Dealing with disappointment

[Ggirl27]

My DS interviewed for Head Boy and wasn't successful. His school messed up telling him the outcome as he is 700 miles away on a school trip, they relayed a message via another teacher and he misunderstood and he currently believes that he still has a chance of being Deputy which is untrue - they've just mixed up the message that they got to him through this teacher. That they could be so careless with his feelings makes me so angry and to give him this news whilst he has no parental support to help him deal with the outcome makes me furious. He trusts and respects the teacher that rang to pass the message and he believes that he's probably saving good news for him when he gets back from his trip on Friday. This teacher has leaned heavily on him getting my DS to run around after him doing the donkey work for the past two years, and led him to believe that the job was as good as his. They've given it to someone else. He's going to be devastated and believe he has failed. He struggles with his confidence generally and this is going to break him. Do you have any advice on how I can pick him up for his final year at school? Any advice for me? I feel so angry that they could mislead my son this way and so sad for him after all the time and effort he has put in.

So he knows that he didn't get the role, but believes he might still be able to be deputy, but you know that's not the case. When you say the role has been given to someone else, do you mean the deputy role. If so, why are you so sure that he won't get it? Could it be that they have considered supporting two deputies?

Sorry if I'm all confused, I'm not familiar with these set ups!

I think the best thing you can do is supporting in line with Mandala's motto that goes something like 'I never lose, I either win or I learn'. Let him know that you are disappointed for him, but don't let him see you anger or that will make him feel even more that he failed. He didn't, someone was just deemed better than him.

Someone else definitely has been given the deputy job - they mixed up the message when they told him and that's what I'm so upset about. It's thoughtless and he's spent the last couple of days believing the job is probably his. He will arrive home to find it isn't. I'm angry with the school for handling it all so badly. His school will have broken for the holidays when he arrives home and I will be left to pick up the pieces over the next six weeks. I don't think he has failed but I know he will feel this way, he's hard on himself and keeps stuff inside and I think he will be quite upset with the teacher that has led him to believe the job was his. I do like the motto though - I'll try and take that approach with him over the summer. It's a mess...

What a shame for him.
Definitely don't let him see your anger or upset over this. Be philosophical and mentor him through it in a supportive way - disappointment is one of those life lessons we all have to learn.
Let him feel sad or hurt or angry and validate his feelings, tell him not to take it personally, it is not a reflection of who he is and tell him to take the big picture perspective, in time his feelings of disappointment will pass. Avoid dwelling on it - certainly don't let it dominate his six week school holiday. Try and steer him to focus on other things.

How old is he?

Thought I'd update this thread as my DS disappointment has firmly turned to anger. DS, having spoken to his friends who were also going for the head boy/girl and dep head boy/girl positions, has found out that several of his friends were also leaned on heavily by the same teacher over the course of the past year and were given the same promises as he was. Two of the girls who he was doing the donkey work with were also passed over completely. He is furious and contemplating telling the school to shove their senior prefect position! He feels used now and the respect that he had for his teachers seems to have evaporated! I've told him now is the time to focus on his studies and put himself first for a change. Going to be an interesting few weeks when he returns to school in September...