Sons on drugs, desperate for help!

[LizzyELane]

Two boys, one in his 20's, the other under 18 (also have daughter aged 10). Both boys have been messing with cannabis for a long time. We have come to blows about this and the upshot has been eldest son lives independently and middle son went to live with his Dad after I found masses of cannabis related stuff in bedroom like bongs, even seeds he was trying to grow. Couldn't cope with this anymore with daughter then 9 in house too.

Now things are much worse. Both boys are into 'Benzos'. Eldest boy seems to be controlling it as went to rehab in January. Younger boy in a terrible state, Dad threatening to kick him out as causing problems with new wife. He slurs when speaking, can't remember anything from one minute to the next, shaky hands, leaves oven on at Dad's, etc. When not like this he's quiet and depressed.

Two months ago I came home with daughter in tow, he'd come to my house and was comatose on his old bed, wet himself, unrousable. called 999, they said he was close to a hypoglycaemic coma. Two weeks later he was depressed and suicidal, took him to A&E as GP advised me to do as there's no other way to get quick mental health care. They kept him in overnight. We were assigned a drugs abuse counsellor who he's seen twice, plus promised CAHMS - who didn't hear from at all. Is now arranged for next week by ex husband.

But what can they do? If they don't want to be helped what do parents do? I'm so scared they will die. Has anyone been through this and seen their kids come out of it okay? Trying my best to stay normal for daughter's sake but worried every day about both sons and think I lost my job recently due to not meeting targets.

Didn't want to read run.... sounds really really hard for you all.

How are you taking care of you? You're the base, the foundation and that needs to be super strong. So make sure you're putting your needs as a top priority.

Eat well, try and get some half decent sleep and exercise for those natural endorphins- stick your fave songs on, and hit the road for a run. It's a fantastic release and so important.

Keep offering support and applying pressure to CAHMS.

How are your sons funding this habit?

Really feel for you.

It is very difficult if they don't want to be helped at that age.
I think there is a lot of truth in needing to hit rock bottom. If you try to put in too much support it is disempowering and cause block progress.
It's all a lot harder to say then as a parent to have to actually do it.

I would say, don't give money or somewhere to stay while he is using.
I have watched someone close to me try to 'manage' their child's addictions for 30 years by never allowing them to stand on their own too feet I think it has greatly hindered their ability to recover

I really sympathize with you. This is a really difficult situation. Mental health services are so underfunded and there is a general crisis in drug addiction. Young people get hooked whilst at school. My advice is to try your best to stay strong for your daughter. You have to put her first - she is still a child and it must be traumatic for her to have both brothers with such problems. Don't give up on your sons. Keep talking to them - keep telling them how much you love them and care for them. Keep encouraging them to make better decisions. Keep fighting for them to get the help they need. But also pace yourself because it can be so emotionally draining. The drug abuse can cause depression, mental illness etc as you have observed. I am so sorry you are all going through this - look after yourself and your daughter and take one day at a time.