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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Nearly 18 yr old....curfew or no curfew?

44 replies

user1491979711 · 21/07/2017 11:16

My nearly 18 yr old thinks it is not necessary to state a time when he needs to be home. We are not arguing about this but rather discussing it. I am uncomfortable with not stating a time ( a rough time) when he needs to be home and wondered what others thought??
He has recently , since A levels, been out with friends/g/f etc until 4am. I don't mind mind on the odd occasion but weekend to weekend?? Umm, I'm uneasy. Your thoughts pls....am I being reasonable??

OP posts:

PickAChew · 22/07/2017 23:20

Almost 18 is almost an adult. Request that they come home quietly.

And to a PP why the hell would you lock the door on offspring that age and they not have a key?

Floofborksnootandboop · 22/07/2017 23:56

After leaving school no curfew but expect to have a rough idea of when they'll be home.

Rhubarbtart9 · 23/07/2017 00:02

Ask him what time he thinks is reasonable considering he needs to do x tomorrow and to aim for that. Explain that you'll worry if he's out after that time

PandaG · 23/07/2017 00:10

My 17.5 yo has a curfew, usually midnight, later for special occasions - but he is usually up at 6 so midnight is sensible. He's just walked in a couple of minutes late, but that is OK with me. I'd be happy to negotiate something later if he wanted, but tbh his friendship group tend to get kicked out of each other's houses at midnight, and as they are all under 18 clubs are not yet accessible to them.

AnyFucker · 23/07/2017 00:36

My 17yo just text me to say he is staying out

Ok by me

Travelledtheworld · 23/07/2017 07:48

No curfew. But my lovely DD almost 19 always texts me to let me know where she is, and that she is safe " so you don't need to worry..."

Temporaryanonymity · 23/07/2017 07:52

I remember my brother coming home at 11am one Sunday and shouting "I am not coming home last night" as he opened the front door.

We never had curfews as teens.

Reppin · 23/07/2017 07:53

Your 17 year old is happy to be told to come home by midnight? My 17 year old is currently backpacking round Asia before university starts. I can't imagine giving an adult a curfew!

Crispsheets · 23/07/2017 07:56

Can't imagine giving mine a curfew. Yes to a rough time for coming in, quick text if there was a significant change to plans and yes to coming in quietly.
I never stayed up for them.

purplesippycup · 23/07/2017 08:07

You can't give an 18 year old a curfew. You just can't. They are an adult.

It's courteous to let people who you live with know if you will be home that night or the following day, and roughy what time. Just so they know whether to worry or not if someone isn't in their bed in the morning or isn't gone hours after they said to expect them.

purplesippycup · 23/07/2017 08:08

Isn't home*
Not gone

MaisyPops · 23/07/2017 08:11

My mate had a 11.30pm weekend curfew at 18 and was so embarrassed
Same.
My DM also wanted phone numbers of anyone's house I went to when I had a mobile and had already told her the plan.

So in thr end I used to arrange to stay over at a friends (not tell them anytging about real plans) and give fake numbers.

Baalam · 23/07/2017 12:48

No curfew, 18 in Dec. I need to know where she's staying though and be vaguely kept informed of whereabouts. She normally stays out rather than comes in at 4am

PandaG · 23/07/2017 13:12

Yep, my 17yo happy with midnight curfew, he thinks we are being pretty reasonable. After all we buy him the beer to take out with him! He is too young for pubs and clubs, and his bunch of mates all get kicked out of each other's houses by midnight. Bigger parties or whatever he will usually stay over. He's not one for big nights out, if that changes we will obviously renegotiate, and next summer before university he can clearly go off to a festival or on holiday, he hasn't asked to this year, and frankly couldn't fund it, so we haven't had to make a decision.

lovenotwar149 · 23/07/2017 15:51

Thanks again soon much for all your replies. He in fact went clubbing Fri night and it was a great outcome. I did good, i patted myself on the back intact...he did good too. I didn't impose a curfew but he implied he would be home 1.30/2pm as he didn't want a real late one. His plans changed (I was well prepared for this) and it was no problem as he sent me the politest text to let me now. He arrived home by 3am and I could tell he was trying so hard to be quiet...bess.Have to tell u all I didn't overly stress but i also didn't sleep overly well. I feel like i have made such progress! Thx again...I have been really struggling with this one. ( I so DONT wanna be strict on him like my m&d were on me. :)

mumstaxi2 · 23/07/2017 23:30

I also have a nearly 18 year old DS2. Mine is desperate to enjoy the summer partying experience and when there's no party mid week just has to be with friends. He is pretty good at texting but its a massive challenge not to worry especially when he is out in the car. I make myself go to sleep and often wake up to a text in early hours saying he is staying at a friend's house.
The next six months is going to be really difficult - Reading Festival followed by a week in Magaluf (apparently he had not heard about its terrible reputation when they booked?!) then volunteering for 8 weeks in Cambodia. I know i just have to go with it and he's generally pretty good but can't help but worry.. Just wish he was going straight off to uni. DS1 really isn't into partying and is doing a degree apprenticship from home so its like chalk and cheese

BadToTheBone · 23/07/2017 23:54

No curfew, but I expect a quiet return or a general idea of where she'll be. I also expect it not to interfere with college. She's happy with that and everything is chilled out.

StormFrontage · 24/07/2017 00:00

Same as the majority - no curfew, but keep in touch and don't be a dick about coming in.

K1092902 · 24/07/2017 00:51

Curfew before 18 if expected to be home- still a child and your responsibility

DSD is just 18 and is allowed to do as she pleases assuming it doesn't disturb me DH or DD. If she doesn't tell us she's staying out and she isn't back by the time we go to bed then we usually send her a text if she hasn't texted us.

12-15 her curfew was 9pm on weekends and holidays, 16 10pm and 17-18 midnight. We made no exceptions to this unless we were told a few days before she was going to a sleepover.

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