Deranged and half mad - apparently

[hmcAsWas]

We had a substantial lunch. Followed by movie snacks whilst watching Dunkirk (or whilst trying to watch Dunkirk – but that’s another story) at the cinema. Advised 15 year old dd that evening meal would be a light snack, baked beans on toast probably – and this was deemed acceptable.

At some point later I decide to upgrade to a baked potato with beans. Called dd down from her lair to eat it. Cue huge drama – “You said toast – why isn’t it toast?” (with edge of tears to her voice) “You’re deranged, what am I meant to do with THIS??” … “Also I have no beans, where are all the beans??” (she had half a large can). “How am I supposed to extract the beans from the potato – for God’s sake!!” (she’s a smart cookie that one). I blocked out the rest of the 10 minute diatribe

Aren’t they just peachy?

Drove at 70mph yesterday with ds13 car window fully open as apparently we may never get another wind quite like it. .

That's quite endearing though Needsomeflapjacks, although perhaps a little chilly

Fuck, I have a 3yo and 5month old...I am dreading the teen years because they might be like me.

Toddlers and teenagers are pretty similar in a lot of ways carrotcake!

What were you like as a teenager? Bad was it?

We're experiencing a lot of toddler angst at the moment (though usually about putting shoes on, putting toys away, etc).
I seem to recall being away with the fairies much of my teen years, and reality (i.e. my parent's expectations) didn't factor highly in my priorities.

DD texted me 335pm to ask something - I answered by text 440pm. She didn't understand so texted me back. Rather than try to explain by text, I decide to - shock horror - phone her to talk. She answers and says "whaaaaat isssss ittttt????? type of response. I start to speak and she hangs up. Then I get text - "OMG I am in the cinema and everyone can hear you! DO NOT phone again!!!" Then tells me I am such an embarrassment. I don't even get annoyed anymore - I just laugh.

I can just imagine the exact intonation and volume of "whaaaat isss ittt"

My DS 15 was planning a bus trip to a local seaside town with his friends. The night before the trip we were chatting and I simply asked what he thought they might be doing for lunch. In return I got "OMG mum, why do you always have to know everything, stop micromanaging me!", complete with eye rolls and some kind of open-mouthed stare.
When I told him I was only asking because I wanted to know if he'd like any extra money to take with him, he soon rapidly backtracked!!

Popped in to visit my sister the other day. Oh Treasure must have come home this afternoon she said. How can you tell? I asked. She gestured towards the pint glass of undrunk premium orange juice sitting beside the fridge.

I agree, teens are just like giant toddlers when it comes to unreasonable, bonkers demands and reactions to perfectly normal circumstances.

I get a similar reaction whenever I dare to phone DD Salt, it seems the art of answering a phone and saying 'Hello' is lost on this generation and I get 'What' so I hang up and wait for her to phone me when she's remembered her basic manners.

"She gestured towards the pint glass of undrunk premium orange juice sitting beside the fridge."

Oh yes! This exactly ^^

Dd (10): it would be pointless to take away my charger.
Me:
Dd: I told you it was pointless. Can I have it back.
Me: No.

Mine is waiting for his gcse results after only actually doing any substantial work after Easter in year 10. He's predicted passes thank god but the cold sweats have kicked in and frankly he's on the cusp of being gently but firmly removed to the shed..
The latest drama included a: couldn't find his t shirt that he absolutely needed to wear and b: he's had 3 bad matches in a row and he was stressing about not being selected for the next match.
Quite frankly he's damned lucky it's illegal to eBay your kids.

Aw bless him - I hope he's done okay when the results come through.

Thanks hmc, his teachers think he's done enough but it's been hard going - mostly of his own making but that hasn't made the last few months any easier for him.. or us!

EBay him anyway and just see the bids? Happy to offer an 11 yr old teenager for free.

Ds (14) is never one to turn down a second dinner, I braved entering his lair earlier and said "I'm having a sausage sandwich do you want one?"

Ds: what sort of sausages?
Me:pork
Ds: no what kind of sausage are they
Me: erm pork from pig, cylinder shaped, erm sausages?
Ds: I mean are they awkward sausages?
Me:
Me:
Me
Ds: Are they.....
Me: DO YOU WANT THE FUCKING SANDWICH OR NOT?!?!
Ds: Yes please

I've still no clue what an awkward sausage is.

But he ate them.

I've namechanged in total awe of HoneyDragons teenager.

Awkward sausage

DDs word of the week is 'basic', which is an insult I believe meaning ordinary.
DD: Whats for dinner?
Me: Spag Bol
DD: Uh really, Spag Bol is just like so basic

Well, my parents wouldn't have thumped me for behaving like that but i would have received a well deserved ferocious telling off.

Next time the choice is eat it or wear it!

Love the name change

This is hilarious