possible, harder than wood for example - ivory being incredibly hard & strong stuff.

I felt this lying moron deliberately waggle the metal post back and forth using those tweezers until the post broke off, leaving half of it embedded within the tooth which now compounds the problem the tooth is facing, making it almost impossible to save. This dentist did this deliberately when what he should have done if he didn't have a screwdriver, was tell me and give me the option of not being treated by him until the total idiot got himself a screwdriver which should, obviously, always be part of the dental equipment any dentist should have. If he hasn't got a screwdriver how on earth can he ever deal with any previously placed root canal problem he may find.

This is the NHS in action and an example of the utter, utter incompetence of our government. It is that same incompetence which led directly to the recent Grenfell Tower fire which roasted about 80 men, women and children alive. Our government is so rotten it is not really so different to some tin pot third world bunch of idiots running a corrupt government like South Africa or Zimbabwe or Venuzuela.

So, I've written more than a thousand words anyway and this is a really simple issue to describe, so writing anything about my more complicated family saga & being a client of the State would take tens of thousands of words.

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