Hi all,
I'm sorry it's so long but I'm desperate so if you can please read!
I'm having problems with my 13 (soon to be 14) year old son. Since leaving primary school he has been getting gradually worse. In primary he was brilliant, doing extremely well academically, socially, all round a great kid. Never once got called into school for him.
Starts high school in 2015, instantly super popular with the boys and girls. Had his first fight and knocked the boy out...literally knocked him out. The poor boy had to go to hospital. Well my sons popularity grew and grew. He was the 'hardest kid' in year 7.
At the start of year 8 we moved him schools and it just got worse from there...fighting, arguing, then came shoplifting. Each time we grounded him took away his privileges (phone, Xbox,tv, internet) it worked for a while.
He ended up getting excluded (permanently) from school. And ended up in a 'naughty school' for want of a better word! The school is a joke. It's run from an old community centre, a few of the teachers look old enough to be my daughters! They do half an hour of maths and half an hour of English on a morning and then go on trips all day everyday and they return to school at 1:30 write 3 lines about what they have done and finish at 1:45! I don't agree with treating children who don't/won't behave! Is that wrong? (Children who can't is different) my younger son has Aspergers amongst other things and his behaviour is challenging but I can cope with that.
Since then my lovely, quiet, studious little boy has turned into a monster. The kids he goes to school with are troubled (most of them) they smoke (cigs and weed), shoplift, rob each other etc. You get the picture.
Anyway my son has been grounded since he got excluded from school. On the 4 occasions he has been allowed out he has been caught smoking weed (once) shoplifting (once) fighting and smoking cigs. We got him a weekend job to keep him off the streets, give him jobs at home etc. Before he went to that school he had never sworn at a teacher I mean he would give me lip as teenagers do and he was lazy as sin but never disrespectful to other adults. Now he is always swearing at teachers,throwing things, tantruming at them. He got robbed at knife point the other week by his "friend".
According to my son it's now my fault (it's never his fault) but now it's mine for grounding him. I should let him live his life. I agree to a point and I want to but every time I trust him he does something utterly ridiculous and I'm so worried he is going to end up either an addict, in jail or dead. I am over protective I admit. I lost my brother 11 years ago. Which obviously impacts my parenting.
Please if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated xx