DS12 wants to have girlfriend over when we're out. WWYD?

[hoopyloopy2]

DS12 thinks I am being 'ridiculous' for not allowing gf to come over unless dh or I are in. He is regularly home alone for a couple of hours after school when I am still at work.

He says they're 12, so not intending to 'get up to anything'. But I feel it's important to set this ground rule now.

Anyone have any experience to share?

I also encourage him to have friends over of both genders. Just not when I am still at work for the gf. This is only 2 out of 5 afternoons. So he has other opportunities to see her.

Of course I wouldn't be happy with shagging in alleyways but it doesn't mean it may not happen if they have nowhere else. My kids are grown up and I allowed bfs home with them for that reason but not at twelve years old as they didn't have bf that young.

What are some of you on about? The OP said girlfriend that is different to friend. And kids today are not innocent, plenty are sexually active at 13.

Tell him that you have hidden cameras in every room, and that big brother is watching his every move

No from me but that would apply to any friends over without an adult in the house at that age. But I agree with your reasoning re gf.

Absolutely not.
Even if they don't have intercourse, they could get up to other "mischief" including drinking, smoking, drugs, watch inappropriate online content, fondling, oral...

Even if they don't have intercourse, they could get up to other "mischief" including drinking, smoking, drugs, watch inappropriate online content, fondling, oral...

You don't think 12yo kids might just raid the fridge and turn the music up loud enough to upset the neighbours?

It's no wonder so many teens get rebellious when this is the opinion formed before they even hit the teenage years

Don't you think it might be better to keep the stable door shut rather than wait and see if the horse bolts? Unfortunately giving young adolescents that much freedom can end badly however well you think you know them and kids are much more knowing these days.

'Girlfriend'? At 12?
I've got a 12yo and he couldn't be further from 'girlfriends'.

Certainly no to unsupervised visits. Not so much because something is imminently bound to happen, but to set the tone for the teen years. Close supervision becoming less close with time, maturity and earned trust.

If he is saying he has a girlfriend, you need the chat about the age of consent, not pressurising her or allowing himself to be pressurised into anything that feels uncomfortable, not taking dodgy photos of each other on their phones, and yes, contraception. Just in case.

Thanks Hetero for the general advice. I've done all of those things.

if the house is empty, how do you know he won't have her over anyway?

Teaching trust is important. Yes.

But protecting children from being too grown up too soon is important too.

If they are secondary age and saying they are boyfriend-girlfriend then I think putting rules in place is sensible.