Should we involved the police?

[rfharding]

I hope somebody here can offer advice as my partner and I are totally at a loss. Here is the situation. We've discovered that my 14 year old DSD has been seeing an older boy of 17. She says they have not had sex, but have done everything apart from that (use your imagination, I don't really want to type it).

This came as an absolute shock because we had no idea she was experimenting sexually. We never even knew she had had started dating. We were tipped off about the relationship by someone we trust, so knew all the details. She didn't know that we knew and proceeded to lie about everything when mum questioned her. As a result of her lying, mum went through her phone and social media accounts. What she has uncovered is that DSD has been engaged in sexting with many guys, going back to when she was 13. I say guys because we cannot be sure of all their ages. Some are obviously boys, but some are overseas and hidden behind anonymous profiles. By sexting, I mean indecent images and videos, both straight nudes and ones featuring sexual acts. She has also been sent many images herself, including from her 17-year old boyfriend who has been asking her to send nude pictures of herself in return for his "dick pics".

We've also found out that she is part of a circle of friends, all her age, who seem to be into sexting and evidently these images and videos get distributed within the group. Most of this activity takes place on Snapchat.

It's clear what the right thing to do is. My DSD's friend's parents have a right to know what their daughters have been involved with. There is a 17-year old boy who think it's acceptable to incite a 14-year old girl to send indecent images of herself. A quick browse of the CEOPS and NSPCC websites suggests this is a very serious matter that should be referred to the school, who may then refer it to the police as a child protection issue. That could lead to DSD getting a criminal record and who knows what else might surface if this was investigated fully. This is the problem though. My partner is terrified that she could lose her job over this, because without going into details, she works in a field where she absolutely could not be associated with anything criminal like this.

We both now feel desperately trapped, because we cannot do the right thing. What do we do?

Good grief. Your dsd has been terribly abused over a long period of time. You are not trapped and you can do the right thing if you contact the Police. What happens to your partner's job is completely irrelevant. Be a parent and help your dsd to escape her abusers.

What a terrible mess. Tend to agree with cowgirlsareforever, your partner's job and all other considerations are secondary here. Crimes have been committed, parents need to be informed, the school needs to know so they can monitor behaviour.

Don't think you have a choice but to involve the police and report this, but do sympathise with the difficult position you're in.

DSD is 14, I doubt she'll have a criminal record. And if DSD isn't charged criminally, then DP's job should be fine, no? But the right thing to do is to inform the school and let them take it from there.

Obviously talk to DSD. This is a close call. Had she been a couple years older, would have been an even bigger deal.

How dreadful for your dsd, I would definitely report thus to the police. The fact that some of the people involved are not in the country adds a more sinister side to the events too. makes me think if the Rotherham case. Please do the right thing and involve the authorities who have the resorses and knowledge to deal with this properly and catch the perpetrators.

definitely go to the police right now. Nothing to do with the school. You can inform them, but it certainly isn't their responsibility to report to the police, it is yours.

Your DSD is a vulnerable child and a victim. You should not be worried about her having a criminal record. Your partner should not be worried about her job - your DSD must be the primary concern at this time - she has been in danger and as you rightly said - it is clear what needs to be done.Young people get themselves into all kinds of trouble in this modern age and this is a serious safeguarding issue. I would advise you to inform her friends parents so that they can address the situation from their perspective. The more light shed on the situation lessens the danger for your DSD. You also need to deal with the situation with extreme patience and love and explain to her in detail the danger etc and that it is actually against the law as she is a child. Seek professional advice if necessary and watch her more closely on social media etc in fact it would be a good idea for her to have a break from it altogether. It is up to you but if there are a few of her friends involved then to increase their safety I would also inform the relevent person at the school (or at least threaten to ..perhaps that might act as a deterrent to your DSD). No doubt she thought sexting made her more grown up and has not thought through the consequences. Perhaps she fell victim to peer pressure. You should also try and get to the bottom of why she has got involved in it, there may be underlying causes that she hasn't revealed. I cannot imagine how difficult and upsetting this is for you all, but will emphasise again that she is the victim and it is a great mercy that you have found out about it and can address it.

Definitely involve the police. This is considered to be making and distributing child pornography.
Your DD is a victim.

Call the police now it's abuse and she sounds very vulnerable to CSE.