Dh dd my dsd is 14, quick back story we share 50:50 and live close to dsd mum and partner, all of us get on well no issues between us. Have been with dh many years (no affair, amicable split)
The issue we do have is my dsd, we are going round and round in circles. Her attitude towards all of those around her is awful.
She speaks to dh,her mum, her partner myself and her grandparents as if we are staff members, she never says please or thank you.
She has many privileges which she feels she is entitled to and this is our problem. Dsd has a curfew and just before she will call up and ask if she can sleepover at Xs house, parent says no or we'll rearrange for a more convenient day. This isn't good enough for her, she will not accept no.
After being told no she will then pester incessantly by text, then send rude messages then more begging texts, all of which go ignored after she's been told no and given the reason for parents decision.
Then she will phone and phone and phone and phone then she will call whichever parent she is not with that night to ask again even though both dh and her mum are on the same page and back each other. The answer is still no.
Then she refuses to come home and isn't where she is meant to be when told she is being picked up.
Consequences of this are being stopped from going out. The next day she behaves as if nothing has happened and when she asks can I go out/can X sleepover and she's told no and it's once again reiterated why she goes mad. When she doesn't get her own way she screams shouts slams doors is rude and this goes on for around 2 hrs. She follows you around, she is relentless.
She has been spoken to/shouted at/privileges revoked/more time spent 1-1/parents and dsd have all written a 'contract' with each other she then ignores this.
This afternoon I got shouted at and told "it's the holidays you're ruining my life! I'm going out tomorrow and there's nothing you can do."
I back dh I don't discipline unless she's rude to me or if dh asks me to step in. My job I feel is to support from behind which I do.
I have had an absolute gutful, this week has been absolute hell, it doesn't matter what you do she refuses to listen. It's rare she's shouted at dh and I tend to walk away when she's screaming at us and dh says they will talk when she's less angry.
Once the meltdown is over and she is then calm dh and her will talk, he asks her questions she explains things, she says she understands and is sorry and we all feel like we've made progress only to have it all escalate again because within the hour she's asking for a sleepover and being reminded that her going out or having a sleepover is a no at this time.
She goes out almost everyday and the same issue arises each day it's never ending and I'm so tired of it all.
Does anyone have any ideas of how to break this never ending cycle.