Am I too tough??

[Katdav2704]

To cut the story short after having major issues with Dd lately we both sat down and agreed to ground rules etc. In order to earn her pcket money each week (£20) she was expected to help out around the house. These jobs she chose.

1. Walk the dog weekdays 10 mins brief walk (Dh does this also for an hour when he gets home)
2. Hoover up and downstairs once a week (we live in an ex-council house).
3. Put wheelie bins out (which i take out of the shed) -5 mins

4 put dishes in dishwasher after dinner

Along with this it was agreed that she does the usual stuff like put clothes in washbasket etc.
I gave up nagging about pigstye of bedroom long ago. So long as i can see a bit of floor im satisfied. 🙈
She agreed that if she didnt do her chosen chores she doesn't get her full pocket money. Most nights, (if shes home for tea) she puts the dishes away after dinner, she does put the bins out most weeks, with reminding🙊, She walks the dog when she can be bothered. Most weeks she doesnt walk the dog at all and most weeks she doesnt do all of them. When i give her her pocket money i tell her why shes not got her full £20 and she seemed to be ok with it. However, she now says that we're too strict as none of her friends have to do chores etc. And that its not fair that she doesn't get her pocket money because shes not walked the dog. She said as it was raining i should have overlooked it, when I reminded her that she never does it anyway she didn't seem to understand. I know i shouldnt be second guessing myself but we've had so many battles with her lately i cant help it. Am i too tough?

Oh can i add all essentials eg hairspray toiletries etc and phone i pay for as well.
Thanks in advance or your replies☺️

Honestly £20 seems generous to me for what you are asking her to do. I would let her off the dishes if she is not home for tea though.

Sounds like you are being quite generous and she isn't doing much to earn £20.
You are doing the right thing to stick to your minimal rules and jobs for her.

YANBU as that is generous. I assume she will sometimes get say £12 or £15? So provided she does some jobs she gets some cash. Teenagers always moan!

I don't think you are being mean at all. Tell her to talk to my DC. My teens get £15 a month! And they do what your daughter does minus the hoovering.

How old is she and what does she typically spend her cash on? Make up, clothes?

Perhaps a Saturday job would suit her better.

Angelicinnocent yeh she does get let off if she isnt home and doesn't get deductions for that.
She always no less than £10 regardless, id feel awful giving her nothing, she doesnt buy makeup etc, she goes to visit her gf in another town which is a bus ride away. I assume, so she will use the money for that i assume and bits when shes out.
Can i also ask what time do ur Dc have to come in on weeknights and weekends? My Dd is 9 on school night and 10 on wkend?

Thankyou all. ☺️

DD only gets £30 a month. She doesn't have to do chores for it although she is expected to do washing up every other day. Would your DD like to trade with her?

LizzieMacQueen sorry meant to add Dd is 14

Crikey, shed love to trade bit keep her the money shes on! 😂😂

I can see why she feels hard done by when her friends don't have to help.

I'd try explaining that your approach to pocket money is more about giving her some responsibility and independence now that she is on her way to becoming a young adult.

All sounds fair enough. Her friends don't have to do anything? That's maybe not true.

I don't think you are being too strict. It's good for kids to help out and fair enough they might not like it I don't like doing chores either. I'd say I've thought over what you said about your friends not having to earn pocket money (shows you listen to her) but I've decided to keep it up as I want you to learn responsibility and its a big help to me and dad, but maybe it would be better to choose a different job other than walking the dog. Maybe cooking tea for the family once a week - it's helpful, but a bit more fun, and set it up so she gets her money the same day, that might focus her mind. Also I would be sure to give her some appreciation when she does the chores.

I think £20 is generous at 14, but that your level of expectation is about right for it

DS is 14 and never does anything without serious nagging! I pay for his things as and when, but I might adopt your approach now OP!

Ds does all on your list apart from walk the dog as we don't have one and I don't even count them as jobs just normal family day to day stuff!

He gets £20 per month plus gym membership and SIM contract for his phone.

She clearly doesn't need £80 a month as she's happy not to earn it and just do the bare minimum for half that. What incentive will she have to get a part time job?

Ds is 16 btw.

Wrt curfew it depends on the day and where he's going ,at 14 he wouldn't have been coming home at 9 on a school night.

It reads as though you're actually not tough enough rather than too tough tbh.

Naah you're being well mean. No one aged 14 has to do any chores, everyone gets at least £100 a week and they're allowed to stay out till midnight.

Or maybe not....

I don't understand why you've pointed out ex council house on the hoovering job. Does it take more or less hoovering if it's an ex council as opposed to private , owned or council?!

All those things sound totally reasonable! I wouldn't have such late curfews though. DS is 13. No way is he out til 9 on week days & 10 at weekends.

I think you are being pretty generous with her pocket money and take what she says about friends with a pinch of salt. I think you will find that not all of her friends get that much and they probably do help out at home.

Curfews are far too late for me. I personally wouldn't feel safe where we live for DD to be out until 10pm.

With the curfews it would depend where she was with me, I'm more focused on safety than anything. If she was say at a friend's house and getting a lift home with someone safe I would let her stay out later. But if she is just hanging out at the park I would want her in quite early.

Thanks everyone it seems im not too hard then. Cheesypastatonight, i only put that to show its a "normal" size house not a five bedroom detached house in the country(i wish) 😂😂

Mine never did anything like those chores. Hoovering . However they got nowhere near £80 a month. At 16 they got £70 a month but that was to cover phone and all clothes.
I never paid for chores. They knew how to do any job around the house but didn't have to do any particular job all the time. That way they were capable and willing when required. My attitude stems from being cinderella having to do way too much from when I was 12.

Tbh I'd consider myself failing as a parent if my teen didn't push a hoover round,it's not exactly on a par with taking the dirty washing dishes to the water's edge and hand scrubbing it!

**down to not dishes

My 14 year olds have chores but chores are not dependent on their pocket money, which is comparatively quite mean! Chores should be done because it's their contribution to the household.
So ours are expected to empty the dishwasher on an ad hoc basis, set the table, put their washing away, feed the dog, help clean up after the dinner!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen If you saw Dds face when i ask her to put her cup in the dishwasher then you'd think id jist asked her to go down the stream and wash the whole streets washing! 😂😂
Ive been told today she hates me, im always on at her, she hates being at home. 😔