advice for teen leaving foster care

[datkins]

i am leaving care at some point this year and to say i'm shitting it is an understatement, i will be living in a youth hostel at first which is pretty much independent living & i'm wondering if you got any advice for living alone and the dos and don'ts as i'm walking into this pretty much blindfolded and i don't want to screw it up, i am 17 at the time of this message being sent, so any advice would be greatly appreciated, cheers.

There are definitely posters on here who have been where you are now and have described their journey who may be able to help you, they might not see this post though as Teenagers doesn't get as much traffic as say Chat x

No advice- but good luck to you! You can do this!

I'm a foster carer and my foster daughter moved out when she was nearly 19 and was housed in a council flat. She's now 20 and doing really well. Are you in touch with the leaving care team yet? Are you being supported by your foster carers?

yeah i think that would be a better idea but i am just looking around anywhere really to see what others think, thank you though.

I would agree that Chat would be better, as this topic is generally used by parents of teenagers.

If you contact MNHQ they can move it for you.

it is shocking how little support or info i am getting about the transition to independent living hence the reason why i am asking on here, the pathway plan should of been written up a year ago and i am still waiting for it to come, foster carers are alright for what they do i will never take that away from them but when it comes to this kind of stuff they really don't know what to say except " everything will work out " and that is great and all but the safety net i have after i leave is very delicate so i want it to work out perfectly.

Good luck

Budgeting is a good place to start. Maybe get yourself an app or a spreadsheet to help.

Learn to make some decent meals. Maybe your current foster carers could help? Easy cheap stuff like spaghetti dishes with lots of veg. Good nutrition is really important.

Pick your friends wisely. Don't waste your time on chancers.

Talk to your guardian or social worker about any preparation courses they might offer. Snap their hands off for anything, you never know how useful something could be.

Don't worry about screwing it up. It's ok to be nervous but a bit of self belief will get you through. Try and get excited about your new chapter if you can

thank you bitchfromhell lol i am excited but again it is something new i am stepping into the " big wide world " as people call it & i'm looking forward to the challenge, currently learning to cook basic meals as if it was left to me i would live on ready meals haha i do my own washing and various other household chores so i am prepared in that aspect, and the friends part is pretty easy as the circle is pretty small anyway and they are good lads.

I really feel for you. My adopted DD is 18 and she would definitely find it really hard to live independently. Surely they should find you something better than a youth hostel? Can you not stay with your FC until you are 21? Will they still emotionally support you even if you are no longer with them?

Whilst still with FCs:

• get them to show you how to cook basic cheap meals, preferably 1 ring ones
• make sure you know how to use a washing machine & can iron
• learn how to clean a toilet, kitchen and bathroom
• learn how to sew up a tear in clothes
• learn how to read a gas/electricity meter
• talk to them about budgeting

re budgeting

• money for rent first, always
• divide income into pots, for spending and saving for bills
• never use pay day loans
• avoid credit cards
• save for things before you buy
• charity shops can have good quality clothes at good prices

Are you still in education? Or working? Do you know what income you will have? Your SW should be able to advise where to go if you need benefits etc.

There is a fostering board (under becoming a parent), there may be experienced FCs who could advise what should be happening.

I'd kick up a big fuss if I were you to your social worker, and get this sorted and written up. When's your next review?

I've heard of a budgeting app called squirrel, it "hides" your bill money until just before it's due and helps you to budget (it's basically a bank account with different "pockets" you can label)
I havent tried it personally but might help?

Personally I budget by having 2 current accounts.When I get paid I put all my bill/rent money for the month in one account which has all my direct debits, then put my food and spending money in another account, and once that's gone it's gone and I have to make do with tins etc if I over spend before the end of the month. Remeber quarterly or annual bills - work out what they would be if they were monthly and put that much in your bill account every month.

KEEP PAPERWORK
This is very important
Things like old tax records/proof of previous jobs and addresses, you WILL need this stuff in the future.Don't bin it! - you won't know in advance what you will need down the line! Keep job contracts and rental contracts.

Treat any financial dealings with friends in even more of a business-like mannor than you would with strangers - everything on paper and clean cut!

If you house-share, NEVER leave your computer/device in a shared space (bitter experience)

If you can't call a bill - PHONE THEM IMMEDIATELY. Most companies will sort out some sort of plan with you or a temporary payment break or payment plan.

it's worth signing up to checkmyfile or similar to make sure nobody is miss-using your name and address, and to keep an eye on your credit record (you can message checkmyfile with help about improving your credit record)

Head over to moneysavingexpert if in doubt

That's all I can think for now, good luck x

I presume you know all about this?
www.gov.uk/leaving-foster-or-local-authority-care

teenandtween thankfully i have got the basics down in terms of household maintenance, it's really more about coping on those lonely nights etc. finished college hoping to find myself a job so i can get myself out of a youth hostel they are nasty places full of addicts and dealers... but i will make due, sadly i can not stay on till 21 as foster carers are due to retire after i leave this year.

letitrain - i have not got the energy in me to do that right now, besides being a social worker is a tough job so i understand why they don't do it straight away, i just want a quiet peaceful transition without hostility, my next review should be at sometime in october a month before my 18th is due.

thank you tinseltwins, i was wondering about the that and how i would keep it organised, i am looking to get folders and files for things like that, thank you so much! at first i am looking at keeping things simple so i get used to the living alone part and gradually build it up.

teenandtween - anything related to care leavers i have been reading up on so i am quite aware of their duties it's about them sticking to it that i am worried about but i'll cross that bridge when it comes to it, thank you!

You can buy filing boxes somewhere like Rymans, Staples, or possibly WHSmith. They are lockable with a handle so easily transportable. e.g. this but cheaper ones are available.

What are you interested in/studying in college?

Is it an area that has live-in jobs (e.g. childcare in holiday resorts, live-in animal care etc)

• live in jobs give you an instant "circle" / social life/company. No bills - rent is included

But also have a downside as your accommodation is tied to your job so if you hate your boss you are stuck with them as if you quit you also lose your accommodation.

I've did a couple of live-in jobs when i was younger and had a good time, do have a back-up plan though for if you need to quit for any reason

There are foster careers that do supported living for teens leaving care. As far as I understand you live in a house with them but you are responsible for managing your own money / cooking meals etc. Is that an option instead of a hostel?

toomanycats99 that could of been an option if it wasn't for the fact that they are currently filled up and none will be available for the time when i move on, that being said something can pop up if somebody moves out, it is really confusing right now with the living arrangements but i will survive you know, being in care teaches you to be humble and grateful for the things you already have, everything else is just an added bonus really.

tinseltwins - i am finished with college now and i am looking for a training course in finance as i'm interested in getting involved in broking. whatever comes next is anyone's guess beyond this point. thank you for the suggestions though you have gave me something to think about!

A lot of transition placements do break down (but the ones that work apparently work brilliantly - I know someone who does that kind of fostering)

that being said something can pop up if somebody moves out
^ you won't be the first name that's on their mind if you don't push yourself forward.
It doesn't have to be confrontational, it can be completely amicable, just keep in touch, keep asking if any places have come up, ask regularly. If you don't someone else will!

well i am on the list that is for sure, either way i will have somewhere to go after i leave care that is good enough for me :)

Why don't you contact your IRO before the next review and tell them about your worries. It's their job to oversee that all plans are in place & they can advocate on your behalf.

Other than that, it sounds like you've got the practical skills to see you through as well as the motivation to get a job and keep away from bad influences. You're going to be just fine and if you ever do feel low or lonely, reach out to other people (whether it's friends, MN or Samaritans-they're not just for people who are feeling suicidal, they're also great listeners).

There is another thread on here from a young person who has recently left foster care, you might find it of use - here.
She might have some useful advice for you.
Best of luck with everything x

darthvadersmuuuum - thank you the iro is fully aware ( when she does pick up the phone ) and right now i just got to brave it out and hope for the best as this is no time for a nervous breakdown even though it is tempting haha take it as it comes if something happens it is not the end of the world just got to keep moving forward!

sealsong - thank you i will check it out right now :)

you know what it really pisses me off what happened to that poor girl, it is messed up how you can from one minute go as a loved member of the family to being shipped off to a council flat by yourself, but i kinda understand given the situation...